Miscarriage

[hopefulsunshine11]

Hi,

So I am "in the middle" of a miscarriage. I've to go back on Friday to confirm. Basically there was nothing on my internal scans or abdominal scans when my hcg levels were static at 13000 for 48 hours and no yolk sak or embryo seen on the scans when I should have been 7 weeks. I've been told it's a failed miscarriage and on Friday I'll get another scan to confirm and see what options are available. I am so confused as my levels are high and match how many weeks I should be but if the baby stopped forming when they think it did at 4 weeks how did my hcg levels rise?

My post is mainly though, about how I'm feeling though, I'm in limbo like I know my baby isn't there but I haven't bled yet, I feel strange and I cried last week but I haven't felt as upset as I thought I would! Why is that? I thought I'd be hiding under the bed crying, not eating and really depressed. I have wanted this for so long and it's been taken away. Maybe once Friday comes and it's a final decision it will hit me but has anyone else felt like this before? I am devastated but my emotions aren't coming out unless I see a newborn on Facebook or in a pram. I wonder if this is my body protecting me and my strength over powering my grief!?

I feel like my heads in the clouds and so guilty for not being upset every day.

Don’t feel bad for how you are feeling. There is no right way to feel. Perhaps watch something on tv to keep your focus elsewhere if that helps. That’s not to say you shouldn’t grieve - but there is time for that and you should do it if and when it feels right - which may not be now or in a few weeks. Everyone is different. Take things one step at a time. I hope you can get some support and be around loved ones.

How your feeling is normal. I lost my son at 18 weeks I cried at the moment I lost him, well I screamed and cried actually but after that I was quiet numb for a while. Now it comes in waves.

I think I’m miscarrying @ 7+3 my twins as I type, I’ve had a few tears but not really cried. I’ll find out for sure on Friday and I think I’ll most likely be numb for a while.

It sounds like your having a missed miscarriage, this is when the baby stops developing but your body carries on as if it’s still pregnant. It can take weeks to miscarry naturally after baby has stopped developing. You will be offered some options with how you want to proceed at your next appointment.

I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sending you hugs. X

I had a really similar situation last year. I had ivf so had a 7 week scan which showed no baby, but very high hcg levels. I had a suspected molar pregnancy. It was all a bit scary and they told me that when I did miscarry it would likely be quite a big bleed and I needed to come back into hospital. A few days later, once I had stopped my progesterone pessaries, I started bleeding and it was just incredible the amount of blood I lost. The miscarriage went in some form or another with bleeding and scans and blood tests for about 13 weeks. In the end, the lab said it wasn’t molar, so no idea what it was really, but doctors said it was quite unusual to be so prolonged. Took all of that time for hcg to go back to low enough for a negative test.
Emotionally, I was also devastated but not weeping and wailing, just very disappointed and frustrated. I think the fact that there wasn’t a recognisable baby there was helpful for me (I know everyone can feel different) because I didn’t feel grief, just sadness about the situation. Perhaps grief for what I wanted and wasn’t happening, but not grief for a person.
Physically, for most women, miscarriages are just one of those things for most women and don’t affect future fertility. I’m now pregnant again, and the experience has definitely left me more jittery and anxious than previously, but only understandably so and isn’t stopping me from feeling hopeful.
I really hope this resolved quickly for you and that you process it however feels helpful for you. But don’t feel compelled to feel anything at all, just let yourself be. And good luck for whatever your choose to do next.

Sorry for your loss. Could it be a molar pregnancy or a chemical?

Just let yourself feel how you feel. You're body will be protecting itself. Seeing other pregnant women or babies will probably hurt for a while. Try and distance yourself from it as much as you can atm, your mental health is the priority.

Try listening to "The worst girl gang ever" podcast. There are so many different stories of different types of losses, which really helps to realise that you're not alone in this.

As a PP said, there's no right or wrong way to feel. If it helps at all, I felt the exact same way about my MC as you've described so far.

After my first scan, I cried and cried and cried. As I had no idea about my dates (no recent period to date from), I needed a second scan to confirm, but in my heart I knew it was over. Most of it was grief. We'd been trying for so long, and was being taken away so soon. But part of it also stemmed from fear. What if this was the only chance I had? What if, not only did I struggle to get pregnant, I then couldn't stay pregnant? The intervening time between scans was difficult. Babies and pregnancy announcements were everywhere. I cried on and off, but it lessened as the days ground on. By the time the second scan came around, and confirmed what I already knew, I had accepted it. It was nowhere near the emotional blow I was expecting. I wouldn't say I was numb, but there wasn't any sadness either.

After that, I was overall emotionally ok. I had a few wobbles here and there over the unfairness of it all, but they were short lived. When I eventually got pregnant again, there was that fear it would happen again in the back of my head. Every little niggle and cramp were closely scrutinised. Knickers were frequently checked. I don't think I truly relaxed until after the 20 week scan, but it all came good in the end.

Be kind to yourself @hopefulsunshine11.

Really sorry for your loss. I had a 12 week missed miscarriage and have just posted about my experience of surgical management. I recommend 'the worst girl gang' on Instagram for working out your feelings. At the scan where I found out I felt distraught first. Then in the car disgusted and nauseous about having a dead baby inside me. My husband said to think of it as keeping it safe which made me feel much better. Over the next week I felt numb and the crying came in waves, usually at night. Then the day before the surgery I was terrified but thankfully I'd built it up to be 100x worse than it was. Today, the day after I feel sad but able to start to grieve properly and think about the future

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I was feeling very similar to you, I was bleeding and knew something wasn’t right for over a week. I didn’t feel emotional I just kept on going. At the moment I miscarried and lost lots of blood I knew what was happening and that’s when my emotions started. Cried on and off for about a week.

Once the bleeding stopped I did feel a bit better but it probably just doesn’t seem real at the moment. That being said don’t feel guilty for not feeling emotional, everyone handles things differently there is no right or wrong way! Just make sure you look after yourself! Xx