Anxiety - 17 weeks - IVF - probably being stupid

[Folklore9074]

17 weeks with my first IVF pregnancy.

In my area we don't get check ups at 16 weeks and I keep worrying that something is wrong or if everything is normal? Like, is my bump big enough, is that pulling sensation normal, is the baby growing, should I be feeling movement yet? At my 12 week they said everything is fine but a lot could happen between then and the 20 scan.

Going through IVF was pretty stressful and it seems incredible that I'm actually pregnant after over 2 years of ttc and treatment. I think that experience, and how precious this pregnancy is for us, is playing into my anxiety. At the same time after the struggle to get to this point, I really want to just enjoy being pregnant.

I've not met my midwife yet or had anyone professional I can really speak to about what is normal or not. Just quick check up's for bloods and urine which I've not heard back from. I have heard that they say don't worry if you are not having cramps or bleeding - which I'm not - but still feel anxious.

Does anyone else feel like this? Any tips for managing anxiety?

Hugs op. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm 22+5 and my story is similar. We were ttc for two years before we fell pregnant naturally after a failed IVF cycle - it certainly heightens your anxiety as there has been a lot of heartache to get here. I think what you're feeling is 'normal' and I feel the same. I have never been pregnant so have no clue what is normal. I have relaxed a bit now I've had the 20 week scan and I can feel baby move. However I do find once a worry is eased it's soon replaced by another one. I'd encourage you to seek help from MH services if it is an an issue. I am keeping myself busy, taking it one day at a time and breaking the pregnancy down into mini milestones - it feels less overwhelming. You're absolutely not alone x

Thanks for the reply @Rosieposy89

I think you are right about one worry being replaced by another. I was a bag of nerves before the 12 week scan then relaxed massively after that. Similarly with the 7 week viability scan at the IVF clinic. I think with the next scan on a horizon similar fears are beginning to come to the fore again. Keep telling myself there is higher likelihood of everything being fine than there being an issue.

You are right about the 'one day at a time' approach and keeping busy as well. Great to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this! xx

@Folklore9074 - I think you're right, my anxiety before the 20 week scan in the few weeks beforehand was horrendous. However the conditions they check for are very rare so the odds are very much in your favour. I hope all goes well and baby will be here before you know it. The weeks are flying now I'm over half way. Xx

Hi OP am currently 39 weeks with IVF pregnancy.

You are now entering what I called the scanxiety phase. I was like this until well into the scan when everything was fine. It’s a horrible wait but best advice keep busy. Meet friends or family for a coffee just do something.

I have found that after 24 weeks I started to relax a bit.

When do you think you will see your midwife? Where I am I am lucky that I have seen midwife all way along from 8 weeks. That has made a difference I feel but don’t be afraid to ring your midwife and talk to her ( or him) about how you’re feeling. That’s what they are there for.

I have also had a few growth scans which was really helpful - baby was fine but decided to have a growth spurt ands slow down so made my chart a mess.

For me at moment I am feeling more anxious than I did because some nhs trusts will induce/ offer a cesarian if you go over. Mine doesn’t and if your consultant says it’s ok they sign you off and you are a ‘normal’ pregnancy and classed as low risk.

What I’m trying to say I think is that there are always anxious moments but it’s looking at how to deal with them and ask for help when totally overwhelmed.

OP, this was definitely me.
I stressed the whole way through my pregnancy on and off.

If it makes you feel any better my ivf pair are now full on tweens but I don't think I've ever had a more stressful 9 months than waiting for them to appear.

Gentle exercise in the fresh air helped me stay a bit calmer.

I've not had IVF but I am 16 weeks with my first after 2 late first trimester losses last year. I am having therapy which has really helped me and I would recommend if you can access any.

Some things I have learned doing therapy that have really helped are:

1. Accepting the anxiety - of course you're nervous! Regardless of what you've been through, all women are nervous during pregnancy and this is heightened when you've had a trauma. By accepting it, it almost lessens its impact

1. Spend time doing small meditations/mindfulness - I would recommend the headspace app. This helps you remain present and be in the now rather than thinking about the future. This can also help you focus on your body and notice those early twitches and flutters of baby moving which will be reassuring for you

1. Writing down your worries and concerns gets it out of your head. You could start a worry journal on your phone or in a notebook, whatever works for you

1. Try to focus on all the evidence you have that is saying everything is going well. Firstly, the midwives and doctors don't think you're having an abnormal pregnancy which is why they're not seeing you all the time. You've had no bleeding, your belly is growing. You have no evidence to say anything is wrong. Focus on the evidence that everything is okay.

I really hope some of these things help you, pleaze be assured you are not alone.

This is all such good advice. Thanks so much for replying!

I'm not actually sure when I'll see my midwife but I have an antenatal appointment in two weeks time, before the 20 week scan. I also have the number for the midwife team and when I've called before to query something they were quick to respond and pretty helpful. I might give them a call next week with a couple of questions I have around my care.

It's funny because during IVF I was doing all the meditation/mindfulness stuff. But then when it worked it was like 'well don't need to do that anymore!' And perhaps unsurprisingly the old anxiety has just crept back up on me. Maybe a bit more swimming and gentle exercise as well as the meditation would be a good habit to get back into.

Oh bless you, please try not to get to anxious! I think mindfulness and meditation will really help you and your baby. Sending you Covid secure hugs and good wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy and a pain-free labour [wink}