Who’s the most likely father? I need some advice

[Anonymousxxx]

Hi everyone,

I’ve just gone 7 weeks pregnant. The first day of my last period was on the 19th of March 2021 and I’m irregular with my periods but my cycle is usually around 34 days long. On the 27th March I had unprotected sex with my partner and then again on the 7th of April and tmi but both times he finished inside of me and I went to bed straight after without moving or getting up (so all the sperm would have stayed in me overnight). The next night I went to a friends and we was all a little drunk and a male ended up coming onto me and inserting his penis into me about 4/5 times unprotected but he did not ejaculate. I did not give him consent and I asked him to stop. This wouldn’t of lasted longer than 20 seconds at most. Im extremely distressed and in tears every day as I don’t want to tell my partner about what happened. We’ve been trying for over a year now and the month someone else comes near me, I fall pregnant. Is this a massive coincidence? What is everyone’s thoughts on this please? Please do not leave any nasty comments, I’m upset enough as it is. Any advice or suggestions will be appreciated x

I know you don’t want to tell anyone but what happened to you was rape and that man needs to be reported.
I am sorry xx

I'm so sorry this happened to you. The father is almost certainly your partner but unfortunately there is a very small chance it could be this other man and a DNA test is the only way to tell for sure. How distressing for you.

From your dates it is very likely that your partner is the baby's father, and very unlikely that it would be the drunk man (and I am so sorry he took advantage of you like that)

dnacentre.co.uk/paternity-testing/non-invasive-prenatal-paternity-testing/?gphone=0800-009-2973&gclid=CjwKCAjw-e2EBhAhEiwAJI5jg4rt_IfJRrDlxbMyALVcuxCTUcym3hXujGR72gIgCSh_9449ULs5BRoCc2MQAvD_BwE

Could you afford a pre natal paternity test. As hard as it is you need to talk to someone about this (preferably including your husband). What you have described is rape, even if like many rapes it is ultimately unprovable and not prosecuted, it is still rape.

I would say it’s very likely that your partner is the father but it’s not a 100% guarantee.

I am sorry what happened to you.
Have you considered reporting this man to the police ?

I don’t want to upset you, but, imagine this man is the father of your unborn baby?
If you decide to keep the baby, and he’s the father, then the matter of child support comes up as well as other legal consequences. By reporting what happened, apart from seeking justice for what he has done to you, at least you’re building a paper trail of what happened that night and that he is the possible father might be easier to prove then in case the DNA test says your partner isn’t. I am not a legal expert but I think it might be worth it to at least contact the police or a lawyer about this (if you’re mentally able to do this) and get some advice. Again, I don’t want to upset you and I understand that this is not something easy to do but perhaps something you need to consider.

Sending you strength

I'm so sorry OP. I think from your dates, you'd be most likely to have conceived 7th/8th April rather than the 27th and so its hard to say for sure its your partner - obviously more likely, but not impossible to be your assailant.

I think you need to unpack a lot of things. Firstly, I think you need to call rape crisis, and talk through the assault. I understand the pregnancy will be complicating things hugely, but even if you were 100% sure it was your partners, I don't think this is an experience you can just push down and forget about.

I also think you need to look into prenatal testing. I'm not sure who can best advise you on this, but I think you need confirmation one way or another or you will have complete anxiety hanging over you, and I think you need to have this as soon as possible.

Are you afraid to tell your DP about the assault because of the pregnancy, is there a reason you didn't feel able to tell him immediately afterwards? I think you need outside support in the first instance, and I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

I'm so sorry OP. I think from your dates, you'd be most likely to have conceived 7th/8th April rather than the 27th and so its hard to say for sure its your partner - obviously more likely, but not impossible to be your assailant.

I think you need to unpack a lot of things. Firstly, I think you need to call rape crisis, and talk through the assault. I understand the pregnancy will be complicating things hugely, but even if you were 100% sure it was your partners, I don't think this is an experience you can just push down and forget about.

I also think you need to look into prenatal testing. I'm not sure who can best advise you on this, but I think you need confirmation one way or another or you will have complete anxiety hanging over you, and I think you need to have this as soon as possible.

Are you afraid to tell your DP about the assault because of the pregnancy, is there a reason you didn't feel able to tell him immediately afterwards? I think you need outside support in the first instance, and I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Thankyou for all your responses. All opinions are making me feel a little more at ease now I've got it off my chest. I'm debating to show my partner the post I sent in here as my way of telling him as I just find it so difficult to put things into words, especially something that could be so hurtful. Please don't think I don't want to hear your thoughts, any opinions and words are seriously appreciated by me and is making me feel a little more stability in these circumstances so I thank you all so greatly x

Thankyou for all your responses. All opinions are making me feel a little more at ease now I've got it off my chest. I'm debating to show my partner the post I sent in here as my way of telling him as I just find it so difficult to put things into words, especially something that could be so hurtful. Please don't think I don't want to hear your thoughts, any opinions and words are seriously appreciated by me and is making me feel a little more stability in these circumstances so I thank you all so greatly x