Affording a kid at 21

Bethany729 · 2021-05-14T01:13:57+00:00

I just found out I’m pregnant, please don’t judge as I’m hating myself enough it happened when I’m seriously careful with protection. I’m 21, in university and just lost my job due to COVID-19. I don’t want an abortion due to the depression side of it as my mental state right now is manageable but with an abortion it wouldn’t be. I have no family or friends to rely on, only myself, I’m very scared and no clue how I’m going to afford this or be able to move out from where I am to be able to have the baby.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/05/2021 02:25

You will be entitled to benefits. Other than that I can't really help. I had a baby at 18 but lived with my parents. I eventually got a council house when he was 2.
What about the babies father? What's the reason you have no family of friends yo help?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/05/2021 02:28

I'm not going to lie to you, it would be very very difficult with no family or friends, no other parent to help with the baby, and bo money and potentially no home. Babies are not easy at all. Struggling with a screaming newborn, no sleep, no money, on your own will probably have a worse impact on your mental health.

IsItAllOverYetPlease · 14/05/2021 03:25

I have a 1 year old and a DH. People talk about the newborn stage being difficult but for me its just got harder and harder. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done and don't even know how anyone does it alone. It's such a lonely time even if you do have a supportive partner. I have a massive respect for single mums but I honestly don't know how they cope. Please think carefully about your decision. If you're at university it sounds like you had some sort of a plan for your life. This will change everything and put it on hold for a very long time. You don't want to end up resenting your child. Think carefully

stripey1 · 14/05/2021 03:44

Have you spoken to your university's student support service? They should be clued up with what support may be available for you. Best of luck. Do what you feel is right for you.

georgarina · 14/05/2021 11:37

Think about the impact of a baby on your mental health, that will be a bigger struggle than termination - if that's what's putting you off. Having a baby with no job in university will be very hard.

Moorelewis · 14/05/2021 11:42

I find it amazing when someone says they don't want an abortion, they are still encouraged to rethink and have an abortion? OP it will be hard, but there will be financial support available. Is there anyone in real life who you could talk to? Is the babys' dad in the picture?

Footloosefancyfree · 14/05/2021 11:46

I had a baby at 21 when I was at university however it was the support of family inregards to buying big items. Although ex left when ds was one it was still the support of the family that kept me going I ended up back at home after the split and worked. I couldn't have done it if I was solely on my own tbh its such a life changing thing at such a young age especially if your living arrangements aren't ideal.

Blacktopwhitetop · 14/05/2021 11:54

@Moorelewis

I find it amazing when someone says they don't want an abortion, they are still encouraged to rethink and have an abortion? OP it will be hard, but there will be financial support available. Is there anyone in real life who you could talk to? Is the babys' dad in the picture?

I find it amazing when people with poor mental health and little financial or emotional support are encouraged to sleepwalk into parenthood, when there are alternatives, painful though they might be.

Motnight · 14/05/2021 11:56

Op I think that as others have said you need to consider how your mental health will be affected when you do have this baby. Its tough, really tough

Footloosefancyfree · 14/05/2021 11:58

Please explore all choices. I ruled out abortion because my dm had a stillbirth. I felt like I would judged even though DM didn't say anything and proceeded with the pregnancy it wasn't really discussed as much what my options could be. As a mother of a dd now if she found herself in the same situation, I would ensure she explored all options before making an life changing decision, its a hard road a head. Following the split from DS dad at the time I sunk into a deep depression and lost a lot of weight. The reality of my suitation hit me, I had lost all freedoms I previously and was restricted to certain jobs, whilst ex was free to go about and do as he pleased. Looking back I was just starting out on life and I was far too young to have a child at that time.

Warrickdaviesasplates · 14/05/2021 11:58

Are you still with the babies father or will he be involved at all?

Once you get to 8-10 weeks you'll need to be booked in with a midwife who will arrange your 12 week scan and some blood tests. I would strongly recommend speaking to her about your mental health and what can be done to support you.

Your university will probably have someone who can advise you on any help they can provide.

In regards to buying the baby stuff, keep an eye out on your local Facebook Buy, Sell, Swap etc page as there are sometimes prams etc going cheap. Ikea do some cheap baby furniture and Asda etc are good for multipacks of baby clothes at reasonable prices.

Babies are difficult at any age, at a young age it can be very isolating. So I would recommend joining baby groups once the baby is born and maybe an NCT class or similar during pregnancy.

