Is it normal to feel lonely during pregnancy?

[moaningcow97]

I’m only early on, just about to come into second trimester.

But I feel so lonely? It’s really odd. I’m growing a little human but I do just feel like I’m alone. Not so much with my partner he’s very supportive and has been my rock through this whole first trimester and all the ‘lovely’ symptoms that came with it!

It’s more regarding family. My siblings don’t seem to be too bothered, my parents are quite excited as it’s the first grandchild but my mother is quite overbearing and opinionated - which my partner doesn’t enjoy but bites his tongue about.

His family are kind of excited but have grandkids already and this doesn’t bother me but my whole life I’ve kind of felt ‘second fiddle’ or less important and this shows elsewhere I’m quite competitive which I’m trying to get rid of - it’s a quality I dislike.

I don’t know why I just get the feeling no one really cares and to be honest it only matters if me and my partner are happy and excited which we are! But I don’t know I just wanted a feeling of everyone being excited

I’m sure this is just hormones playing up and making me a moody moaning cow (hence the username) someone please tell me it’s normal to get a bit blue?! Even if I am very early on

So are you lonely or do you just want to feel like people are more excited / fussing over you?

Is covid / lockdown playing a part? I am pregnant and have been WFH since last March and don't see many people as I'm being careful about covid because of my pregnancy so I don't really see anyone except my husband other than my parents and occasionally through work.

Like pp said is it more that you feel not enough support/interest surrounding the pregnancy?

I think that's normal...I don't have a relationship with my mum so I definitely felt that. There was no one to share that special relationship with (complicated relationship with baby's dad/family so didn't have it there either).

I think I've just gotten on with it by myself and looked at it that I'm happy to be growing my own little family. Just a switch in perspective.

I also think, if it is more about people taking interest in your pregnancy, that this is quite common, from what I read on MN. There are often women, typically pregnant with their first baby, who feel like their friends and family should be more interested in the pregnancy but everyone is different.

People do care but the fact is that your pregnancy is not such a big thing for other people as it is for you. It's nice that your mother is interested.

My in laws are similar in that while my first baby was my parents' first grandchild, in my DH's family, there were already lots of grandchildren, two of whom were DH's (my stepchildren) so I felt it wasn't as big a deal to them but then I think that's just natural.
It doesn't mean they're not excited.

You say you are "competitive" and I kind of get what you mean so maybe a mindset change is needed. Many people have children and that doesn't impact on you really. Them having children doesn't take away from you having your own family.

I do feel it’s probably more I wish people seemed more excited? But lonely as in I only feel like I have my DP and to be fair our family is all I need

I think some childhood issues about always feeling left out and not good enough are resurfacing and I need to realise I don’t need approval and attention from a lot of people just my important person

If this is more of a long term thing then perhaps some counselling would help you.

I know exactly what you mean by feeling lonely. I am nearly 20 weeks and I'm feeling the same. I can't quite put my finger on it. You're not alone xx

@lolateddy, @moaningcow97. I could have started this thread today ❤️. I’m 18 weeks and have felt really emotional, I just came back from a walk with OH and I actually described it as lonely.

I’m not really bothered about friends showing more of an interest, as I understand how it is from when the roles are reversed! For me it’s lack of female company I think, someone to talk to as I’ve been quite poorly, quite anxious as I’ve had a previous loss. My mum is lovely but, isn’t particularly hands on and my sister lives abroad so there’s no one else! But you’re not alone int his either xx

You still have quite a while until the baby arrives if you are still in the first trimester, at least 7 months.. so it's likely it just feels a long way away for them and they will be more excited nearer the time and be able to show it more when they can buy you gifts etc.

I feel this. I've always shown interest in my friends pregnancies but now that I'm pregnant , that interest isn't returned. Makes me wonder if the friendship are just one sided and I've just never noticed

Honestly, don't take this the wrong way OP but I really don't care about peoples pregnancy.

I am also TTC and if fall pregnant really don't expect/want people to be massively interested if rather it all just happen quietly.

I think you're dealing with some insecurities you need to work on

@Namechangeme1 hi, I don’t mean I need people to care and be asking 20 million questions about my pregnancy

I meant more when I speak about little things like how a scan was etc they show some interest instead of just grunting or basically ignoring me :)

I’m well aware I have insecurities I need to work on

But it’s general politeness if someone is talks about their pregnancy to show a general interest - that’s what I’m talking about.

Oh it’s so exciting and you can talk to your baby and once you feel movement!! It’s a special time, my daughter is 10 and I remember her tiny foot kicking my ribs to bits!! This time will pass, you are the most important person to your baby.. another soul growing in you! Magic!!

Don’t mind others, this is you and your partners special time... oh and lots of romantic nights out as babysitters are 9 pounds an hour!! 😉

Honestly, OP, when people bemoan other people’s lack of interest in their pregnancy, what I actually hear is that they’re worried about something missing in their own feelings about the pregnancy, or impending parenthood etc. If you are entirely happy about something, you don’t need other people to throw a parade. Of course, it’s also entirely normal to be ambivalent, but maybe ask yourself why you’re setting so much store by other people’s responses?

Hi OP, I read your post with interest, as I actually feel the opposite. I'm just coming up to 12 weeks and my mum is really looking forward to being able to tell people the news. I, on the other hand, feel I'm only telling people out of courtesy (it seems like the right thing to do, and obviously is when it comes to work). I feel this is quite a private experience between me and my husband, and I'm really dreading any fuss that might come my way.

Just to clarify I don’t exactly want a newspaper announcement or red carpet rolled out for me. I meant I wanted family to be more interested :)

People who matter, I’m not bothered about friends or acquaintances.

@moaningcow97

Just to clarify I don’t exactly want a newspaper announcement or red carpet rolled out for me. I meant I wanted family to be more interested :)

People who matter, I’m not bothered about friends or acquaintances.

No, I understood you didn’t want tabloid headlines, it’s just why are you so invested in other people’s interest? Assuming they didn’t reply ‘Bored now!’ when you said you were pregnant — which they clearly didn’t, as you say your parents are excited, and PILS are ‘kind of excited’ — what is it you want? I don’t think my siblings were remotely interested as they had their own busy lives, and though my parents were excited, we lived in different countries and I think I only saw them and my PILS about twice while pregnant. It was my parents’ first (and only) grandchild, so they were more excited than my PILs, for whom it was their 11th. My tactless MIL was unable to conceal her disapproval that a ‘career woman’ was having a planned only child at 39 rather than having five she couldn’t afford by the age of 23, but that’s her issue, not mine.

It sounds more like you feel a bit invisible than anything to do with pregnancy.