Pregnant Again and DS only 10 months

[walkingtimebomb]

Hi
I have just found out that I am prg again after giving birth to a DS on 25 Jan 07. I am having some very weird and mixed emotions about this prg most of them neg. The weird thing is it took 18 mnth to conceive DS so DH and I decided to leave it to chance next time round so have not been careful. Thats why I am so confused about my negative emotions, its not like I didn't know it couldn't happen, in fact I realised there was a very very strong chance it could. There is no question of whether or not I am having it, thats a no brainer but I can't believe how scared and guity I feel about being prg again and can't imagine how I will cope with a 1 1/2 yr old and a new born. I also feel I am depriving DS of quality time that he deserves. I had a horrible prg and labour the 1st time and dread that happening again but more than that I am worried my neg feelings mean I wont bond with DS/DD no 2 and I will end up not coping and possibly with PND. Has anyone got a similar experience and how well or not have you coped. I guess I am looking for some reassurance that everything will be OK. Help!

you need to speak to nbg she is in a similar situation just about to have her 3rd and her 2nd is 15months so she was like 5 months when she found out she was pregnant

Hi,

I dont have any direct experience but didnt want to leave you without a reply. My friend has an 18 month age gap with her 2. She says its fine with few jealousy problems, etc. OK, she is busy and the first few months were difficult but aren't they always with any age gap. There are pros and cons to having any gap. As far as the pregnancy and brith go, no two are the same anyway so hopefully it wil be better for you this time. The friend with the 18 month age gap had a quicker and better birth than last time and swears its because her body could remember what to do. I am pregnant with DC2 and will have a 2.5 year age gap. The good thing is that DD will be out of nappies (hopefully) and able to feed herself and walk, etc. The downside is she is used to my attention and will almost certainly be very jealous and had a habit of running away from me i public spaces so thats going to be tricky with a new born in a sling/buggy.

Just a thought but ave you thought about addressing some of your issues around the last pregnancy/birth. It may be that you havent done this so thats what the root of your feelings are about. I have heard of people going through their notes and my SIL received couselling after a traumatic birth.

Hi - just wanted to say that I felt exactly the same as you when I found out I was pregnant for the second time. There will be a bigger gap between my two - DD will be 20 months when the next one arrives in Feb but I still struggled with the new pregnancy in the same way you describe. So, I can't offer advice on how you are going to cope but I wanted to let you know that I feel confident now that I will cope, and that DD will cope with (even enjoy?) the new arrival and that most of my feelings about my current pregnancy have now turned into excitement rather than dread.
Good luck x

I have a 12 month gap between mine (54 weeks to be exact) so can understand how you feel. Ds1 only learnt to walk at 13 months, after ds2 was born so I had to carry two babies around to begin with! I won't deny that it was very very hard. I struggled with my second pregnancy (had an em section with ds1 and didn't really recover before I fell pg with ds2) but it does get easier eventually. Mine are 3.0 and 2.0 now and it's much better.

Good luck. Take all the help you are offered!

I have a 15 month gap between my two, and love it. They are now ds4 and dd3 and the best of friends. It was tough the first couple of months, but gets much much easier, and I think that having them close in age now is easier than a bigger gap would have been. There are plenty of people here who have had close gaps and can give advice.

I am now on my 3rd pregnancy, and keep having negative feelings, I think it just goes with the territory of pregnancy hormones sometimes. I remember feeling really anxious about how I would cope when prg the second time, but it all worked out well. Also to reassure you I had a terrible pg and birth with my ds, but with my dd it was much easier, my pg was definitely better, and the birth very different, and much easier. There is no way of knowing if you will have a good or bad pg or birth, you just have to wait and see!!! I hth

Hi

As duntg said my ds (second child) was only 5 months when I found out I was pg with my 3rd.
I was pretty sure that ds would be our last child but I did say that with dd and became very broody when she was about 2 .

I'll be totally honest and say this pregnancy has been bloody hard in every way. Emotionally, physcially and mentally.
I've suffered terribly with SPD and I was having panic/anxiety attacks too.

On top of that, ds is the biggest mummys boy ever
He does not go to anyone else apart from myself, dh and my mum.
So now at 38 weeks, its a bit of a pita when you have a 15 month old climbing all over your bump and you feel breathless and ache from hair tip to your toes

But, all this aside. I can see in the future (not literally but ykwim) and see both ds and new baby being very close because of the age gap and having 3 children around the house will be brilliant.
I dont deny that it will be bloody hard work and I'll probably be like a walking zombie for the next year or so but it will be great.

The other thing is that because I have had the crappy anxiety, my MW has kept a close eye on me and my GP is on standby to help. She's determined for me not to get bad again after the birth.

Have you seen a MW yet or booked in?

I have just under 18mths between my 2 boys.
We planned to have them close, but even so it's still a shock and hard work.
I had major reservations when I was actually in labour with DS2, thinking what have I done to poor DS1.
DS1 was still taking several hrs to get to sleep and getting up in the night until DS2 was about 3mths.
They are now sharing a bedroom, DS1 settles to sleep straight after a story and DS2 drifts off half an hr or so later with me at the bottom of his bed.
DS1 still has a jealous streak still and does push and bite DS2, but he is getting much better.
DS2 usually provokes a play fight now!
They are 2.9yrs and 15mths.

It's hard but you do cope and there are many special moments which outweigh the bad times.
I have had depression for several years so was more susceptible to PND and also developed anxiety and related IBS, but after trying several AD's I'm coping and feeling better.

