Six year age gap - positive experiences

[Birchwoods]

I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant with no.2 after four miscarriages. My DD will be six when the baby arrives, but we obviously didn't plan an age gap this big. This baby is obviously very wanted, but I'm also really worried about going back to the newborn days and the impact it'll have on our DD, not being able to do as much as we can now, like family bike rides etc. And also finding stuff that they will both want to do when the baby is a bit older.

Please can you tell me your positive experiences of similar age gaps so it feels a bit less daunting? I keep worrying that we've done the wrong thing and that we've missed the boat in terms of the benefits of having a sibling.

Our eldest 2 have a 5 year age gap, 2 losses between them. Finding things to do is not too bad when they are young but gets harder as they get older. We have 5 of them now and another due Aug (twins will be 6 when baby comes), the eldest is 15 and complains about why she has to do trips out with us at all (they're a real delight at this age lol). Outdoor stuff is often suitable for all ages, they've all enjoyed things like the space centre too. Ours have to go like it or not though , even kids of similar ages can not enjoy the same things so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

6.5 year age gap between our two DDs. It wasn't too bad to start with as elder one wanted to help, but things became trickier as they got older. A 15/16 year old girl doesn't really enjoy hanging out with a 9 year old. Holidays were difficult, finding things they both wanted to do. Having said that, they're adults now and have a wonderful relationship, so you definitely haven't missed out on the benefits of having a sibling, you just may have to wait a while for the benefits to become apparent!

Hi, congrats in your pregnancy! I've got a ten year old and a nearly 3 year old. And my brother is 6 years older than me.

It will be great while your older child is a pre-teen, then it gets a bit harder to satisfy everyone. Speaking as the younger sibling, you get taken to things that are above your age expectations quite a lot. And I expect my brother would say the reverse is true! My brother stopped coming on family holidays in his late teens and I didn't enjoy his adolescence, we weren't close at that stage. Frankly I don't think he would have gone on holiday with my parents either so I don't think he or they missed out. After uni he moved back home for several years and it was great, we got on brilliantly once he was over 21, share a sense of humour and have common interests.

Just regarding family bike rides: I got a second hand Hamax bike seat off eBay locally for the back of my bike. My baby was riding in it from 6 months and absolutely loves it. Once you start looking things are not as hard as you think.

I absolutely love the age gap between my kids - they both get lots of attention in different ways, and yet they both love to play together. It's really adorable to see the toddler trying to copy his big sister, and he loves her so, so much. Meanwhile she has been better than I expected - there has been almost no jealousy at all, partly because baby goes to bed then there is still time for 1:1 before her own bedtime, and partly because she has school, her own friendships and interests etc so she is less reliant on parental input to be entertained.

In short, there are pros and cons but I don't for a second regret having a second child.

Ask me again though, when I've been dealing with teenagers for 10 straight years and I might answer differently....

Following for interest, I will have a 7 year age gap between mine.

Thank you for your comments. The thought of my DD not wanting to come on family holidays when she's older makes me sad, but hopefully she will adore being a big sister and any difficulties will be well worth it.
Thanks for the recommendations about the bike seat @RainingZen

@Birchwoods I am the eldest (7 years gap between us) and my mam always said that she found very easy taking care of a new born while I was already more independent. I never refused to go on holidays or doing activities more for children. Even when I was a teenager we still played together (not as often as we used to for obvious reasons XD).

My sister is 6 years and 8 months younger than me. I loved it. We had a wonderful relationship (sometimes strained, as any relationships between siblings will be!) and now we're adults, it's been so helpful for her to have someone older to help her with stuff she might not want to go to our mother about, and for me, I am so beaming with love and pride at this wonderful, fun adult who I used to be so protective over. It might be a larger age gap than you want but it also absolutely can work. My partner's siblings are about 5-6 years (on each side) and my older sister is 7 years older than me. We're both close to all of our siblings.

Youngest ds was 6 weeks off 6 when ds was born. Now 12 and 6 and still the best of mates... They happily shared a room until a few months ago..
Dd's were 8 and 9 and still adore the youngest..

Mine have a 5.5 year gap and so far (youngest is 3) it’s been wonderful. DC1 was independent enough to not need constant supervision. I could trust her not to hurt the baby and she was also really helpful. She can take her to the toilet now which is brill!

Older DC is the only one of her friends with a much smaller sibling and her friends love it. She felt like a celeb when younger DC was born and her friends made a real fuss.

I had 2 lots of 121 mat leaves.

I didn’t have 2 lots of nursery fees at once (biggest plus in early years!)

The biggest issue is doing stuff they both want to do and juggling activities. Many places have special toddler sessions (I’m talking about you local trampoline parks!) where you can’t take older kids so DH and I do stuff independently with them frequently. They both like that though.

I’d imagine it will get trickier but I’m glad it’s worked out this way.

I don’t have any direct experience, but I remember reading that there’s quite a lot of research suggesting larger age gaps are good for children!

My son is 5 and I'm currently 5 weeks pregnant, I've never really thought about the gap tbh

My son is going to be nearly 12 when he meets his brother! He is excited to be helping with him and hopefully, that will last!:)

Hi op. I have a 12 year and a 6 year old. Currently pregnant with my 3rd. Between my first 2 there is a 6 year gap. Then between my youngest and baby there will be 7 year gap... don't worry you will be fine.

Mine are 9 and 3 and so far I’m loving it!

Having maternity leave with the big one in school was lovely for all 3 of us - lots of time with just the baby, and DC1 benefiting from me being off and him not needing wraparound/holiday childcare etc.

DC1 understood the impact of getting a sibling, which was hard, but meant that he and I had done a lot of work adjusting to that during pregnancy and when the baby arrived it was easier to embrace the lovely bits.

I felt so much more able to cope with the physically tough business of broken nights after a few years in between.

They need different things from me, which sometimes makes finding common ground all together trickier, but also means I don’t feel I’m constantly short changing one or the other (not as much as I think I would with children closer in age needing similar things, anyway).

They actually play together really nicely so far - lots of mutual adoration and DC2 has no difficulty standing up for herself! I know I’m only a few years in and I’m sure at some point DC1 will start to outgrow DC2 a bit but for now, actually it gives him licence to be a bit less grownup, DC2 is desperate to join in with his big kid stuff, and they just sort of meet in the middle.

If I compare to the 10 year gap with my own sister, I think it looks like a really nice easy age gap and not too big at all.

I’m pg with no 4. My eldest is nearly 13!

I also have an 11yo and a 2.5yo. It’s actually really lovely having a bigger gap. They can get much more involved but are old enough to have their own space ie reading a book, doing some colouring. In terms of doing things age related, you can still everything with the older one, just have the baby in a carrier or pushchair x

Thank you everyone for such lovely and reassuring comments. It will certainly be an adjustment for everyone but hopefully for the better.