I need some advice, partners family. ASAP.

[Tegan221]

I’ve recently just found out I’m pregnant again with my second baby, my first baby’s 10 months old. I’m having issues with my partners side of the family, the problem being his sister (22) and mother (52). His sister accused her father of sexual assault when my first was 4 months old, obviously I confronted her parents about it and she completely changed the story and denied ever saying so. From there on I stopped her having contact with my child, previously being sexual abused myself in the past, I couldn’t comprehend how somebody could lie about it and get away with a slap on the wrist. I also stopped her from seeing my child due to her possessiveness, her explicit photos of herself that she posts on social media and another reason, which I Iet slide, is that she asked me at my 20 week scan if she could post a picture of the scan and “pretend” the “baby’s hers”. My partners mother has none stop tried to manipulate me into letting his sister have access to my child. Recently my partner had tried to commit suicide, so I went to the hospital in his dads car. His sister and mother were in the car on the way there too, and we went to grab him some food before we went in, and that’s where they (mum and sister) decided to use my partners condition as an excuse as to why I should let his sister see my child as “life is too short, you should let her see her.” It’s been going on since December and I’m absolutely tired of it, his mother is the most manipulative person I’ve ever met. I thought if I explained to his mother the personal reason as to why I don’t want his sister around my child after she lied, that she’d take it on the chin and understand, it took a lot for me to do that, and for it to get dismissed and brushed under the rug and for her to still to continue, “she has to see her”, it’s just flared a complete hatred. I’m struggling so much, I want to keep a relationship between my child and her grandmother but she’s not even 1 year old and I’ve not been able to enjoy the last 6 months of her life due to it. It’s physically taking everything out of me. I’m considering banning all contact. It’s one thing after another. Can I please have a second opinion? TIA x

I see red flags everywhere. Firstly, just because the sister retracted her statements about her Father...that does NOT mean they weren't true.

He may have sexually abused her.

My advice is to cut them ALL out. Don't have anything to do with ANY of that family.

There’s a lot of issues with his sister that disturb me, when I explained to her that I didn’t want her as a godmother due to her mum forcing the idea on me, she automatically threatened me that she was going to kill herself while at work. She sent me pictures of the residents medication that she were looking after and told me she’s going to kill her self over it. She called me everything under the sun after I confronted her about the accusation, calling me a liar. But I’ve noticed she likes to cause drama often, she came out with a load of statements that before I found out about the accusation, that my partners mother had told my child to “shut the fuck up and go to sleep” and smacked her. I was furious and went to get my child. As soon as I said what had happened, His sister said, “I never said that, I said she told you she said it’s time for her to go to bed.” Since then my daughter hasn’t been around her grandparents unsupervised. The behaviour of the family over all worries me. I don’t trust any of them, apart from my partner himself, around my child. I don’t want to cut all ties with her grandparents because I don’t want to be labelled as “that mum”, but it’s getting to the point where I’m constantly on edge. I’m only a young mum and I want to make sure my daughter has the best upbringing, but so far I feel like I’m failing her miserably.

None of them should be around your child at all. The sister sounds dangerous, but abuse could be part of her irrationality. She may be lying she may not be, do you want to take that risk?
People can molest children in front of their parents without them noticing, supervised contact will not protect your child from her grandfather if he is an abuser.
Also if they are all that crazy why would you want your children around that - abuse issues aside.

Honestly I'd cut them all off immediately. Sound like a bunch of nutters. So what if you come across as 'that mum' - anyone who truly knows the bunch of nutters will think your right to do so. Hope you're okay, I can imagine this being a right shit show to deal with

It doesn’t sound great but neither do you. Why would you tell her parents what she told you about sexual assault?! And why would you assume it isn’t true?

The whole thing sounds like a shit show.

OP I am really sorry to hear that you were abused. This must all be very difficult.

Does your DP want to be in contact with his family? Does he want your babies to be with his family?

May I ask how he is now, and whether his mental health issues and suicide attempt was anything to do with his family?

Does he think his Mum would have hit your baby and sworn?

I honestly can’t see what is to be gained for you or your children to have anything to do with these people.

Is there any chance you and DP could move away and build a separate life for yourselves?

She came out with a comment saying that if it was her baby, she’d keep them far away. So I rung the police after I confronted them, confronting them probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but when the story was changing, I needed answers for my child’s sake. The main problem I have, is that his sister had moved out and a week after all of this had been mentioned and then with the police too, she moved back in and that’s when the constant ganging up would come about her seeing my daughter. I just never would’ve thought a year ago I would’ve been in a position like this. I just don’t understand any of it.

My partner’s doing okay, he’s suffered with mental health his entire life, everything that’s happened hasn’t helped in the slightest with it. It’s just made him distant, but he’s is in full agreement. I think it’s just having to say it’s that’s the hard part. Nobody wants to stop their child from seeing their grandparents and the backlash that comes with it. But there’s clearly something wrong in the family.

She said that he’d sexually assaulted her by ‘slapping her arse’ when she were younger. The police came out and had a discussion of the meaning. It’s just hit hard over these last 6 months, my mental health has completely depleted. I’m constantly on edge. The issues are just 10x worse with his mother, she just never stops with it.

It all sounds like a big shit show and you have gotten waaay too involved in the past.
I would stay away from all of them and definitely keep my children away from them.
Focus now on your partner, a suicide attempt is one of the most severe things that can happen in a family and I would be more worried about the effect of your partners mental health on your little family then what the in-laws are doing.

You are being incredibly foolish not to cut these lunatics out of your life and your baby's life. Clearly this is what needs to happen.

They haven’t seen my daughter for over a month now, her birthday is not long off. His mum keeps complaining that’s not going to know who she is and I was going to invite her for her birthday only, but I don’t want that to be seen as a way back in.

I really can't understand why this is even a question. It's your job as a mum to protect your child and these people are nutcases and vile.

The answer is cut all contact. It doesn't matter if your finding it hard, your child is the one who is vulnerable in all of this. And you'll probably find yourself feeling better once you have binned them for a few more weeks.

It’s sounds like the sister has a lot of issues she needs help with. Who knows whether the abuse was real or not, but making something like that up is not the actions of a sane person.

I would recommend you stay well clear. It’s not your mess to sort out.

Block the mother on everything.
Talk to the police in advance in case she turns up at your door.

They sound like awful, awful people and are surely part of or the whole reason your husband has mental health issues.

You don't want your child to be next so keep her and yourself away from them. If your partner is happy to go no contact with them too then you'll all be better off - and who cares if they're moaning about you being 'that mum'. If you have nothing to do with them you won't have to hear about it.

Just move on with your own lives and concentrate on building a different and healthier family dynamic for your daughter.

Having a relationship with unpleasant unstable relatives is not going to be good for your child. Just because they are grandparents, aunts etc doesn't mean they have an absolute right to contact with your child.

If your partner is able to, I would cut all contact and simply not respond if they try to contact you, regardless of any threats or threats of suicide they make. Maybe don't have your child's birthday party at your home if you think they'll just turn up.