To not talk or see sil after this or I am I just overreacting

[Michellelovesizzy]

So I am 34 weeks preg and have OC really bad been going in and out of hospital for the last few weeks and it's really freighting so worried about my baby and all family members no how worried I and my partner our. My sister in law came round Saturday told me I was huge she said 3 times start pulling at my bump. I no shouldn't allow it bother me I think it was the word huge and the way she looked at me like I was some sort of freak show. Then Sunday mornin come and she phones me to say the same thing. It's mad me feels so down.... I am unreadable to just not c this person and avoid further upset x

Poor love, she sounds like an idiot. Definitely put some distance between you for your mental health xx

Op you don't have to see anyone you don't want to. But everyone has something to say about a baby bump ime. Maybe she is jealous, maybe she just isn't nice. Only you know... Keep your distance. And don't be bullied into having her around if she makes you so stressed...
Hope your baby is fine...

@Aprilwasverywet

Op you don't have to see anyone you don't want to. But everyone has something to say about a baby bump ime. Maybe she is jealous, maybe she just isn't nice. Only you know... Keep your distance. And don't be bullied into having her around if she makes you so stressed... Hope your baby is fine...

^ agree with this. She may not have meant it to be unkind, but only you know. Hope all goes well

Yes it is because I feel it's coming from an unkind place.... obviously she isn't the first to mention my bump I am pregnant and have a big bump lol. It's the way it was said and the words ur huge. I have been really ill 2 and worried I think I am just a bit all over the place myself. Thank you all for ur comments

Hmm, you from what you've said here, you sound very sensitive to me. If I had a big bump and someone told me I was huge then I'd probably laugh and agree. To me it wouldn't merit never seeing or talking to family again.

Surely the golden rule of kindness is you never comment on a pregnant woman's size, ever, big, small, can hardly tell you're pregnant etc

Just don't. I think it is rude and if I was in the room with someone who did it I would have said something to them. And no you do not have to see her. You have enough to worry about with the OC without her adding to your worries about whether others deem your bump too big. Is she a trained midwife? No. Your Dh/partner needs to tell her to shut the fuck up. The fact that she phoned you to reiterate any perceived largeness of your bump just shows she is awful so don't answer her calls.

I hope all goes well with the rest of your pregnancy.

Be careful not to do something you might regret later. Late pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster. I’d personally get some distance from her for now ... avoid her for now but think carefully about cutting ties. Also ignore her when you can and don’t take it to heart. People do comment upon your size when pregnant. I am 40+5 currently and some of m6 family have been very unkind suggesting I need to go in a diet. I want to say “hello, I am 9 months pregnant!” It’s not worth the hassle and I’m keeping slave from them and nit letting their comments get to them. Soon I (and you) will have our lovely babies in our arms. Our size can sort itself out later ... we will be all loved up with our little ones and ultimately nothing else matters.

So many predictive text fails! Should say: I am keeping away from them and not letting their unkind comments get to me.
Give yourself space op.

If I had a big bump and someone told me I was huge then I'd probably laugh and agree. To me it wouldn't merit never seeing or talking to family again.

That. It's just something that people do/say! It's not a criticism and it's not said to make you feel bad. It's light hearted.

I get that you're very stressed at the moment, but falling out with her over this isn't going to make things any better. It will just make them worse. Laugh it off if you can, and if you can't just remind yourself that your hormones are sending your head off in all directions.

I would also just laugh at her. If she's just being silly, that's an appropriate response. If she's trying to be unkind, laughing at her will put her in place!
If this doesn't feel like enough of a reaction, you could just say to her, 'That's not a nice thing to say!' or similar. If she's just silly/thoughtless she'll stop commenting. But if she says it again just avoid her.
I wouldn't fall out with any family (especially in-laws!) except over something really catastrophic. With stuff like this I'd just distance myself from the person causing the problem. Just make excuses why you can't see her. If she calls, don't answer, and maybe text the next day saying 'sorry, really busy atm' or whatever. Just keep putting her off.

aww thanks for all ur replies.... it's true I am
Very sensitive at the moment x

Tbh she makes nasty comments to me all the time and usually I do just laugh them off but I am just so ill I don't think I have it in me to laugh it off. I am gonna avoid her and decided after I have my baby and can think clear x

I used to love it when people commented on how big I was! You’re growing a baby, it’s a good thing. I would smile and say thank you. If she’s generally nasty I get why you would be sensitive though.

I normally do people say stuff all the time and it's nice ... it's just the way she said it made me feel like a freak and she didn't call me when I was in hospital to c if I was ok but did call to tell me I am huge lol x

Well, stop laughing them off. Look pityingly at her and explain, very slowly and carefully, as if she's a confused six year old, that this is how pregnancy works -- the baby groooows inside the mummy's tummy, and then is born.

In the nicest way I do think you are being sensitive. A lot of people seem to take offence to people saying they're huge but I honestly think the vast majority of the time what people mean is "the baby is really big now, that means it's coming soon, isn't that exciting for you". It isn't meant to be a negative comment about your size. By all means tell her you don't like the comment but I wouldn't fall out with someone over this.

Yeah that's not what she meant

I do except that I am sensitive at the moment thou and will wait be4 I make any decisions

Have you told her this is upsetting you? She sounds annoying and rude yes - but I don’t think that’s a reason to completely stop talking to someone.

Well only you know her character and what she said but I certainly think that's what people usually mean.

I get where you're coming from OP. My SIL also really upset me during my pregnancy. Like you I had a huge bump and she constantly said things like she'd never seem anyone with a bump as big as mine and if the doctors had maybe missed a baby and maybe I was pregnant with twins because apparentlyit made no sense as to why I was so big with one baby. I did laugh those comments off but when I was 8 months along I attended a wedding and my SIL was also there and she said something like "that dress makes your belly look massive" while looking shocked. I ended up going to the toilet to cry. I don't think my SIL meant anything nasty by it and I don't think your SIL is being nasty either, people just like to comment on growing bumps. As PP said your hormones make you super sensitive during pregnancy. My SIL had also never been pregnant so I think she was also a bit clueless as to what she was saying and how it might upset me.

Its just the way she is and her cutting comments have been mentioned by others in the past. Most people mean well and just want to make a fuss of u when they mention ur bump I no that. This isn't how she meant it. I do just think it mite be a step to far to make a sick pregnant woman feel like shit. If i thought she meant it in a kind way I wouldn't dream of cutting her off x

She's rude and inconsiderate.
Send her this and tell her to mind her business in future...
I'm 32 weeks with my 3rd baby and keep getting asked am I sure there's only one
I respond bluntly with, Yes I'm sure, the many checks and scans and extra monitoring and the fact I'm in my 3rd high risk pregnancy under a consultant makes me sure, thanks.
Usually shuts them up

Who would be pregnant sorry to hear ur high risk again. How can people think it's appropriate to say r u sure there is only one. Wft

I think waiting until baby is here is for the best, pregnancy does crazy things to your brain.
Although I do think she was being rude. Just don't talk about the size of people's bumps.
I my last pregnancy was high risk due to previous severe pre eclampsia and a very tiny prem baby and people were always commenting on the size of my bump, saying it was tiny. My baby wasn't growing properly again and was born at 36 weeks.
It's annoying but not worth falling out with people for. I'm just glad that very few people know when I was having both my sections - saved a lot of comments