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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Surrogacy 3 way

6 replies

Babydreamer55 · 17/06/2021 20:34

have had a thought but not sure if it would be possible at all, so if anyone could let me know thoughts etc!
Basically I am a woman who has premature ovarian failure, I had a very early menopause at 14 years old, which devastated me as from a very young age I always knew I wanted to be a mum, I obsessed over the idea, but that dream was taken away from me before I ever had a chance to even try 😢, I am married & me & my husband have tried ivf several times, but it is the end of the road for that option as we just don’t have the money to keep trying and it not working, when you don’t have a lot of money it’s a massive investment with no guarantees at the end of it.
I have never even had a BFP not even sure if implantation has occurred.
Now I have had all investigations and been told there is nothing wrong with my womb and there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to carry a child, so not sure why it has not happened unless an embryo made up with my husbands sperm is just not compatible with my body - I don’t know 🤷‍♀️. We have explored surrogacy and have been only what I can describe as treated quite cruely by someone I know who is experienced in surrogacy and lived close by (perhaps it was too close to home) but anyway that didn’t work out & like I said I think for a supposed friend who was experienced in surrogacy I feel we have been treated quite badly & our vulnerability exploited, but that’s another story for another time (maybe)! Some cold hearted people around I guesse. So my question is if I was looking for a TS surrogate who could carry a baby using my husbands sperm for us, would it also be possible for me do you think to be a GS surrogate and help someone else who could have a biological child but is unable to carry?
Ok so my thought process behind this is.

  1. I know the heartache of not being able to conceive & I have always said that if I was able to have a baby for a loving couple then I would. My issue is though that it would have to be done with the woman’s own egg and via ivf etc with her husband/partners sperm, like I said no reason why I can’t carry just haven’t got the eggs.
  2. If a TS surrogate was doing this for me at the same time using my husbands sperm, then yeah fair enough not my biological child but I would love this child knowing it is a part of my husband, I have had a very long time to get used to the idea that I will never have my own biological child, and I am fine with that.
  3. I would love to actually experience pregnancy myself, yes won’t be my child, it would be someone else’s but I still get to experience being pregnant and have a baby still at the end of it if a TS surrogate is was to do it for me.
  4. As mentioned earlier I know that with surrogacy comes costs & I know how much those costs can be, & it is wayyy above our pay grade, so also with me helping someone else out, it helps me out for my costs/expenses for my potential surrogate if makes sense.
Am I just getting desperate now or has this been done or could this be done? Do you think I would get much interest if I was to put it out there? Thought I would post this way anonymously and get some feedback before going to Facebook pages and potentially getting knocked down and blasted for having what I think is a good idea?
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polkadotpixie · 17/06/2021 20:58

What about embryo adoption? It wouldn't be yours or your husband's genetically obviously but you would carry the baby and it's much cheaper than surrogacy

Frlrlrubert · 17/06/2021 21:00

I'm not in the know about surrogacy, but I can see a few reasons this would not be a good idea.

The hormones and feelings around carrying a child and then effectively swapping it for another would be a total minefield.

I'm not even sure you can be a surrogate with unexplained infertility? Would you want to risk your embryos on a surrogate who has been unable to conceive despite IVF attempts?

Have the medical professionals said there something incompatible about embryos with your husbands DNA or are you guessing? It seems unlikely that you are with the one man whose babies don't stick in your womb, how do you know it would work with someone else's?

Babydreamer55 · 17/06/2021 21:02

Yes have thought about embryo adoption too, it’s definitely something I would consider, but not sure how hubby would feel, I spose I could put it out there to him, but I just feel like it’s not his fault, he could have a biological child it’s me with the fertility issue 😫

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SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2021 21:07

If you haven't been able to concieve via IVF so far, I don't see how you'd be a good candidate to be a surrogate for someone else.

I'm assuming egg donor with husband's sperm is out because you can't afford IVF?

I'm not saying it as a "just" but have you considered adoption? Is that something you and DH would consider? I appreciate it still isn't a guarantee

Soontobe60 · 17/06/2021 21:09

Instead of surrogacy and all the financial, ethical and medical issues that goes along with this practice, why not explore adoption?

Babydreamer55 · 17/06/2021 21:11

Frlrlrubert Completely agree with what you are saying, things I had sort of questioned myself but wasn’t 100% certain on answers and possibility of it being able to happen, that’s why I wanted opinions/thoughts. And no I probably wouldn’t want to risk embryos on someone who had a known/unknown fertility problem

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