Worried that I can’t do this/don’t want this

[capricorn22x]

Bit of a disclaimer here, I in no way shape or form mean to cause any offence here. This is just some thoughts and feelings I’ve been having lately. I cannot particularly air them out and I feel quite lonely which is why I’ve come here to air them out. Please do not attack me for my thoughts and feelings, if you take offence I am so sorry I don’t mean to cause any.

I am quite early in a pregnancy (under 12 weeks not too close to it) and it’s my first. I’m quite young (not a teenager but under 25) and I am well supported that’s not an issue. Me and my partner are secure and happy together and we both have lots of family.

However the past 2 weeks or so all I can think is how my life is going to be over and I’ll lose all my freedom. I keep thinking about how I’m still young and haven’t fully lived my life and about all of the things I should’ve done and how if I was older and pregnant I wouldn’t feel this way.

I’m scared I won’t be a good mother because right now my concerns are about me and how my life will change and never be the same. I’m not thinking along the lines of abortion as I think if I was certain about that I would’ve done it by now - but I do find myself wishing I wasn’t pregnant.

I’m also suffering with severe morning sickness which I assume is playing havoc with my head.

Did anyone else feel like this and then feel better? I’m so scared and I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t start feeling better

Bumping...

I felt those sorts of things in the first trimester in each of my pregnancies, along with extreme anxiety. Each was very much planned and I was early 30s and usually very laid back. Early pregnancy hormones really mess with mental health for some people I think! I think it all gets easier for most people by about 14 weeks. Good luck!

I felt like this during my first pregnancy, I was 23 and it was unplanned. I knew I wanted to continue the pregnancy but I felt terrified & isolated. I felt better from about the 2nd trimester onwards, maybe because I knew abortion wasn’t even an option any more? My DC1 will be 13 next week!

I feel like this and I’m 35 and planned it!
I think there is probably no such thing as the perfect moment in time. I’m sure we can probably all find something to fret about

These few messages have calmed me down a bit thank you!

It’s nice to know what I’m feeling is quite normal - really hope it passes asap as it’s filling me with guilth

I was 24, it was totally unplanned and I felt exactly the same. And I was SO ill all the time that I just thought it would be better if I went to sleep and didn't wake up.

I was so scared.

But my life wasn't over. It had changed, massively, but it was so much better. There were times when it was hard but I've never regretted a moment. It's just that fear of the unknown as you start your journey.

Hi I was also 24 like PP (am now 28).

To be completely honest yes your life does change a lot and what you can do is limited. I have low moments where I question if I'd be happier had I waited a few years ..

However that was never an option as it was also an unplanned pregnancy and when I look at my little boy (especially when he's happy) I know I could never regret having him, he brings us so much joy. A joy you will also know when your looking at your future little one.

In terms of your life, I don't know what you like to get up to but I used to love going out, a few raves, festivals etc. That's not easy to do with a kid but you should always make time for yourself and your partner. The nights out etc won't be half as frequent and there will be zero spontaneity but you'll still be able to have fun if you prioritize a bit of time for yourself every now and then, and it sounds like you have the support around you to enable that.

Another thing I never considered before I had my little one was all of the fun things you can do as a family. You have fun in different ways like going to the beach or to a funfair etc.

Sure there will be times where it's hard and you might feel sad about the things you can't do anymore but having kids doesn't mean everything stops and you'll have a second wind when your child is older, you'll still be young enough to enjoy everything you enjoy now if that makes sense?

Good luck + hope you start to feel better soon x

I think it’s normal at any age. I’m 35 and have thought what age I’ll be when I can go travelling again like I’ve done before. I’ve thought if only I’d had kids when I was in my early 20s then they’d be older and independent and I’d be getting some freedom back at a younger age.

So really at any age when you have kids you consider what it’ll do to your freedom etc.

Thank you everyone. I feel a bit less guilty knowing this is normal

It’s still awful though isn’t it! Everyone around me (we’ve told close family) is so excited but I just feel deflated and scared.