Invasive questions

[Dany165]

Hi! I'm not sure whether I'm being too touchy about this or whether this is actually weird. We are expecting a baby later in the year. Since we told people, multiple friends have asked us whether we were actively trying or whether it was an accident.

The friends we saw last night went so far as to ask about using ovulation kits and scheduling sex. They aren't even close friends - we haven't seen them since before covid and it was a group of six so not 1:1 conversation or anything. They continued to ask for details for a good ten minutes.

My husband thinks it's normal and I'm going to just have to get used to it. Am I being a prude? I need to know whether I just need to give my head a wobble. First pregnancy, recently married so not a new partner or anything. Thanks!

I’d find that weird... I’m nearly 12w pregnant and haven’t been asked anything like that yet, I kinda hope I’m not. We’ve been married for just under a year.

I don’t intend to get into loads of detail about my due date, let alone how we conceived!

I think it depends on the friend. I've had friends ask similar questions but haven't found it weird as they were also ttc and wanted to know what worked for us etc so we were just talking about shared experiences. I would find it weird if we didn't know them well though.

I don't know how it happens tbh. Dh must have tripped and his penis fell into me. ..
But we are very happy with the situation..

I find people who do all that regimented ttc a bit weird. I'd tell them what I thought about the questions tbh, I do tend to be quite blunt which always goes down well lol. If you're not comfortable with it try to change the subject if they do it again, hopefully they'll move on to "how are things going?" next time.

For us it's come quite easily, hanging on to them not so much but the getting pregnant has been. We get the "was it planned?" a lot, we have had a few unplanned (not all yielded babies) but this one was very much planned after 2 mc's and a few chemicals. Hubby did say no to people which really annoyed me and I told him to pack it in, like it matters what others think of how many kids we have (this is our 6th).

People may ask things like whether or not it was planned, though I only got it when expecting DD3.

The questions about tracking ovulation and scheduling sex I would have found very intrusive. You don't have to accept that at all as it is totally inappropriate. I would tell them very bluntly to mind their own business.

I would assume that they were ttc and struggling perhaps. Only people who are TTC and have looked into it would know a ovulation sticks and temping and stuff. Id assume they were trying to figure out what "worked" for you.

I would have probably asked if they were ttc.

Yanbu to want to be questioned about intimate details of your sex life though.

Just raise an eyebrow and give a quizzical stare when they do it.

People are just making conversation and you will need to deal with it. Or they want to gossip about you. (Dany's pregnant and it wasn't planned/Dany's pregnant and they've been trying for ages' etc

You'll get 'Do you want a boy or a girl?' (is there another option?), 'Have you thought of names?' (Don't tell them the actual names you have in mind, as they will slag them off or use them themselves), 'You're not showing much'/'Your bump in enormous' etc

Just change the subject..

I'd assume the ovulation stuff is because they're struggling as that isn't normal conversation really. I think it's okay for friends to discuss this where both parties are comfortable but a group setting doesn't sound like the right time.

I got asked if DC3 was planned, not sure if it's because a lot of people stop at 2 or because there's a bigger age gap between 2 and 3 than 1 and 2 due to difficulty conceiving.

Could the friends who were asking possibly be wanting to start a family of their own and so want tips?

Even so, it’s not a group conversation and should be done one on one. I’m not comfortable giving ‘trying’ tips unless I’m close with someone so I can imagine how uncomfortable it made you feel x

I think you probably had people who are also TTC themselves. I actually got asked if my pregnancy was an IVF one because I had been married 4.5 years when I got pregnant. It's always from people who have questions and don't know where to turn.
If you feel uncomfortable then brush it off.

Well I wouldn't ask others about that (unless very close friend 1:1) but equally I wouldn't mind if others asked me about it. I have some quite full-on 'open' type friends and wouldn't be surprised if they did ask, but they actually haven't yet.
Can you not just jokily say 'woahhh guys, way too much detail!' or something, and change the subject? It doesn't matter if other people find it weird - if you do, don't let them question you about it :)

If it comes up again I might just try and shrug it off or stare at them. Thanks for the suggestions. The other three people in the group were a married couple, a guy who used to be a friend but we are more of acquaintances now (he's gay) and the latter was the one asking about ovulation sticks so it was a bit odd altogether! At least it's not just me!

My husband started talking about us actively deciding to not contraception...it was awkward...