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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

If pregnant after miscarriage when did you start to relax please?

24 replies

4Minions2CallMyOwn · 14/05/2021 17:08

I’ve had 2 miscarriages since August last year and am now 12 weeks pregnant. I have my 12 week scan in a few days and am wondering if I will feel reassured after that or does the worry tend to last the whole pregnancy?

If you had a loss/losses and then subsequent pregnancy when did you start to think you would have a healthy baby at the end of it? Did you worry and stress the whole pregnancy? I’m worried I will... Thank you

OP posts:

whitershadeofpale · 14/05/2021 17:25

I had 2 losses before my current pregnancy. I did feel much better after my 12 week scan. I’m 17 weeks now and heard the heartbeat last week which helped again. I don’t think about something going wrong most days now (at the beginning I thought about it constantly) and I think I’ll feel even better when I start to feel movements 😊.

Knock123 · 14/05/2021 17:26

I'm so sorry for your horrible experience last year, I can completely relate as I had 2 MC last year as well and I'm now 15 weeks. I found having my 12 week scan was a massive reassurance but I can't say I'm 100% better. Tell the sonographer you are nervous and they'll tell you what they're doing rather than having a big silence.

Be aware that from 12/13 weeks, symptoms start to fade a bit and you begin to feel 'normal'. It can be quite scary when it starts but please be reassured that this is supposed to happen and doesn't indicate anything is wrong.

Some things that have helped me:

My stomach has lost the bloat and began to grow a bit and that has provided me with some reassurance.

I have been reading a booked called Pregnancy After Loss by Zoe Clarke Coats, I would recommend you get hold of a copy for yourself.

Speak to the midwives and tell them you're struggling with anxiety and they can refer you for talking therapy. I have been lucky to have access to therapy since I had a positive pregnancy test and it has really helped me.

Another thing to try is mindfulness meditations, an app like Headspace or there will be loads on YouTube. Also look for some breathing exercises. It's important to interrupt your anxious thoughts and do these exercises before you go down an anxiety rabbit hole.

Talk to friends, family and your partner about how you are feeling and please be assured that the feelings you feel are normal! Especially considering the horrendous experience you have been through. You're not alone, in fact there is a pregnancy after loss thread on here for women due in November, see if you can find it.

Take each day one at a time, you're doing great!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 14/05/2021 17:27

The due date of the baby I lost is approaching in a week or so, and it’s been on my mind a lot and making me worry totally irrationally about the one I’m pregnant with- and I’m 22 weeks now! I’ve had spotting at various intervals so have freaked out all the way through to be honest. But I felt him move for the first time the other day and that’s been lovely and reassuring.

Knock123 · 14/05/2021 17:31

Oh and I forgot to say that something that really helped me after the 12 week scan was just being really brave and buying one baby grow. Whenever I get really anxious I get it out of the bag and try to imagine my little baby wearing it. I also try to visualise bringing the baby home and the more I practice the excited thoughts, the less I get the anxious thoughts

Chelyanne · 14/05/2021 17:52

This one follows 2 mc's and a few chemicals. I didn't relax until after the anomaly scan. Her movements had been less than with our others but that was explained when they told me her placenta is anterior. Now get lots of strong kicks which is very reassuring when I start to worry, 26+3wk atm. Our 2nd and 3rd children also followed mc's but I relaxed earlier with them. I think having a mc last time after seeing a hb on a private scan just made me worse, we'd got so excited thinking all was well and had it ripped from us anyway. All my other mc's that passed 6wk I'd not had scans with so found them a bit easier to come to terms with.

SillyBry · 14/05/2021 17:53

I felt better after 12 weeks, but not totally reassured as I hoped I would. The 20 week scan and feeling my body growing and movements happening have helped no end. Although even now at nearly 24 weeks, I worry. Today I think oh god, I’ve not felt much movement. I hope it’s ok. But I’ve got an anterior placenta and I know movement is less regular at this stage than in a few weeks 😊

Original poster

4Minions2CallMyOwn · 14/05/2021 18:44

Oh wow thank you all for taking the time to reply to me. Your messages are very reassuring and helpful to me!

