I can't imagine having this baby...

[bloodysecuritytag]

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and to be honest I wish that I wasn't. It was planned but since getting pregnant it's just been the worst thing that could've happened. I've had hyperemesis and still suffering even this far, DP couldn't have been less supportive and has basically said he thinks I've made myself out to be worse as a reason to be lazy - he's going abroad to visit family with DS1 next week and leaving me home, I'm not sure if I'll get any maternity pay, I just wish I could up, leave and start a new life.
I'm jealous of everyone out at work and feeling well, getting on with their lives. I can barely manage a meal and if I go out I feel really anxious. I just want my old life back.
I just can't imagine this baby girl adding anything other than more stress and difficulty to my life. The only way I can cope day to day is to pretend it's not happening, which isn't easy when I'm feeling this unwell. I hate feeling her move it makes me cringe. The thought of giving birth again fills me with dread, I wake in the night having panic attacks thinking about it.
I just wish I could rewind a year and it never to have happened.

Aw love, I couldn't read and run but can't help other than to say please speak to your midwife about this to get some support

As pp said please speak to your midwife tomorrow so she can help you.
I think the second pregnancy is more like this. Everyone expects you to get on with it because you’ve done it before. Trouble is first time you didn’t really know what was coming and this time you do.
I dreaded my seconds arrival, I didn’t want to try a VBAC but was terrified of an elcs. Was convinced I would not bf because I had only just weaned the 2.9 year old who I couldn’t stand feeding any longer.
anyway it was all fine in the end, it was much harder with two but doable.

Sorry you are feeling like this. It sounds like you could have pre natal depression which you should speak to your midwife or doctor about. I’ve noticed a lot of threads here about feeling of dread and ‘what have I done’ and it’s more common than you think. Tbh I don’t think your sickness is helping your state of mind and your unsupportive DP is making you doubt things.

Hope you feel better soon x

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. As everyone I hope you can speak to your midwife and get some support.
I would say that if you’re suffering hyperemesis it will be clouding your judgement as you’re in so much pain. When we’re ill, our mental health gets impacted too. I hope for you that when the pregnancy symptoms clear after birth, you won’t feel so fine about it. Hopefully they clear before birth and you can start to enjoy the pregnancy a bit more.

I understand how you are feeling to a certain extent. I was so happy when I fell pregnant we had been planning for a while. The first three months I felt miserable, I had so much worry about everything and the sickness was making everything so much worse. It's hard to think rationally and positive when you feel sick. Have you been taking any medication for the sickness? Anxiety?

You need support around you if you talk with your midwife now they can help you, it's not unusual to feel how you are especially given how I'll you've been. Best of luck