Page 2 | Terrified of giving birth

Peach01 · 13/06/2021 23:44

Want to give my experience with an epidural as I was on the fence until just before I went to the labour room. Happy I told them I wanted one prior so they were ready to get the anaesthetist once active labour started.
I was induced, that was a factor in my decision and wasn't allowed morphine (which I didn't know until in the labour room). Gas and air alone didn't cut it for me once in active labour with the drip.
The epidural was perfect, pelvis/abdomen area numb (which was heaven) but I didn't completely lose sensation in legs. It was a lifesaver. I got a much needed sleep in between getting the epidural and having to push.
You still know when to push when you have an epidural. You feel the pressure (but not any pain) of the baby moving. The midwife tells you when to push but after a couple of times you just know. You have a little top up button to push whenever you need to. I never needed to but I did push it just before baby came out just in case! I had an assisted delivery, the epidural made it all a breeze. I wouldn't hesitate to get another.

OnTheBrink1 · 13/06/2021 23:52

@Ginevere

I know this has been done to death, but I’m sitting here at 37 weeks and it all feels very real all of a sudden.

I’m not good with pain, and I get myself worked up easily if I’m scared, so I’m worried I’m going to make it worse. I’ve tried reading lots of positive birth stories, but without fail they all say ‘my first birth was terrible, but my second…’ or ‘after a traumatic first birth, I decided to…’ which does NOT help me.

I’m convinced it’s going to be horrible and frightening. I’m scared about the loss of control, all the things that could go wrong, the uncertainty. Sometimes I even convince myself I’m going to die in childbirth; I’ve even written my husband a list in case that happens. I’ve always had very mild periods, and no period pain, which doesn’t help as I feel like I’m not prepared for contractions.

I don’t want a C section as the idea of my stomach being cut open is even worse to me. I don’t want an epidural as I’m scared of losing feeling in my body and not being able to sense the baby. But I also can’t imagine dealing with hours of contractions, bleeding, tearing. Im so frightened I’m struggling to sleep and I keep getting randomly weepy. I feel like a bit of a failure already tbh, and it’s really putting a dark light on the arrival of my baby.

I don’t know what I’m hoping for really- maybe some assurance that it won’t be as bad as I think? That thousands of women do it every day and to get over myself? Anything from someone whose done it would be reassuring, as a lot of my friends won’t tell me as ‘they don’t want to scare me’ which is a terrifying thing to hear in itself. I also had a woman in a cafe randomly tell me giving birth gave her PTSD and she’s refused to have a second, which was awful to hear also.

Try to think positively, have an idea of what you would like during birth but have an open mind in case plans change. Many many women have had fantastic first births including me. Just gas and air. Bare in mind the transition part is the bit where most women say they can’t do it but keep going to the pushing and then it’s pretty much done for most women. Also one tip, don’t scream / shout during pushing, focus all the energy you have down, every bit of power down to push. Don’t be scared of tearing etc you don’t feel it. Have gas and air during stitches if you need them- they numb you there and it’s not as bad as I was fearing. Stay at home for as long as possible if you are low risk pregnancy. Try not to get induced if you can possibly help it. I have a very very low pain threshold and went for as much natural as possible - the body knows what to do for most women.

haveibeencaughtout · 14/06/2021 00:06

385,000 women a day do it. 140 million a year do it. You will do it. You really will. If you want an epidural, have one. You can still feel your body. If you need a c-section, they know what they're doing. Hypnobirthing and counting and concentrating helped me. I was induced and then had an ECS, but it got done. Then I had a brilliant little baby. It's a major event, but the big stuff comes after. Being in charge of someone. You will do it and you'll be fine. We all like to dine out on our birthing stories. I love talking about mine. I like recounting the drama of it all. Although it was a big shock to me, it was nothing to the medical staff. They know what they're doing.

Curiosity101 · 18/06/2021 17:30

How're you getting on @Ginevere?

Winecurestiredness · 18/06/2021 18:33

i am young (28) and have had 3 babies. I was just 19 with my first and i was such a worrier that i couldnt even tolerate blood tests, my mum told me anytime i would listen about her forceps and tearing deliveries that i worried about it the entire duration of my pregnancy. didnt help that people (read: female relatives) enjoyed telling me about how their baby got stuck/pooed inside them/tore them relentless and they even found it funny. I actually experienced none of that. in fact i was never even given the chance to experience the labour i had worried about for months...i got extremely high blood pressure so they had to give me an ELCS with all three

SunnySideUp2020 · 18/06/2021 18:43

I was also leaning towards birth and minimal pain relief but to tell you the truth i started having contractions every 2-3 min lasting a min out of nowhere right after my waters went at home in the middle of the night.
The pain was unbearable and i told the midwife to wait for me with the epidural - am coming to the hospital!
I had a low dose/waking epidural and it was blissful!
Not a traumatic birth at all, a couple of hours, on the drip to speed up dilation and pushed my little girl in a couple of pushes no help, feeling it all but without pain. I didn't tear either. Just a little stitch needed on the labia.
Amazing experience.
I was also terrified of giving birth and all the horror stories which do happen. I did have complications after the birth with a retained placenta and infection but that's not something you can help unfortunately.
But i am one of the lucky ones or regular ones who had a good first vaginal birth in itself.
I'd do it again!

Just keep an open mind regarding the epidural!

Level75 · 18/06/2021 18:46

You'll be fine. I agree with those who say it's not like normal pain. I had my first at home in a pool with just gas and air. It's hard work but you sort of zone out (the gas may have helped)!

