AIBU to expect mum to make other plans for dog?

[CarryOnParenting]

I’m coming up to my due date and the plan is for my 4 year old to stay with my mum whilst I’m in hospital.

Whenever my mum has had my daughter before, we have had her dog, as the dog doesn’t like children and growls a lot. She’s never bitten but never been given the chance tbh.

I asked my mum what the plan was with the dog as she could have my daughter for a a few days, I assumed my mum’s partner would have the dog as he lives alone, knows the dog and is working from home atm. When I had my daughter I was in hospital for 5 days and I’m being induced this time which could take a few days.

To my surprise my mum said ‘I thought you would have the dog’. I’ll be in hospital, how can I look after a dog, she replied dismissively saying I won’t be in for that long, but I was last time and could be this time. My mum doesn’t want to ask her partner as she reckons the dog will be ‘unsettled’. Surely this is better than a potential bite to her granddaughter or the dog being at our house alone where she hasn’t been for 18 months (due to covid my mum hasn’t had my daughter overnight).

I should of asked about the dog earlier but just didn’t think, my mum has thought about and IMO come up with something that just won’t work.

Could you offer to pay to put the dog in kennels for a few days?

Oh and of the dog did stay with us, my mum reckons my sister will come up twice a day to feed and let the dog out, which is a 20 miles round trip. 40 miles twice a day and probably in traffic.

@Mumdiva99 I’ve suggested this, but she comes back with the ‘unsettled’ argument.

How long has dm had the ddog?
Just wondering why there is no positive relationship there...

Would the dog (and your sister) not prefer to be in the same house?! It seems mad that she'll be driving to an empty house to look after the dog... could she not have the dog at hers?
Why is the dog likely to be settled at your house, where he/she is left on their own all day than at a house with someone they knows?
Alternatively, tell your mum the dog will need to be muzzled or shut away from your daughter unless under direct supervision?

@Aprilwasverywet The dog is 10 and before my daughter was born never had any interaction with children. IMO the dog wasn’t socialised enough anyway. The dog took a disliking to any children she did come across, lots of growling and teeth bearing so we never took the risk of having them in the same room.

You need to find someone else to have your daughter .

@SillyBry sorry forgot to say my sister lives with my mum and other sister has children herself.

I made this point, surely the dog will still be unsettled alone for most of the day at our house. Seems unfair on the dog just because she ‘doesn’t want to ask’ her partner.

Didn’t think of a muzzle, I will suggest this. I think my mum thinks I’m being over cautious but my daughter is old enough now to open doors by herself which she probably want quite last time my had her for a significant amount of time. For example, she’ll get up on the night to take herself to the loo, I’d hate to think of her meeting the dog in the night.

That's a real shame op... Watching a friendship between ddog and dc is heartwarming...
Sadly your dm has a choice to make here... Bear in mind you may not like the outcome.

@Floralnomad my mum will be heartbroken if this happens but I think I’ll have to say either you agree to plans for the dog or I ask someone else.

Can your mom/sister not come to stay at your house to look after your dc and the other one looks after the dog at home?

could your sister and the dog go and stay at yours?

I find mn often a bit hysterical about dog and danger, but I am just imagining your dd getting up in the night, and the dog being startled and surprised at someone wlaking round int he night and going for her.

I would not want to risk it. Tell mum that either dog goes or dd can't come.

BUT of course she might say dd can't come, so you will need to find other childcare.

You cannot leave the dog in your house on its own, it wil be massively distressed to be alone for 22/24 hours in a strange house.

I'd just say that if she can't get someone to look after her dog then you'll need to ask someone else to watch your child. Don't really see it as a big deal considering the dog doesn't like children.

Oh actually good call from PPs re one staying at yours with the dog.

@CarryOnParenting It's hard - you don't want to upset your mum... and certainly, there will be plenty of time to acclimatise the dog and your daughter to each other, so that they are less nervous of each other... but due to Covid/lockdowns, both will be very un-exposed to each other at this point... and the time you're having a baby, isn't the time to be stressing about getting that stuff done!
Your sister staying with the dog might be an option... but honestly, I feel like the partner could have the dog. (I'm sorry to say it, as I'm a big dog lover and have grown up with them... but I would rather the dog was unsettled than there was risk to my kid! But also, being unsettled in human company is a hundred times better than on its own!)
This sounds massively out there, but if the dog is stressed/uneasy, has your mum considered CBD drops/chews? My sister has a GSD, who gets anxious in certain situations and she says it has massively chilled her out. She's a much happier dog on them :-) (not suggesting doping the dog is the answer... but it might help! LOL!)

Can’t your mum look after your DD at your house, and the dog stay at home with your sister who lives there anyway?

Surely your mother can keep a child and a dog separate for a few days, if not you need someone else to look after her.

My parents kept an old dog chained up when they looked after our children as she didn't like kids at all.

You won't be able to muzzle a 10 year old dog just like that, if it's never had one before.

Do you have a DP? I’d leave 4 yr old with them if so, and labour alone, rather than have my DC in a house with a dog that doesn’t like children. Your mum can just come at the point you’re close to giving birth, leaving the dog at her own house.

@NoSquirrels

Can’t your mum look after your DD at your house, and the dog stay at home with your sister who lives there anyway?

Yes, this?

Ask someone else to have your daughter for a few days. Your sister? What other options do you have?

Your DM has prioritised the dog, which is too bad, but it sounds like if you leave things to her discretion, she will have your DD and the dog at her house together. Which sounds unsafe.

So... find another place for your DD. We all know how important it is that you feel secure and confident in your DD's care while you are in hospital. Good luck!

Thanks for the replies. Yes I think the comprise here is going to have to to be she has my daughter here and my sister looks after the dog. I have suggested this also and my mum was reluctant, looking forward to having granddaughter all to herself I think, but needs must, it doesn’t trump safety.

Why wouldn’t she have her “all to herself”? Presumably she’s there because someone needs to look after her - so your DP/you won’t be in the way of that because you’ll be labouring and DP will be supporting you.

Your mum has loads of options to be helpful, without the dog around, and the onus is not on you to be helpful to her with the dog in this situation!

@NoSquirrels

Can’t your mum look after your DD at your house, and the dog stay at home with your sister who lives there anyway?

This!