Moirarose2021 · 14/05/2021 12:03

I was much older than you when I had a baby with no support, it was extremely difficult and the way I managed was by paying for help ( which does not seem to be an option for you) don't underestimate how having a baby ( and beyond) will impact on your mental health

Wizzbangfizz · 14/05/2021 12:09

Spot on @Blacktopwhitetop

bbbbcc · 14/05/2021 12:12

Hi OP,

I had my first baby at 19 and my second at 21. I'm 24 now and I don't regret keeping my DC (second one wasn't exactly an accident), however my situation is very different to yours, as I had family help financially, housing wise and physically helping with the DC, as well as having a partner. You would be able to do it, but it will be hard. That doesn't, however, mean that you shouldn't do it; nothing good in life comes easily (normally). I will not try and sway you to reconsider your options, you know what they are and decided against them, which is absolutely your choice. However, as others have said, it is worth considering the mental implications that come with having a DC. You will most likely be sleep deprived for a while, on top of uni assignments (unless you take a year out?), whilst trying to arrange childcare. It isn't impossible, but that's an awful lot for someone to do on their own, regardless of their age. Make sure that you talk to someone at the university that can guide you with the financial side sooner rather than later. You will most likely be eligible for Universal Credit, Child Benefit and, if you're in Scotland, the Scottish Child Payment. I wish you all of the best, my inbox is always open for a chat

Chelyanne · 14/05/2021 12:21

It's hard raising a child on a tight budget. If you don't have anyone to help share things then your quality of life may be pretty crappy. You have to weigh things up and decide if it's doable for you.

Our 1st was born when I was 21 but I had her dad (although he works away) and we had family to help out. I had to give up my education as I simply couldn't afford to pay for it, my parents and grandmother offered free childcare so I could return to work part time. Dh advanced in his career and things got easier for us over the years.

bbbbcc · 14/05/2021 12:22

In terms of financial help, I wanted to elaborate a bit, as that was the point of your post. If you're in England, Wales or another Ireland, you'll be entitled to the Sure Start Grant, which is a one off payment of £500. If you're in Scotland, it's called the Best Start Grant, and it's £606. You will most likely be eligible for Child Benefit, which is £80 a month, and the Scottish Child Payment, if you're in Scotland, which would be £40 a month. After a quick google, I think that you'd be eligible for Universal Credit too, as well as potentially a massive reduction in Council Tax. It's also worth asking your university/council about grants.

nellly · 14/05/2021 12:26

I'm pregnant with my first and I've found some great bargains on marketplace. So much baby stuff is hardly used for very long so still good.
You'll be entitled to benefits and there might be support through your university. You will manage. I'm in a relationship so haven't looked but I bet there are support groups for single mums online it might be worth having a look.

Moorelewis · 14/05/2021 12:52

@Blacktopwhitetop having an abortion when you don't want one or don't morally agree with it will also be detrimental to mental health? The OP says she wants to keep the baby. I'm all for women having the option to choose but when someone says they don't want to do something, why try to coerce them into it? No one said parenthood is easy.

Peachee · 14/05/2021 13:02

I don’t think a termination is something for others to encourage or discourage.. it is decided by the individual.. that’s why it’s called a choice.. if the op decided to keep the baby whether it’s plain sailing or very difficult is a road only she can go down.. and like others will only be wiser by taking the journey. Wishing you all the best Op. whatever support you offered grab it with both hands.

nimbuscloud · 14/05/2021 13:22

Are you in a relationship? Is the baby’s father supportive ?

Blacktopwhitetop · 14/05/2021 13:28

[quote Moorelewis]@Blacktopwhitetop having an abortion when you don't want one or don't morally agree with it will also be detrimental to mental health? The OP says she wants to keep the baby. I'm all for women having the option to choose but when someone says they don't want to do something, why try to coerce them into it? No one said parenthood is easy.[/quote]
@Moorelewis
The op said she didn't want an abortion. That's not the same thing as wanting a baby.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 14/05/2021 13:36

OP, I would strongly suggest you talk to someone in real life about this. Not necessarily a friend, but can you contact your university's welfare team? They should have support staff to assist you with welfare resources, money advice, evening counselling. They won't advise you to terminate or pressure you into anything but they will be able to signpost you to external support agencies in your area too.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 14/05/2021 13:36

Even counselling, not evening counselling.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/05/2021 22:54

@Moorelewis

I find it amazing when someone says they don't want an abortion, they are still encouraged to rethink and have an abortion? OP it will be hard, but there will be financial support available. Is there anyone in real life who you could talk to? Is the babys' dad in the picture?

Because carrying in with the pregnancy can be the worse of the two for the mother and the child. Bringing a newborn into the world when you have absolutely no support, no money, no job and no idea where you will live is not a great option is it. Why would anyone encourage that?

Taenia · 15/05/2021 07:37

I agree with what others havs said, speak to your University. They will go through options with you in regards to the course you are on too.. depending on how far through it you are, you could potentially claim the credits on the modules you have done so far and leave with an exit award to then return later to uni to carry on.. or the uni can also offer to do a suspension which means you leave the course at a set point and return the following year at the same point to continue. I just wanted to add that student finance can sometimes impact any benefits you are getting at the time. But student finance in the future can also give a childcare grant if you are not getting childcare from other benefits.

In regards to the situation without the uni. As people people have mentioned there are benefits you can apply for and you could speak to your local council about getting on the list for social housing in the future. It's not going to be easy ahead but I don't think it is for anyone. :) yes it's going to be harder being on your own and being young and trying to figure out life.. but people do manage it, if it'd the way you want to go you will be surprised at what you can manage :)

You have options and it's probabaly worth getting some counselling to speak through them. You've got time to make a decision don't feel you need to rush it and do it this week. It's your decision and yours alone try not to worry about what anyone else may think as what may be right for one person is not right for another.. everyone is so different.

Good luck OP xx