I was hoping once the 12 week scan is done I’ll feel better. But I think I’ll then just start to worry about genetic abnormalities etc instead. It’s like I cant let myself enjoy this pregnancy after the miscarriages :(

This baby was conceived within days of the due date for first baby we lost. So a part of me feels a bit more positive and hopes that is a good sign.

Thanks again and congratulations to you all on your pregnancies

OP posts:

IvanTheDragon · 14/05/2021 18:51

I felt much better after our first scan - we went for a private reassurance scan at 8 weeks and the weight really came off my shoulders then, when we saw the heartbeat.

As others have said, don’t worry if your first trimester symptoms fade before you get your next set of reassuring signals - there’s usually quite a few weeks’ gap between nausea fading and being able to feel kicks. Good luck with your scan and I hope you can enjoy your pregnancy!

Knock123 · 14/05/2021 19:23

@4Minions2CallMyOwn seriously, hold on to that positive feeling, keep feeding it and the negative feelings will start to fade x

andivfmakes3 · 14/05/2021 19:36

I had 7 losses if I'm honest I didn't relax until I bought my babies home x

Original poster

4Minions2CallMyOwn · 17/05/2021 11:18

Thank you for the messages! I had my scan and all is well. Baby is measuring at 13+1 so I have a little less longer to wait. So relieved all is well

OP posts:

notalwaysalondoner · 17/05/2021 11:46

I felt much better after my early scan at 7 weeks when I saw the heartbeat - as my first miscarriage was anembryonic so there wasn't even anything there at the scan, just a big empty uterus...

Then 12 weeks definitely helped, seeing it was a real baby and all formed fine. I agree, buying the first baby item was a big step, I waited until my 20 week scan though I think. And feeling it kick has been a huge help, that started at about 18 weeks for me. Now I know it's there all the time as I'm 30 weeks now and it's pummelling me... I won't fully relax until it's born healthy, but I've surprised myself at not being more anxious to be honest...

toto23 · 17/05/2021 12:21

I didn't believe it would happen until after the 20 week scan.

I only started feeling comfortable in thinking it could work out at around 30 weeks .

PivotPivotPivottt · 17/05/2021 14:07

I never felt relaxed (still don't and she's 4 I now have horrible health anxiety about her ). Does your midwife know you are worried? Mine was great I was given 2 reassurance scans before my 13 week scan, midwife insisted I went for them she was more concerned about how upset and stressed I was making myself. I was referred to the antenatal psychiatrist as well but it took forever for the referral and by the time they contacted me I didn't bother seeing them. I had to be assessed before going home though. I went in a few times for heart beat checks/monitoring and each time I was so embarrassed and always apologised but they always told me they would rather see someone who was worrying rather than them sitting at home not wanting to be a nuisance. I also got given weekly midwife towards the end of my pregnancy for my peace of mind. I never requested any of this special treatment it was all at the midwife's insistence. Definitely speak to your midwife if you are feeling anxious there is lots of help available.

wunderlnst · 17/05/2021 14:40

Sorry to hear of your losses but congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm afraid I didn't truly relax and believe it'd happen until I gave birth.

Daffodil21 · 17/05/2021 14:46

Currently 27 weeks after 3 losses and I still think we might not have a baby in August.

The early days were the worst for me though. When it was too early for a scan I had blood tests to check my HCG was rising, and then from 7 weeks I booked a private scan every 10-14 days until my 20 week scan. Then it turned out we should have been consultant led anyway so now I get scanned every 4 weeks, but now I can feel him that massively helps. I have an anterior placenta so that did delay feeling movements but thankfully I can feel now.

You have my sympathies, pregnancy after loss really is shit, but when movements come I think that will help you

GrimDamnFanjo · 17/05/2021 14:52

@PivotPivotPivottt

I never felt relaxed (still don't and she's 4 I now have horrible health anxiety about her

). Does your midwife know you are worried? Mine was great I was given 2 reassurance scans before my 13 week scan, midwife insisted I went for them she was more concerned about how upset and stressed I was making myself. I was referred to the antenatal psychiatrist as well but it took forever for the referral and by the time they contacted me I didn't bother seeing them. I had to be assessed before going home though. I went in a few times for heart beat checks/monitoring and each time I was so embarrassed and always apologised but they always told me they would rather see someone who was worrying rather than them sitting at home not wanting to be a nuisance. I also got given weekly midwife towards the end of my pregnancy for my peace of mind. I never requested any of this special treatment it was all at the midwife's insistence. Definitely speak to your midwife if you are feeling anxious there is lots of help available.

