is this a weird request for childbirth

[FireWafer]

I struggle with sensory overload and have ADD. I have been watching some birth vlogs online (mostly American) and one thing that strikes me most is that there always seem to be about 10 people in the room when the baby is born and they all seem to be yelling over the top of one another, push, you can do this. Whilst the partner is saying encouraging things too.
In my head that is too much noise! Will I be able to ask that they don't do that? It probably sounds ridiculous but it sends me into a panic and would make me really anxious if I had 2 or 3 people yelling stuff at me. DP already knows what I am like and I know he will be understanding of this but I am worried the midwives will think I am weird. I just need 1 person talking to me at a time.

It’s not strange with DD3 (forget DD2 she was on the pavement!) I wanted to hypnobirth, I had one midwife sat in the room, my ex DH, both sat there quietly. I had my headphones in with my music on and they tapped me on the shoulder if they needed to tell me something.

She ended up stuck anyway but even then, just a Dr in the room to intervene if necessary, and one midwife calmly saying move here, go this way, push now. All still calm and we made it through with no intervention.

With DD1 who was in danger I found it all too much with Drs observers and others and I wish I’d done what I did with DD3 which was give clear instructions on calm upfront.

Yours is a good plan.

I've only had high risk c sections and even then the room had been fairly quiet, just the OR staff quietly giving each other info.
I was talking to my husband all the way through both births and first real noise was when my babies cried and then either checked and wrapped or taken to the nicu for care.
Shouting on TV is done for dramatic effect but in reality they don't shout as its an ineffective way of communicating with each other, even in emergencies they talk albeit quickly.

Not a weird request at all. I had loads doing just what you describe in my first birth and although there were only 3 second time round the pushing coaching really annoyed me and I don't have any sensory difficulties! Just say you don't want coached pushing and would prefer silence HOWEVER my advice is always not to get too tied up in your birth plan because these things rarely go to plan

There were only ever 2 midwives with me max. No one really spoke to me much at all while I was pushing with either of my babies Only necessary info and all quietly and calmly. No one shouted during my labours, not even me. My first birth was in a MLU overnight and it was dim lighting. Calm and very unstimulating. More people are only likely to be entering the room if things aren't going to plan and the situation is escalating. I never wrote a birth plan but I did speak to the midwifes each time about what I wanted and the were very good at reading me and what I needed.

Just so you are prepared - I was having some difficulty at the end of my labour and needed assistance - at that point there were two midwifes and two doctors (one for me and one ready to check baby.

It did feel like the room filled up but it was for about 5-10 mins and then it all calmed down. I did have people shouting at me to push but maybe you can ask that only one shouts?

For that 5/10 mins while my baby was being helped - it was a bit over welming but I literally closed my eyes and just followed the instructions. Much of this was so block out exactly what they were doing to help the baby out.

Now I have a very healthy happy child.

Again to reiterate - when my room filled up with these people - it was minutes. Once the baby was out safely and checked - most left.

Same for me, dh, one midwife for most of it plus another one is called in for the pushing and clean/stitching up!

The only time there was more than 1 midwife in the room when I gave birth (I’ve done it 3 times) was my first, because it had been a tricky, complicated pregnancy and I was induced early, there was a Doctor and a NICU team in the room (fortunately not needed) but honestly, I was off my tits on pethidine so didn’t care

I have very similar issues to you OP.

Your the one who's giving birth, you can request anything you want, and within reason the staff will try to facilitate it. In most briths there wouldn't be that many people in the room anyway, you, partner and 1 midwife for most of the time, possibly with constants or other staff checking in intermittently, who will be happy to keep things quiet if that is what you need.

However if there needed to be 10 people in the room, they're there for a reason, which can't be avoided. Eg. My DS was an EMCS, so there were midwife, anesthetist, Surgeon, surgery nurses, pediatrician to check DS etc. They all new what they were doing, so in a way it was calm, but definitely a lot going on.

Might be worth having a think about what might help if there does need to be that many people, and letting your midwife know at that start what they can do to make you more comfortable. Could be things like having certain music on that you can focus on, having ear defenders avaliable if you want them, asking for non urgent conversations between HCP to be outside / other side of the room. They'll do their best, though may not be able to follow every request if there's a medical need that takes priority.

I just had 2 midwives and my partner with me. Not shouting but loud encouragement to push - I would strongly recommend downloading the birth plan template from the NHS (just Google it will come up) and put down that you're sensitive to too much noise/shouting. My midwife read it when I got to the birthing room and stuck to it (thankfully no complications). You can also ask your birth partner to speak with the midwife when the time comes too. It's not an odd request at all, whatever keeps you calm!

You can definitely write this on your birth plan and/or ask DP to advocate for you. I had 2 midwives, a student and DH in the room when I gave birth - as it was a precipitous labour (very very fast) it was all happening at such speed and with a lot of urgency and at one point near the end I felt really overwhelmed by all four of those present coaching/ encouraging me (not shouting) so I asked them to stop & they did - just the lead midwife talked to me very calmly & it really helped me get back in a calmer breathing pattern.

Very unlikely as people have said. I had a doula for number 1 and she really helped me with things like putting a dark blanket over my head and music in my ears to block out external noise. I had tens on and very much in my own zone right up until transition. I found that extremely helpful to manage labour.

You can definitely put that on your birth plan and really emphasise calm and quiet. Fwiw, at both my births nobody told me to push or anything, there was only one midwife and a student (who I could have said no to having there) and I don't remember the student saying much. It was quite dimly lit and calm and the midwives try not to be too intrusive.