Personally I'd go through labour 10x to have had trouble free breastfeeding. For me that was loads harder and more painful!

notacooldad · 18/06/2021 18:53

24 years ago I could have written your post down to the point in issuing instructions to DH.
However when the time came you honestly just get caught up in the moment and get on with it.
Once it was over I couldn't believe that I had my very own baby in my arms.
Yes it does hurt but I can't describe it. However, it didn't stop me going on to have another a couple of years later and feeling broody a few years after that!!
The only advice I can say is just go with the flow.

scaredsadandstuck · 18/06/2021 18:54

My first birth (and my second) was very straight forward. People love to tell you the horror stories but there are plenty of run of the mill ones too. I second the advice about trying to stay active in labour - keep upright of its comfortable for you, keep moving and if you get the chance to try a pool go for it . Not everyone loves it but if you do love it I think you will REALLY love it! You'll be amazing whatever happens!

Scubalubs87 · 18/06/2021 19:16

Op, I'm sorry you're feeling scared. Giving birth was genuinely the best thing I've ever done. That's not to say it wasn't painful and intense, but, honestly, I found there to be something really raw and beautiful about it all. I felt like bloody superwoman after. I did have relatively straightforward labours. But, my second was an unexpected, and unwanted, induction and I still feel very positive about that delivery too. I've had my babies and I know I'm done but there is a tiny part of me that feels sad that I'll never give birth again. I don't want to diminish the experiences of those of who had a much tougher time than me, but it is possible to have a really positive birth experience.

I did an online hypnobirthing course prior to my first birth and found it tremendously helpful. I am a huge control freak and the thing that scared me most about giving birth was that I just couldn't control labour and dictate how it would go. It helped me relinquish the fact that I couldn't control how my labours panned out but understand that I could control my mindset and reactions. I can be a real flapper in general but I remained relatively calm throughout my labours and I completely put it down to the breathing etc that I learned in the hypnobirthing course.

AnneElliott · 18/06/2021 19:21

Definitely try hypo birthing - I thought it was great.

And for balance my birth was 3 hrs only and two quick pushes. It was completely fine. It's just not that exciting which is why you see the traumatic ones online.

Verbena87 · 18/06/2021 19:52

Hypnobirthing techniques and breathing exercises are really useful, but I found i had to really push against the feeling I had ‘failed’ because I needed forceps/episiotomy to deliver my son.

I remember lying in theatre after birth feeling so cross that the course had somehow made me feel an instrumental delivery was less valid. My experience was that anything apart from ‘are we both safe and alive?’ felt like a total irrelevance and I wished I’d not spent so much time worrying about details.

And despite the scary/painful bits of my birth I think I’d feel more confident again because I know beyond doubt that as long as I’m treated with respect (I was, in my experience birth professionals are brilliant humans) and get a live baby in my arms at the end, the other stuff isn’t worth stressing over for me.

Basically: go with the flow, use the expertise of the midwives, and know you are a fucking goddess whether you deliver naked in a pool with only gas and air, or in theatre via c-section, or whatever else.

Gettingbiggerandbigger · 18/06/2021 20:23

Each birth is different. I was scared the first time, nothing anyone will say can change that for you unless you change it yourself.

What you need to focus on is that what ever pain there is won’t last. It really is true when people say you forget about it. After each child I could have quite happily done it over again.

I barely felt a thing with my first. I was induced and had an epidural, I spent most of my time chatting and playing cards with my husband and also had a good 6 hour sleep before I was woken and told it was time to push.

My 2nd I had no idea I was in labour, felt a few twinges and I’m a softy, I even saw my midwife that day and she thought I was days away, my the time I thought something was up there was no time for drugs and baby flew out after an hours labour. My 3rd again an induction, the pain relief had worn off and before I had a chance to have more I’d had the baby. As soon as each labour was done I didn’t even think about the pain.

You have to focus on something positive, it dosnt matter what it is just try and and think of something else. In the run up to each labour I lost myself in reading, once I start a good series of books I can’t put them down. It helped distract my mind and not think about anything.

Original poster

Ginevere · 20/06/2021 22:38

@Curiosity101 I’m actually feeling a lot better thank you! The day I posted I was about a 9/10 for fear, I’d say I hover between 4-5 now! I’ve not had a chance to do the hypno video, but I will do it tomorrow as it’s had so many recommendations. Ive read some of the book though, and honestly just reading the posts from so many of you on here who’ve said they enjoyed birth has made me feel a lot better. Ive also had horrible carpel tunnel, so I’m almost looking forward to going into labour now so I can have my hands back! Im 38+3, so it all feels very close now, but I feel prepared and I’m going to spend all day tomorrow watching hypnosis which I hope hope help!

Thank you so much to everyone who posted their stories on this thread, it’s honestly been so helpful and turned my thinking around on it!

OP posts:

firstimemamma · 20/06/2021 22:47

I've only given birth once and honestly it was fine op. 16 hours long and only the last 2 we're really tough - so that's a good 14 hours of being able to manage just fine / feeling ok. Honestly, you can survive anything if it's just 2 hours long and even then I was having breaks between contractions. I tore but honestly had no idea this was happening and a midwife has to tell me. I was stitched up (which was 100% pain free thanks to local anaesthetic) and everything was fine. Absolutely zero evidence of any tearing now. A really positive experience and I genuinely can't wait to do it again. Good luck

Pastelhp · 27/01/2025 20:53

Hey OP, I know this thread is old now - but this is exactly how I feel. Can I ask how your labour went in the end? Did anything in particular help with your fears?