Anxious about going into labour when husband's at work

[mag2305]

I'm 37 weeks. My husband works in a school about 20 mins away and the hospital is another 20 mins from home. In itself that's not too bad. The problem is that he is a designated driver for out of school activities and he takes the children on 3 or 4 a week. I'm worried because I just don't think he'll be able to get away quickly if needed because he'll have the minibus not his own car, plus would have to leave the other staff member on their own with the children which could be difficult.
Bit more context... I have pretty severe anxiety anyway and am under a perinatal team but I'm also getting really scared of giving birth this time. When I had my son, it was 3 days of back to back labour, epidural, episiotomy, forceps, up to 3 litre blood loss, blood transfusion. Needles to say, I was left quite traumatised. I hear that second babies can be quicker which sounds better than my previous 3 days, but I'm also scared of being on my own. My parents will be needed for looking after my little boy so I feel quite dependent on my husband being there. I'm getting so scared about it all.

Just realised I used the word scared three times there.

I think labour is most likely to start when you’re in bed isn’t it? I think being warm, feeling safe and in darkness helps the oxytocin or something. All 3 of mine started that way anyway.

If you really need to, you can call an ambulance if there is no-one to take you to the hospital.

Oh lovely, it’s scary.

Whilst my first Labour didn’t end like yours, I did have my first contraction on a Monday and don’t give birth til the Saturday, and all three of mine have been back to backs. My two subsequent ones were much quicker (27 and 15 hours first contraction to baby, hurries bits down to three and one hours) but plenty of time in the early stages to call husband from work and hibernate/run myself a hot Bath/other stuff.

Hope it goes much more smoothly this time.

@Holidayhomeone that sounds better than my worries. Last time, it started after going out for pizza with my husband in the evening. So he was with me, albeit for the next 3 days!

Just wondering - and hopefully you’re being supported on this - if you can make a list of things to do in early Labour which might help you feel more in control and less scared?

For example:
Ring husband
Take paracetamol
Run Bath
Ring parents
Watch (something funny and mind numbing to take your brain off it)
Play (computer game, whatever)
Check (food supplies, Labour bag, etc)
Meditate/visualise/etc.
Open app to time contractions

Things that you can plan now to fill the time between it starting and you feeling supported?

After a traumatic birth and all your other worries you could consider an elcs. You will be booked in for a certain date so your husband can get time booked off work in advance.

I always have this worry too. My husband is military and it's a 4.5hr car journey when he is shore side. Works on board a ship so doesn't always get a signal and they're not the best at answering calls on the ship either. Luckily he's been home on leave for holidays or the weekends and our last he was home with a broken leg so not missed any yet. This one he keeps asking me if I'll go elcs (had one last time), this would ensure he'll be home and for longer after too but I've not committed to a yes or a no atm. We know lots of families where they didn't make it home for births.

@SmednotaSmoo thank you x

@Chelyanne an elcs would of helped me feel a bit more control I think. However, I followed my consultant's advice as she said a cs could mean a greater blood loss which I'm high risk for after last time.

@SmednotaSmoo thank you x

I assume your dh has told his school about your pregnancy, and they are aware that he could need to take paternity leave at short notice?

In which case they should have a plan in place for an alternative driver or cancellation of the extra curricular stuff. It is very unlikely that you'll go from first twinge to 9cm in the time he would already have left school to when he would get back - even if that's from 9am to 3pm.

What have they said he/they will do in the event you do go into labour?

@Couldhavebeenme2 the deputy head said she'd have a talk about it with the head at his school. He only asked about it this afternoon. So we'll see what they say.

With both of mine I didn't need to go to the hospital for several hours after I first suspected/showed signs that I was in labour. If you parents will be taking care of your DS, they could always wait with you so you're not on your own waiting for DH.

With my first I lost my plug at about 10/11pm. Then started getting twinges at about 5am. At this point I told DH not to go to work. Didn't get to the point where I needed to go to hospital until midday. DS was born within an hour of getting to the hospital. If I'd lived further from the hospital I probably would have gone an hour or two earlier.

With my second I was at work myself when I started getting those first twinges at about 1pm. I actually stayed at work for another hour or so as I was in denial that I was in labour (36+6). DH didn't believe I was in labour either. At about 7pm-8pm I contacted the local midwives and they asked me to go in. We waited for my inlaws to come to collect DS and finally got the birth center at about 9pm. DD arrived just before 2am.

Although you'll want DH home with you as soon as possible it won't necessarily be a mad rush to the hospital.

I think you need to make a plan with him once he's heard from his boss.

E.g. how will you contact him? Is he allowed his mobile or not? Do you have a school office number? Does he have his car at work etc.? What is the contingency plan with other members of staff? Presume you husband doesn't take a whole bus of kids on his own?

My DH is GP and so obviously can't just answer his phone in the middle of the day. When I was near term he gave me the surgery reception number and the practice manager's direct line in case I couldn't get through to him for whatever reason.

A plan will help you feel more in control.

Your DH school will probably be more than happy to work something out. What would they do if he was off sick? There is usually more than one designated driver for this reason. In emergencies on trips our head has driven to wherever they are with extra staff. I hope they are supportive in their reply!

[quote mag2305]@Couldhavebeenme2 the deputy head said she'd have a talk about it with the head at his school. He only asked about it this afternoon. So we'll see what they say.[/quote]
Bloody hell, you mean he's only just told them you're pregnant and he's expecting to take paternity leave with almost no notice?

Or rather, he's told them months ago and this is the first time anyone's realised he's actually not going to be around to drive the bus, and may need to abandon kids during the day?

Either way, you need confirmation of the plan asap

Sorry I have not read the full thread. This was my biggest fear having all my dc. My husband works an hour away. I swear there is a hormone thing or something, my body didn't go into labour during any of my pregnancies until DH was home. First child 3am. Second child 9pm. Third child, 10 mins before the moment DH walked through the door! I think your body listens to your anxiety. I know that sounds mad but as both a scientist and a mum of three I honestly think it's the case! Good luck mumma whatever happens you will be ok xxx

Also to add, I had a horrific first labour. Back to back baby born hand first (compound presentation). I nearly died. At times I wanted to. Post partum Haemorrhage, fractured coccyx, huge third degree tear that wasn't even picked up till weeks later and I had to go back in for surgery again, severe anaemia (but I was refused a transfusion, later found out they dropped the ball there). I should probably sue or something but just can't be bothered!

But my second and third labours were short, and textbook. I walked out of the hospital within hours fit as a horse (albeit one who had just given birth).

He’s only just asked about it?!

@Couldhavebeenme2 his work has known for ages but yes, he's only just asked about the out of school trips. The problem is it's part of his job. However, I'm a teacher too so I know full well that there's a way of working things out in schools when needed. Like you said @tiredteacher100 what if he was off sick.