1 midwife and 1 student midwife and DP, the occasional doctor/consultant/anaesthesiologist for the epi

It wasn’t chaos, the emergency trip to theatre was a bit chaotic and shouty but everyone knew their jobs. The non emergency trip to theatre was much calmer and everyone was talking rather than shouting.

I suppose it was an emergency at one point so shouting meant everything was understood first time. No time for repeats.

I get it. In the middle of my second birth, mid pushing, my husband had to scream at me to get my attention- baby was prem, the situation was risky and we had at least 7 people in the room with us, all talking, prepping incubator, directing me etc and it was so much noise that I couldn't focus on anything. He saw that and brought me back. I'd say, tell your midwife beforehand and make sure your partner can advocate for you and really strongly ask for quiet if he sees you need it.

You would only have a lot of people if there was a complication with either you or baby. For a straightforward delivery, it's usual to just have one midwife and sometimes another arrive at the last minute as the baby is being born. Very calm!

If baby has a known problem - such as being premature or has had some signs of distress during labour - a paediatrician or two may be present to provide assistance to the baby as soon as it's born.

If you need extra help (such as ventouse or forceps) a doctor will attend alongside the midwife to perform the procedure.

In all of the above cases, students may be asked to observe but you are perfectly entitled to decline.

First time around, I had DH, a midwife and a student midwife in the room with me.

Second time around, I had DH, DSis (she drove us to hospital and it all happened very quickly once we got there!) and a MW there. Very calm and quiet - it was a waterbirth and she used a mirror on a stick to check progress 😁

As PPs said, it generally only gets noisy when something urgent is happening. I had a massive obstetric bleed after DD2 was born and when that happened I very quickly had 2 MWs, a junior dr, a consultant, an anaesthetist and a student in the room (as well as DH, DSis and the new baby!). And I didn't care.

I would even suggest that ‘one born every minute’ isn’t a good representation of childbirth because it seems like many of these births have interventions (induced or planned c sections). 3 people in the room for both my births-DH, Midwife and a student. The unit sister may have popped in directly post birth but I honestly can’t remember. Didn’t have the ‘push push’ stuff, I think more common with epidural and the mother can’t feel contractions? Certainly a normal birth environment is generally a lot, lot calmer and quieter than the stuff they have on tv. If you are in a midwife unit you will be able to close curtains, dim lights, have your own music, bring your own scents/aromatherapy. I birthed also in a labour unit (midwife unit was full) where there weren’t curtains and lights were either on/off (couldn’t be off at night) but it was still a calm environment

I only had my late Husband with me, and he delivered our daughter. and for my Son, just a midwife and doctor,as my Husband was playing tennis, !

It makes me laugh, when those birthing programmes are on TV, when the whole family troop in, partner, mother,someones sister, and a granny etc, and they are all either on phones, or eating crisps or whatever., and the mother to be, maybe bouncing around on a ball.

It would make a good comedy SIT-COM series.

This is actually a very common request. What you are asking for is 'no coached pushing'.

As everyone else has said, in the UK the usual is one or two midwives at the pushing part. You'll only have a doctor if there's something wrong. If your in theatre (for a forceps birth for example) you'll have more people but they won't be yelling at you!

I had 10 medical staff in the room when things started to go downhill but they were all very calm and sensible. You could hear a pin drop because they were all concentrating on their jobs.

Unless you’re in theatre of expecting multiples for me it was midwife plus optional birthing partner and then a second midwife at the last minute in case you or the baby need more hands on help.

Thank you for all these replies they have made me feel a lot better.

I don't mind loud talking etc if there is a medical necessity etc but I was just overwhelmed by the amount of voices in some of the vlogs I watched for what were very straight forward deliveries and I just thought that is NOT what I want. I won't watch any more

I had a really awful birth many years ago when I had my son, felt like I got pushed into things like having my waters broken for me, they gave me an episiotomy which I didn't fully understand, I ended up tearing really badly and having surgery straight afterwards, being separated from my baby and had a very long and drawn out recovery afterwards. The follow up was horrible too, I was very young and I think they just expected me to understand everything. It was all incredibly intrusive, especially having a male dr inspect the stitches in my bum without much explanation or warning. I left the appointment and got back to my car and sobbed. I wasn't offered any physio after the awful tear which has effected my body as a result. all in all I just don't want a repeat of that.

I am going to write it all down and then nearer the time I can make a proper birth plan with DP. I am under a consultant so I think that means I am high risk (I have some underlying health conditions) so I will ask when I see my consultant if that is likely to impact on the birth/how many people I have in the room.

I feel a lot more confident in saying what I want now and knowing it isn't a weird request. I like the descriptions people have said about dim lights etc. I just want it to be as calm as possible and to feel like I have some control. DP has already started making me a play list of songs he knows will keep me calm/make me happy.

You absolutely can put that in your birthing plan. As I started pushing, the midwife asked if a student could come and watch. At the time, I couldn't have given a fig who came in... she tried to introduce herself to me and I remember saying "I can't concentrate on names right now, but hi. I'm a bit busy." facepalm
But they always ask permission for people to watch - and the only other people in would be necessary. My labour was very peaceful - not like the TV!

Not wierd at all. For 2 of my births I spent active labour with just me & my midwife. We had the lights low & we went between the warm shower & then her wrapping me in a warm towel to help with the pain. It was so calm & relaxed. She called another midwife in when I started to push (5 minutes max both times). Good luck & don't ever be afraid to advocate for yourself.

I had a traumatic first birth and was consultant led for the second but I still only had the 2 midwives in when I gave birth this second time.

Please talk about these feelings with your consultant. I was lucky to have a wonderful consultant this time and we spent a lot of time talking about my first birth and how we could make this one less traumatic. Part of this was writing a really good honest birth plan and I also did hypnobirthing which helped keep me calm in the early stages.