I think this is great advice. I never relaxed but in retrospect I was suffering from antenatal depression with anxiety. This was picked up on after birth and I got support, but if you are really finding it hard please talk to your midwife as they can help.

Fluffyslippers123 · 17/05/2021 16:19

I had one loss before having my first DC and I didn’t relax until birth. I also had a loss before this current pregnancy and at 19w I’m still terrified something has gone wrong.

I’m trying hard to be positive because this is my last pregnancy and I WANT to enjoy it but when you’ve been through the bad stuff before it’s so hard. I’ve bought things at least but I still panic going into scans and worry at every little pain or lack of movement/symptoms

Senorasurf · 17/05/2021 22:36

I have only just started to feel more comfortable following 20 week scan and feeling baby kicking regularly. It's much more reassuring now that I can feel her.

It's a tough stage you're going through and I found weeks 16-18 particularly tough as I didn't have consistent strong movements yet and bump/symptoms felt like they had stagnated.

Good luck OP

SlovenlyUnwedMother · 18/05/2021 08:23

I felt much better after the 12 week scan but didn't start to really relax and believe I would actually have a baby until the 20 week scan. I'm 30 weeks now and still feel a bit of anxiety about something going wrong but it's much better than it was. I've stopped checking my underwear for blood every time I go to the toilet, for example.

Pregnancy after loss is so hard and I don't think you ever really completely relax but it does get easier. I've coped by breaking everything down into milestones - just getting to the next scan date, midwife appointment, first movements, viability etc.

123feraverto · 18/05/2021 08:27

@4Minions2CallMyOwn

Similar to you I had 2 MC last year, end of June and end of august.

I'm now 37+2

I'd say it does get better but the worrying doesn't quite leave you.

Once you start feeling the baby moving around I think that gives you more piece of mind that they are there and ok

Lillygolightly · 18/05/2021 11:07

I can totally relate to all the anxiety. I had a loss at 18 weeks in February and am currently pregnant with twins. I’m 8+5 weeks so I have a very long road ahead. I’ve so far had spotting which continues and a bleed but also 2 good scans showing 2 good heartbeats. I can’t see myself relaxing until maybe 20 weeks, or at least when I can feel them move.

I will be consultant led, I have a scan in 10 days when I’ll be 10 weeks and a then my dating scan a couple of weeks after that. I’m trying hard to be positive and I focus on getting to these small scan milestones. I try and stay calm and know that all I can do is hope for the best, so I’m hoping for the best.

Good luck OP!

ExcitingTimes2021 · 18/05/2021 19:03

I had a first trimester loss and a chemical before this pregnancy. The early weeks where horrendous with anxiety. I had my two NHS scans and two reassurance scans privately but they only helped the day I was scanned and the next day I panicked again. Same again when I see the midwife and hear the heart beat. I feel great after but that only lasts a day. I’m 28 weeks tomorrow and unfortunately though the anxiety has reduced a bit is still there. I have an anterior placenta and have a feeling it’s right front and centre as I can hardly feel her some days which causes an awful lot of stress. I dont think I’m ever not going to panic. I think a lot of us who experience first trimester losses just aren’t prepared so how common they are and are not at all ready to deal with them when they happen or how we feel afterwards. Good luck though OP and I hope you have a healthy and enjoyable pregnancy x

Starlight39 · 18/05/2021 19:10

Glad all is well and hope things get easier! I had 3 mc and with my 4th pregnancy (now a 4 month old baby), I felt much better after the 12 wk scan then better again after 20w scan. It was never as worry free as with my son (no mc at that point) but I did enjoy it. Feeling kicks helped but she was quite intermittent with them - she’d either be booting the hell out of me or v quiet - so that came with it’s own worries! Hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy but try not to worry about worrying if that makes sense, you’re bound to be a bit anxious about it after mcs

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