Hand Hold: just found out I’m pregnant at 11pm, DP not here and I’m in shock

[sociallydistained]

So I’ve been posting on vaccine threads the last few weeks saying how I’ve been absolutely shattered post vaccine 3 weeks ago… pregnancy’s been on my mind also but ive put it out of my mind since I’ve had two periods dead on time although they’ve been light….

Today at work I just felt so exhausted but also aware my boobs have been tender ALL month. I made some jokes with my best friend and then got really worried…. I worked late and got home at 11 and thought I’ll do a pregnancy test as I had one in…. Well it’s positive!!

My partner and I don’t live together. This is not something I want but now the news is here I am just in shock. I don’t think I can get rid of a baby. I have text my dp to see if he’s up. He isn’t as he starts work super early so now I’m just

First thing is don't panic.

I want to say congratulations, but I'm aware from your OP that it wasn't planned and it's not right time wise now.

Is that just a bit of shock? Have you discussed kids with DP at all?

Sending you a big hug, you'll be OK xx

Try not to panic, easier said than done I know. Just remember you are the only one who can make this decision so take your time to work out what you want. If you want to go ahead you'll make it work somehow, if it's not the right time for you to do this that's ok too. Plenty of people on here have been in the same boat.

Thank you.

Had a bit of a scare last November where I’d really convinced myself I was and dp was very supportive of whatever I decided if it was so. I came off birth control last year due to it playing havoc with my hormones. We had been 90% careful and I thought I knew my fertile times…. I feel so stupid but there you go.

I have always said I don’t want children. It is not something I would of tried to do but I don’t know how I feel now. I do know I won’t be sleeping tonight but have to get up early tomorrow for work.

Whilst I’m up and overthinking… what is my next port of call? I call GPs?
When do you usually tell employers?

I’m still very very unsure!

PS i would put myself at about 7 weeks.
Should I be concerned about the periods. The first light one was mostly small amounts of brown blood but I had what I thought was my normal period last week and there was some bright red blood at the start. Not a large amount.

Oh lord, OP, how do you think so many Catholic women got pregnant?! I'm one of 9 children and my mum believed in fertile times.

I think if you decide to go for a termination, the sooner the better for how you'll cope.

Let us know what you decide. I hope you get a good night's sleep.

I’m assuming you were using condoms as you don’t want children so this must be a big shock.

I hope you manage to come to a decision you’re happy with and your partner is supportive,
Good luck OP

Thank you. Yes I’ve (we’ve) been an idiot. We use protection but then clearly we did not this time.

Not sure how I’m going to get through work tomorrow or an assignment at the weekend for a career I’m not gonna have it I have this baby… but I just read about abortion and I don’t know if I can do it. I wish I’d tested sooner so I had more time to think.

A baby isn't mutually exclusive with a career. It may postpone it, but that's different.

How long have you been with your boyfriend? Were you anywhere near planning on living together, if you weren't pregnant?

If you didn't use protection or take the morning after pill then this was always going to be a possibility. Some will say that's unhelpful now but I say it in case he pulls a 'how did this happen?!' response.

Oh Op. I came off contraception and used an app and intentionally didn't have sex around my fertile window but now I've got the most wonderful beautiful, sometimes annoying, definitely stressful, but well worth it 2yo.

And there were many times in pregnancy where I thought I didn't want him, because I was sick literally every day and it seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

There's no rush to tell him. Tell him in person if possible because you might need a hug at the end of it. He might have questions. You might have questions. But overall it's about making sure your needs are met here and now so you can make the right decision for yourself.

Try and sleep on it. I know it will be hard.

Best of luck.

When you wake up tomorrow you will have a calmer mind to process your thoughts. Congrats all the same.

Good luck. You will make the right decision for you, but remember neither option is perfect, so you are likely to feel some sadness either way.

Re telling work: a lot of contracts say asap, but 12 weeks is standard. It depends on the nature of your job of course (I conceived my second during COVID and felt I needed to tell my work asap as I'm a teacher)

but I just read about abortion and I don’t know if I can do it
There are some awful prolife websites masquerading as information; I'd look at BPAS or Marie Stopes for factual information and I think they may offer counselling.
I had a termination at 16. It wasn't a pleasant experience but I was very relieved that I had the option available. I had a counselling session first to affirm my decision.

@Couchbettato

Oh Op. I came off contraception and used an app and intentionally didn't have sex around my fertile window but now I've got the most wonderful beautiful, sometimes annoying, definitely stressful, but well worth it 2yo.

And there were many times in pregnancy where I thought I didn't want him, because I was sick literally every day and it seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

There's no rush to tell him. Tell him in person if possible because you might need a hug at the end of it. He might have questions. You might have questions. But overall it's about making sure your needs are met here and now so you can make the right decision for yourself.

Try and sleep on it. I know it will be hard.

Best of luck.

Thank you for this.

Will try and sleep now. Thanks for everyone’s help.

Termination is awful. It’s only an ok decision if you didn’t want a baby at that time.

Sounds like you want a child as you’ve not mentioned you want to abort.

You have time. Don’t rush into it.

I think you do want a child. If you really didn’t want one you wouldn’t miss protection at all.

I hope you’ve managed a good sleep and can talk to your partner today but remember this is your choice.

I would talk to your GP ASAP I was told by the nurse doing my vaccine not to get pregnant in the next 6 months. I don't know if she was just being extra cautious.

When I found out I was pregnant I asked myself whether when I was 35 I'd be happier with a baby and no career or a career and no baby. I'm 35 this year Dd is 12 and I'm just starting my teaching career having raised her alone and undertaken a second degree. Nothings impossible!

@sociallydistained

Thank you.

Had a bit of a scare last November where I’d really convinced myself I was and dp was very supportive of whatever I decided if it was so. I came off birth control last year due to it playing havoc with my hormones. We had been 90% careful and I thought I knew my fertile times…. I feel so stupid but there you go.

I have always said I don’t want children. It is not something I would of tried to do but I don’t know how I feel now. I do know I won’t be sleeping tonight but have to get up early tomorrow for work.

Whilst I’m up and overthinking… what is my next port of call? I call GPs?
When do you usually tell employers?

I’m still very very unsure!

You’re not legally required to tell your employer until 15 weeks before your due date. However you are entitled to time off for maternity appointments so you may end up having to tell them sooner if you decide to continue the pregnancy. You can hold off contacting the GP until you’ve decided what you want to do. Why not call BPAS or Marie Stopes for advice?

Not much sleep at all, as predicted :(
Just so worried about either decision. Woken up to brown discharge… not sure if my stress last night has caused this. How worried should I be? As I said, I had two “periods” which is why I haven’t tested sooner but they were bang on time.

So I had my first Pfizer when I would of been around 4 weeks pregnant. Bit worried about that. Wish I had done a test before. I also had bloods and a urine sample at the doctors at about 4 weeks for something else but it was certainly cause by pregnancy. I thought it might show up on either of those but they never told me?! I guess if she didn’t test for it particularly it wouldn’t show?

Around here and maybe many places GPs don't need to see you for becoming pregnant, but their website should refer to your nearest hospital maternity service, who will also probably know more about vaccines too. The sooner the better you apply as some hospitals book up quicker for dates than others, but you may have to wait up to 4 weeks for a booking in appointment and heating about a first scan, so best to do this first. Good luck xx