When do people tell their boss?

[Sleeplessem]

Hi,

So this is my second pregnancy and I’m actually quite scared to tell my boss.

My first pregnancy I thought, yeah I’ll be super honest and upfront so if I’m feeling unwell or have appointments my manager will understand right? Wrong. I told him at 8 weeks and the first words out of his mouth were ‘well, are you keeping it’. I was floored and gave some bumbling answer about how I have pcos and never thought I could have kids. From that moment, he went out of his way to make my life difficult for me, no work place risk assessment, when one was done I wasn’t allowed to use the mobility desks, pressured to tell colleagues, made to walk 3 miles as part of team day and when I said I couldn’t, I was told I had a bad attitude, he made up rumours about me, gave me a shit rating and stated on numerous occasions my job was in jeopardy. I developed really really bad anxiety, which seemed to trigger him more. All in all it was a shit show and I started to have severe complications, likely related to anxiety. I never reported him, it was my word v his.

Fast forward 2 years. New job, new boss, same company and I have NO idea how to tell my boss. I know you don’t have to until 25 weeks but even then, I’m shitting It. My boss now seems lovely but I’m still quite scared!

Advise please

I understand you are scared after your previous experience. Your ex boss sounds like a terrible human being; good that you find a new job and boss!
I am in the similar situation, I probably gonna have to tell soon as I have constant nausea all day. I think if you can work with the same speed, there is no need to say anything until you really start to show.

I’m working from home, so technically I may never start to show LOL. I’m about 13/14 weeks yet still have the lovely nausea.

Thing is, my old manager seemed like my best pal until he wasn’t. Although he had a history of victimising female employees and asked me in my interview if I was having kids soon ... should have seen that red flag.

It’s everything, telling him, telling team mates. I think my previous experience makes me think I’d be judged. Ive been in the role for about 8/9 months. Feels soon, baby was a bit of a surprise (to say the least) xx

I told my female boss at 3 weeks as I was so excited alsoy role is heavily manual handling based she was over the moon, has supported me throughout I'm 22 weeks now and she's still the same everything is exactly as it should be

Your old boss sounds like a c u next Tuesday 🙄 typical really. I'm glad you have a new boss.you mentioned your working from home so really you have no need to tell work until your good and ready or until you can't keep the pace of your role if that were to happen. 25 weeks is when your supposed to isn't it? Unless you get called back to the iffice/ workplace I'd play it by ear.

Good luck 💐

My first I told my boss (and nobody else in the office knew) after my scan at 13 weeks.

My second I had an early scan which happened to fall on a work day so I told my boss then.

Your old boss sounds delightful :-/

I was in the exact situation (although my anxiety was coming from the fact that I am still relatively new - only been there a few months), but I bit the bullet today and told him, so glad I did - it is actually a weight off my shoulders and he was really kind/supportive

Like a plaster - once it is done you will feel so relieved!

Good luck! x

I think there’s talk about being back in the office in September and then it’s going to be on an ‘if you want to’ basis. So I could put it off realistically. In my head it feels a bit dishonest? But I’m a chronic overthinker lol

@Sleeplessem You'd hope most bosses would appreciate being told a bit earlier than the requirement by law? I'm likely going to tell mines sometimes between 12-20 weeks depending on how I'm feeling and whether they suddenly push for me to go back into the office. I'm only just reaching 9 weeks now and also still working from home so easy to keep it secret. My boss is likely to be an ass like your old boss! He's not a nice guy but I'm planning to job hunt during maternity leave so I don't have to go back. I hope your new boss is much nicer!

@2020mission I hope your boss isn’t an ass to you! Hopefully you’ll be in a position to stand up for yourself. The law on these things is so ambiguous and although a woman can’t be sacked for getting pregnant, it’s not like a manager would actually put that as the reason on the dismissal.

I told mine at 16 or 17 weeks which is quite late in my line of work, I was never worried about telling them but I just wanted to keep it to myself for a while. As it happened they put me straight on full paid leave due to working in a high risk environment so I'm glad I didn't tell them any sooner because I was happy working!

I'm going to wait until I have the early scan done to confirm heartbeat, as after that the risk of miscarriage drops enough. I think I'd like as much notice as possible, and it also is just "ripping off the band-aid" so to speak. Get it out of the way so it's one less thing for me to worry about. So yeah I'm going for end of first trimester, but thinking about sooner if the morning sickness doesn't ease because it's VERY hard to hide!

I'm a little worried about this! I will have to tell sooner, as I work with chemicals and anaesthetic gases. It is going to be so obvious to all my colleagues though, that I'm no longer working with certain things! More worried about potential harm though than colleagues finding out when I'm so early. I'm on annual leave right now but when i go back I'll only be 4 weeks, and think I'm going to day straight away to my boss.. not taking any risks.

Say* not day

Sorry your old boss was so awful, I had a similar experience basically being bullied out of my job after sharing I'd had a miscarriage. So I was terrified to tell this time but I was so glad when I did as my new boss is so kind and supportive. Thankfully while asshole bosses exist most people are good and kind so hopefully your new boss is supportive of you. I told at 11 weeks because they were making plans for a big project for 2022 and I just wanted to give a heads up that I wouldn't be around!

Good luck ☺️

@spacegirl123 I’m so sorry to hear that! Congratulations on your rainbow

My job largely requires me sitting on my ass all day so there’s no safety in it really. I never even met my boss f2f, so I just feel it will be so awk saying it on zoom!

Your old boss is an asshole and on a side point it's illegal to ask an employee if there planning to have children soon and opens the company up to a discrimination lawsuit.
I told my boss at 4 weeks as soon as I found out due to health and safety concerns at my work place. She was really supportive throughout my pregnancy.
I'm afraid no one can predict how your new line manager will react but I would say continue to work from home and then at least most communications would be over email so it would mean you have a paper trail if your new boss was a dick as well.

@Trinacham

I'm a little worried about this! I will have to tell sooner, as I work with chemicals and anaesthetic gases. It is going to be so obvious to all my colleagues though, that I'm no longer working with certain things! More worried about potential harm though than colleagues finding out when I'm so early. I'm on annual leave right now but when i go back I'll only be 4 weeks, and think I'm going to day straight away to my boss.. not taking any risks.

This was me and it became an open secret very fast. I was back in the lab 2 days when one if my colleagues turned on an anesthesia machine while I was in the room. I left immediately but had to leave what I was doing so it was obvious. At that point the worry about the child outstripped any secrecy and I had to tell anyone who worked with that equipment not to use it in my presence. But I like my colleagues and they were all lovely about it and followed my lead in terms of talking about it.

@Aimee1987 oh yeah it was definitely illegal, he was sneaky too. He waited until the other interviewer left the room to copy my papers, and he slipped it in after we were having a chit chat about my husbands love for football (they liked the same team). He asked me again on my first day too if I was planning on children soon.

I think I’ve let the anticipation build up in my head that I don’t know how to have the convo lol. My own worst enemy

I didn't tell my manager until 5 months as I knew they would panic and overwork me until the last minute (which did happen in the end). I told my colleagues at 6 months. I was able to do this as I used to wear flowy styles anyway and wasn't showing much.

@AIMummy I did the same too with colleagues around the office, I’m not a big announcement kind of person any way