Feel free to add me to msn if you want to talk more

Thanks for all your replies, I am starting to feel a bit better day by day. I guess I just need to get used to the idea! Its so weird as I always imagined I would be more in control with the second pregnancy and because I felt an overwhelming sense of love and pride when I held DS for the first time I knew no matter how traumatic preg and labour was I defo wnated to experience it all again. But the reality is proving to be more daunting than I expected. I am seeing my doc on Weds for booking in and one of my NCT friends is also expecting her second so I am not totally alone. Thanks again guys. x

I have 18 months between my girls who are now 3 and 22 months. Am 7 weeks pregnant with number 3 as well. I love the age gap it's great they adore each other and are very close. It was tough to begin with but I think it would be whatever the gap. I love the fact there will be one school year between them both hopefully they will look out for one another.

I honestly wish I had the same age gap to this new one but nature decided otherwise I'm going to have a huge 2 1/2 year gap this time. You will be fine, you will cope fine.

I have just found out I am pregnant. My DD is also just 10 month old, she was born on the 8th of January.
We tried to conceive her for 4 years! I never bothered with contraception as I thought I didn't need it...
90% of me is very pleased not tp have to go through the infertility tratment again, and so happy to have another baby, and 10% of me is scared!
Also, and am sure this is rubbish, I am scared of breaking the special bond I ahave with my daughter as I am still BF and we're very fusional.

congratulations walkingtimebomb!
i have ds born 31st jan and am also due 25th july. come join the antenatal thread!

and breizhette too!

I've been reading this with interest - I am 9 weeks pregnant and DD is nearly 7 months. I'm thrilled but in denial about how hard it is going to be....it is great to hear that siblings are very close. DD will be about 15 months so I'm guessing pretty full on when DC 2 is born -

DID ANYONE MANAGE TO WORK WITH TWO CLOSE IN AGE??

Im due in April and DD1 was born in March this year so there will be a 13 month age gap/
It took 3 years to conceive before so wasnt expecting it quite so quick this time round.
We know it will be hard at first but at least it gets the sleep deprivation/nappies etc out the way and I hope the children will grow up with a close bond.

Garden, I work 3 days a week.
I worked full time up until Jan 05 before I had DS1 in Feb then went back part time in July 05, found out I was Prg with No2 in Nov 05, went off on Mat leave June 06 had DS2 Aug and returned back to work Jan 07.
Employers have been quite accommodating which is great. I have even managed to get an interview to move up a pay band and replace someone who left to be a SAHM.

DS will be two end of Jan, just had DD last week.

There is no mistaking it is hard being pg with a toddler, but I think you are in a much better position because you know what to expect. I had severe HG with both pregnancies and found it much harder to deal with in the first precisly because of the fear of the unknown. And trite as though it is to say it, you do cope because you just have to.

Likewise age difference - there are benefits and disadvantages to any gap, I don't personally think there is 'an ideal time'. I have a friend with a thirteen month gap, and one with a 15 month gap. Both say it is hard at the begeinning but things definitely eased once they were passed the three month mark, and more so at 6 months.

As for PND, think positive - in terms of what preventative action you can take if you think you will be at risk. I have a genetic susceptibility so was actually referred both times to the local Mental Health Mother and Baby team. Both times we had a plan of action and support, should it be needed, and both times I have been fine. Work out where your vulnerabilities are, plan your support and get it in place before the baby arrives. I am not saying you can magically wish it away if it does happen, but it does help having some feeling of control of the situation.

Good luck!

WTB - just want to add that I was in exactly the same position as you. It took two years to conceive dd1 and we were told my tubes were blocked and needed IVF. Then next month I fell pg - what a shock. DD1 was born in March 05 and then when she was 9 months I fell pg with dd2. We weren't being careful and I thought it wouldn't happen for at least 6 months! I blame too much christmas sherry!! I was happy but worried about coping as the gap was 17.5 months. But it wasn't as bad as I envisaged, in fact I am much happier with two, but then I like being busy. DD2 is now 14 months, and she'll be walking soon, so it might get trickier with two toddlers heading in different directions.

But the story isn't over there, we've not been very careful again (long story) and I'm sure no 3 might be on the way, so I am a tad nervous about coping again. I'll do a test next week but I've only ever felt this grotty twice before! I always said I wanted a big family and I know when the time comes I will cope and I know you will too .

Oh and congratulations!

Hi GA4,
I went nack to work part time 3 days per week in August when DS was 6 months. I went to a new employer and clearly they do not know that I am prg yet - I dread telling them. I plan to go on mat leave in Jun 08 which means I wont even have completed 1 yrs service. Ho hum! Anyway I intend to return to my job when DD/DS2 is 9 months. I'm figuring I'll need the break I'm much more excited and positive about this prg now thanks to all your postings Thanks Stripey for advice on pnd, don't think I am particularly susceptible but will take on board your good advice. x

How wonderful maviscrewit, I love your story - I hope to have 3 one day, I love the idea of a big family. Que sera, I'm sure if you do get a BFP you will be delighted! Keep is posted personally I don't think I could wait if the signs were there I would have to do a test. Good on you for being so patient!

Thanks WTB, in fact I'm not very patient, have been trying to ignore it all but I am not sure how long my resolve will last. Maybe the thought of loading the lo's into the car to get to a chemist is putting me off tee hee!! AF is due on Weds so i might do a test on monday, I did the other ones a couple of days early too.

Glad you are feeling positive now, its fantastic it really is, I wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks WTB and bursting re work front. It's great to know it can be done. I work for myself so have been sort of working on and off since DD was 4 weeks....and am doing two days a week at the moment, but it is a struggle because typically I am trying to cram a full time work load into part time hours....

mavis I love your story too! Let us know. I've always fancied 4 (!!) but DH is adamant two is where it stops...

my first 2 dds are 19 months apart. It was hard work to start with, but now (6.5 and 5) are best friends and do everything together. Once you get over the first few hellish months it is great. So great in fact, that I now have 3 kids