Pregnant after twins

[plainjane70]

NC for this

Looking for some nonjudgmental advice.

After years of trying for a baby resulting in fertility treatment, I gave birth to twins in Jan last year.

We had one night of passion last month and I've just found out I'm pregnant!
One part of me sees this as a miracle and over the moon. The other part feels there's no way I can cope with 3 under 3.

DH says he's happy with two and it won't be fair on the twins to have another baby whilst they still need so much attention.
Then the logistics like buggy/car etc.

I don't know what to do, I know he's right but I just can't imagine having an abortion. Especially after longing for a baby for so long, don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am to have two.

It's quite common for women to have 3 under 3, many women choose to have their children back to back and they manage it. It's one of those things you just learn to adapt and do.

I think abortion is an extreme reaction in this scenario personally, but if it's something you and your partner are 100,000,000 % on then that's a decision you both need to come to. I say this because I know women who regret their abortions later on in life and just never get over it as I guess they weren't as set as they'd first thought. I know others who've aborted and they're content they made the best decision for them and their family at the time.

If it's just fear holding you back I would take a deep breath and speak to other mothers who have so many young children at once and how they deal, mothers of triplets etc too. As for the logistical side of things you could baby wear the baby and have the twins in buggies etc, there are always ways forward. Wishing you the best whatever decision you come to.

How old will the twins be when the baby is due?

Congratulations. Give it some time to sink in before you decide what to do.

3 under 3 is not that bad.
We had a 9, 4 & 2 year old when we had our twin girls (unplanned - failed coil). It was exhausting but I wouldn't change it, expecting our 6th now (probably a bit crazy lol). I'm on my own with the kids most of the time as sh works away, you just habevto be super organised.

Op I feel you, my twins were born a month earlier than yours and I'd cry if o fell pregnant. But like you l, having struggled to conceive and it would be what it is. Hard work but happening.

They'll be just shy of 2 when the baby is born so although they will always need you, it isn't like they're totally dependent on you.

You could use a double buggy and baby wear to start with then use a double with a toddler board on and then eventually a single with the twins on reins / wrist straps.

Do you have the bedroom space? Is the car big enough? Those are the real big issues I guess but congratulations. You can't go ahead with an abortion you don't want to keep him happy, it'll cost you your marriage in all likelihood

Hi OP, I have 24mo twins and am almost 37 weeks pregnant with number 3. I am a little nervous about the prospect of having 3 under 3, but also totally excited! My DH wasn't convinced at first either but came around and is now also super excited.

I have a bugaboo donkey twin which I've attached a buggy board to and have been getting the toddlers used to using that for a while now - they love it! So I'll use it with a bassinet for LO, one seat and the buggy board which the twins can turns on. I did have to buy a new car - there aren't many of there which offer 3 isofix points plus have room for a double buggy and two adults! We ended up with a Landrover discovery but other options are the Audi Q7 and Ford Galaxy / CMax.

Good luck - you can do this!

For the cars... we have a Ford S max. Plenty of room for 3 carseats in the middle row, huge boot when 3rd row is down. We had room for a double stroller in boot with all 7 seats up too.
We fit the bunk beds & mattresses from IKEA in it with all the back seats down.

Thanks so much for all of the lovely advice.
I'm going to take a few days before deciding what to do.

DH is adamant it would be too hard with 3 and it's not something he wants. Not sure how I can bring him round.

If he was onboard, it would be a no brainer. He's making me doubt being able to manage/ afford it. I'm not long back to work and we're feeling the pinch paying two nursery fees, let alone 3!

We have the bedroom space and could trade in the car for a bigger one.

Initially I didn't realise it was your DH who doesn't think it's manageable and wants the abortion.. in that case do NOT do it. You will live to always wonder what if and resent him. The decision has to solely be yours.

If you can manage twins I think you can manage anything haha