First pregnancy

[BRDouble]

Hi all. I’ve just signed up! I am 34 and my partner and I planned the baby. I expected to be over the moon and to feel so excited and like I’m in a fairy tale once I saw the positive line but I was very ‘meh’ and I can’t work it out! I feel no excitement and to be honest it’s a little worrying after trying just under a year and imagining being a Mum since my mid twenties. My partner has heath issues from long Covid so is still very unwell, clearly depressed and can’t work so that’s probably impacted too to be honest as everything is on my shoulders including looking after him, I don’t even know if he’s well enough to attend my 12 week scan this week. My point is still nothing has clicked in my mind. My Mum is ecstatic with me being an only child. Is this a normal feeling to not have any feeling? Thank you in advance

Congratulations op! Everyone's reactions and feelings are different. I was trying for a while and had 2 mcs so thought I'd be so happy when I finally got pregnant. I was but spent my whole pregnancy worrying that I'd made a mistake or wasn't ready or would regret it or not cope. I really didn't feel maternal at all. All totally normal! It didn't become real for me until LO arrived.
It's important your partner gets some help though - having a baby is hard work and you need his support as much as possible.
Good luck!

Thank you so much for replying, I really do appreciate it and I feel better already! Hopefully Thursday will make it a bit more real My partner’s depression has stemmed for being unwell and out of work for so long from long Covid but thankfully he is getting help for that which I am beyond shocked about as without offending anyone he is the typical ‘traditional’ man who thinks you should just ‘snap out of things like that’. Now all we need is for the Gastro team at the hospital to hurry up with his tests so the physical problems can be sorted! I’m so pleased it all fell into place for you when your little one was born. Thanks again

Our first baby was planned and I felt like this too, you're not alone. I was speaking about this the other day. For some people it kicks in at scans, or when the baby kicks. I never really got it all the way through to be honest. There were still times when I worried if something felt off but I didn't have any real attachment until the baby arrived.
There's a romanticised idea of pregnancy and childbirth, that feeling of being filled with overwhelming love the instant you hold your baby. Truth be told I had a bad labour & was useless. The midwives looked after my baby although they weren't technically allowed to. I was too ill. That attachment didn't kick in until I was physically able to process anything.

I can relate to this OP, pregnancy is overwhelming and I think I was almost scared to let myself get excited early on! I didn't actually give it too much thought at all in the early weeks after finding out. It definitely started to feel more real once I saw the baby on the monitor but when it really clicked for me was around 16 weeks when I started telling people! Once it became a topic of conversation and other people were really excited for me it became very real!

Hey OP! Also 12 weeks this week with our first. Also a planned baby. And also feeling very similar to you! I thought I'd be far more excited.. but I'm just not and often wonder if I've made the right choice.. am I really ready etc etc etc I was getting really worried that everyone else around me appeared more excited than I did.. but I've been told its all fairly normal! It's such a big thing to be dealing with and I think in scared and that dulls down my excitement a little bit too. DP feels quite the same thankfully and that's been reassuring.

Congrats on your baby! :D it will all be okay in the end I'm sure xx

I think it can be harder for men to sort of get enthusiastic about pregnancies, understandably as they don't feel all the body changes etc. You probably don't have a bump yet, but hopefully once you're showing, and then later once he can feel movements with his hand it will start to seem more real and exciting to him. It's good seeing the baby wiggling at the 12 week scan, but even if he feels unable to go maybe seeing scan pictures will help him feel more attached?
It must be magnified by his depression too. It's great that he's getting help with it. I hope you both get things back on track soon and can go on to enjoy the later stages of pregnancy together :)

Thank you all so so much! I actually feel relieved. So kind, and it’s really made a difference @FeistySheep @Peach01 @Taenia @User65412 @shivawn

I'm so glad you started this thread, I'm 22 weeks with our very much loved wanted and planned baby, we had expected to struggle to conceive due to partners medical history but fell pregnant first month, I've had really up and down moments and feel so horribly ungrateful for the healthy baby growing inside me.

I'm terrified that this is basically the end of of my life and I'll never have any freedom again, I love the relationship with my partner and feel like it will be irretrievably changed/broken when baby is here. I do have moments of happiness and excitement and I'm enjoying making a cure nursery but often I just feel worried or scared. It's not at all how I thought it would be I thought I would be thrilled to be pregnant.

Too chicken to tell the midwife as I'm worried I'll get a black mark against my name before baby is even here

@nellly Part of me thinks about the relationship changing too which is another thing to worry about. Anxiety and misplaced guilt is a killer. Remember you are absolutely not alone in feeling this way, I now know that. It is life changing yes, but not in a way to completely change who you and your partner are together. I’ve heard many times you may not have the connection until after the baby is born and that’s ok. It will happen. Also any decent midwife would completely reassure you so I’ve read! If not, get rid I should take my own advice!!!!!! Never feel guilty for these feelings

It's nice to know we're not alone with our feelings, as evidenced by this thread! My sister is going through horrible infertility and suffered a miscarriage last year and I just feel so guilty that I'm not more happy, hope I feel better once baby is here. Dh struggles to understand because he's just so excited and happy to be a dad

Yes definitely not alone @nellly I’m so sorry about your Sister and completely understand why you would feel guilty but I’m sure she wouldn’t want that and you’re ultimately not responsible for her wellbeing, your entitled to have the thoughts you’re having.

I had my first scan yesterday. Mum came as partner unwell. It was strange but nice and I’m sure it jumped on screen! Didn’t get that flutter of excitement yet but I’m sure it will come as everyone has said, no matter how far into the process. Shocked that each picture is £5! Partner did say it has big feet like me and asked if we knew what it was yet so it shows interest at least