AIBU - DH social life and covid

[spacegirl123]

Hello, husband and I have just had a huge fight - again - about him wanting to go out partying when neither he or I are vaccinated and I'm 16w pregnant. I have my vaccine booked for Thursday and I'm swaying toward getting it but honestly it's mostly because I'm worried about husband bringing covid home from partying.

Don't get me wrong he's not out all the time but the other week he was at a wedding with 50 guests, in July he's going on a stag do, another wedding and then there's all the football coming up. Both doc and midwife advised weighing up the risk factors of getting covid when deciding to get vaccinated- we both work from home, don't have other kids, don't need to get public transport etc. I could avoid getting it but I'm too worried about DH bringing it home. Of course I'm not trying to stop him from seeing friends but we're not talking about a few drinks with a small group of friends from time to time it's full on benders with large groups of people.

Just tonight one of his pals broke up with his gf after she cheated. DH's pal is taking himself off to Amsterdam tomorrow for a three day bender on his own then has invited DH round to his this Saturday. He has no intention of quarantining when he gets back. This is the only thing I have said an absolute no to as it's just pushing it too far but it started a huge row. He threw back in my face that we took the ferry to NI to visit my family (in cabins btw and I hadn't seen my family in 18 months) and that my mum is flying over in August to visit. Said I'm a hypocrite and can't see the difference- one rule for me and one for him. I had to drive up north for an in-person meeting last week and the other day I met my friend in a park to meet her new baby (we both took covid tests before meeting). Again, can't see the difference in what I'm doing and the risks I'm taking vs what he wants to do.

I'm just so angry and hurt at his behaviour and feel he should be putting me and baby first. We had two miscarriages already, 8 failed IVF plus a cancelled cycle and tried for five years+. I am also at a higher risk already for low birth rate / premature birth. I feel like I'm getting the vaccine for the wrong reasons - to suit DH social life, not because I'm comfortable with the decision. He knows I'm conflicted about it.

AIBU for stopping him doing what he wants? I feel like no but others might see it differently.

He's taking the piss

Definitely not unreasonable. You have to do all sorts to get through pregnancy and keep the baby safe but he can't give up massive benders for a few months?

You're not being unreasonable. He needs to grow up.

He is being MASSIVELY unreasonable. Socially distanced hugs!

This might be helpful for you deciding about the vaccine
emilyoster.substack.com/p/new-data-on-pregnancy-and-vaccines

But whether or not you get it - he's being ridiculous.

I'm afraid I'm with you on this one... it's no good you isolating/making careful choices if he is doing that! He becomes a huge risk factor for you.
I don't know the easy answer for you - but I think he has to understand there are far more serious consequences for you catching Covid and he needs to make responsible/grown up decisions. It'll be a tough conversation... but sadly, he just needs to step up :-)

If he doesn't get his head out of his arse I would ask him to move out.

Oh this is so tough and I totally get where you're coming from. I'm lucky in that my DH has been very good and understanding of the risks of catching covid in the third trimester (I'm 32 weeks) but he does occasionally ask if it's OK if he can go and do something which I'm not comfortable with, and that does cause tension. I actually had my jab at 29 weeks, but first jab only offers around 30% protection from the Indian variant, so we are carrying on only seeing a few friends and family outdoors, at a distance, not going into shops, pubs etc. Could you maybe ask him to do some reading of his own into the unknown of covid in pregnancy and the risk factors? Might make him realise why you're trying to be so careful, and that that will only work if he does the same x

I think he's taking the piss in general going off on benders like that when he has a family at home. He needs to grow up.

Not even factoring in any additional covid fear you may have.

I don't understand why HE isn't vaccinated?

@LaurieFairyCake we have just been called up for vaccine e, we're in the mid-30s group and think it's a bit slower in Scotland. He'll get his next week.

@LeopardHawk honestly if it continues I will ask him to go stay with his mum (which is enough of a deterrent if anything). That way he can do what he likes and not put us at risk. His mum would soon tell him what's what though do can't see that happening.

Thanks all for your replies. He is so good and caring in every other aspect it's just this that just is so immature and ridiculous. We had a huge argument this morning followed by a long talk where we talked through everything properly and I think he's starting to see where I'm coming from. And things on my side too.

Just wish all of this was over but it's not and we just have to deal with it. If I wasn't pregnant it wouldn't be such a huge deal but it took us so long to get here with so much loss and disappointment I just can't take any risks.

Thanks for that link @Soverymuchfruit, really helpful. Honestly I am leaning toward getting it I just don't want to feel pressured for the wrong reasons.

Argh covid!!!