Pregnant at 19

[miaellie]

hi i’m new here. found out i’m pregnant a few days ago. i’m halfway through an apprenticeship so this is a big shock to me. told my partner and he’s not happy/doesn’t want it but says he will support me either way. im just very scared at the moment because i don’t earn a lot, no place of my own, not sure what this will do to my relationship etc. anyone out there who has had a baby at a young age?

How pregnant are you?

not sure haven’t been to the doctors but it’s early i think about 5-6 weeks

I can give you one important piece of advice.
The man you want at 19 really may not be the one you want in your life twenty years down the line.
You may feel that this pales into insignificance next to the thought of a baby, but the problem is a baby binds you to that partner , and his family forever too. 19 is so so young.

The best advice I can give you, is talk to someone in real life. Ie a mum or parental figure. You need to decide what you want to do. The majority of women on this forum will advise you to have an abortion, due to your age. If you don't want the baby, you're still very early on and this is an option for you. However if you want to continue the pregnancy then you need support. I often feel sorry when young people post on this forum asking for advice, because they are often met with harsh responses and pushing you into a decision.

If you want this baby you can and will make it work, you'll just have to work a bit harder for it.
I was 20 when I fell pregnant with our eldest, I still lived with my parents and was only part qualified career wise. He didn't want baby, had a lot of stress because of that and high blood pressure. It was tough setting up home and beginning family life on an extremely tight budget but it got better over the years.

Congratulations on your happy news. It's scary at that age to receive this news unexpectedly. Confide in parents or parental figures, if support not there, approach your GP Arthur will sign post you to local charities that can help. Good luck!! I have heard of people who meet very young and make it through life together. Be patient with boy friend, men are not as strong as us at handling shocking surprises. Sending big warm hug.

did he support you in the end? i know it’s possible just very life changing x

thank you! i’m going to tell my mum at some point but struggling to pluck up the courage. those are things i need to remember men deal with things so differently

Congratulations! I know it’s really scary right now. I had my first when I was 17 and had no support from my family or my partner at the time.
I managed to go back to uni and work part time and now I’m a teacher and have two more children.
If this is what you want you will make it work but I think I didn’t think about the long term. A baby isn’t a baby forever and there are challenges that come with each age and stage, I now have a stroppy almost teenager! I would say don’t be scared to talk to your family about it but at the end of the day you know what is best for you. Good luck x

@miaellie

did he support you in the end? i know it’s possible just very life changing x

He did. We've been together 17 years, married almost 12 and expecting baby number 6 atm. He was only 19 so was just scared, we both grew up fast but we have grown together rather than apart, he's stuck with me until death lol.

I had my first at 19, can remember it like yesterday when I told my mum. I was terrified but she was lovely.
My relationship with the dad fizzled out after a couple of years, my decision to break up. When my child was born my whole life centred around them. I worked hard, got my own place and met my current partner.
I’m in my 50s now, have more kids and my first now have kids of their own.
It all worked out fine for me, wouldn’t have changed a thing.
It was hard at first but if you knuckle down and get the right support I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Good luck in whatever you choose, I hope everything goes well for you. X

Hi, I don’t usually talk to people about things very often but I feel I need to because I feel pretty stuck.
I am currently pregnant, 13 weeks. The baby’s father I’ve been with (on and off) for 2 and a half years. We have had a few pregnancy scares previously. His reaction to those has always felt positive and like we would make the right steps together to live together and provide a home for the baby together.

This time he’s reaction is very different, he did tell me that it’s not the right time to have a baby even before I got pregnant because I know he has various other issues debts ect. However this was Unplanned and when it happened we was still regularly seeing each other at this point.

He has not mentioned anything to me about supporting me with somewhere to live even though he has a flat I could stay with him, he is aware I am struggling to find somewhere to live whilst pregnant! I cannot understand his change of heart in wanting to give me a home… I never thought he would react in this way, wether we are together or not.
He seems very against it but still wants to be involved?

I don’t see how he can know I don’t have a proper home for the baby but still messages and speaks to me like we are all good? Like how we did when we was together… to me it doesn’t make sense.

At first I thought he would come around and of course I would stay with him but now time is ticking and no mention of anything.

I am really worried for the baby. I don’t know what to do. Do I continue regular and good communication with him even though his left me struggling? I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say.

I feel embarrassed to tell family and friends the real situation.

Has anyone been in this situation or similar that can help me?

He still sends me messages asking my opinion on things or showing me his freshly cut hair but yet isn’t giving me options of a place to live! Or he says things that hints he is interested. Very weird. Only a few weeks ago he was searching for a car for me, helping me.

When we have had discussions about living he said speak with the council ect which to me is so disrespectful when you have a flat I could stay in and also save some money for the baby . It is a small flat and he does also work there so I get it’s not ideal but it would help me so much and take away the stress of all this.

There’s a lot more but I’ve tried to cut it short!

I would love to hear advice and opinions…

Thank you!

I found out I was pregnant with my son at 17, had him at 18. His dad has seen him twice, pays maintenence but that's it. 0 contact. At 21 I found out I was pregnant, dad very shocked and in-between but are now engaged and live together expecting our 2nd daughter in January. Its your decision and nobody else's, you have to live with whatever outcome you chose but its completely do able doing it alone. My son calls my partner dad and doesn't know any different.

I was pregnant at 18. I lost my job which sucked and moved in with my parents which was awful too. I had a scum bag for partner who ended up stealing from me, he hasn’t been involved from day dog.
Dd is now 11 and honestly I wouldn’t change any of my journey.
I now own my own home with my amazing dh. Learnt to drive, got a car. Have a decent enough job although I wish I had studied after dd was born. I loved being her mum and still so, we have the best bond and I’m so glad I get to be her mum nice and young.

If you want the baby then go for it, take the risks! Lean on your support network. Don’t give up on your dreams either. And if your partner is unsupportive or a prized prick just get rid sharpish. You have your whole life ahead of you to meet mr right.
Of course if you don’t want the baby that’s totally up to you and you get to choose how you live your life.