Guilt over not feeling like pregnancy is a magical experience

[Tryingandhoping2020]

Firstly I am so happy, grateful and excited to be pregnant and I can’t wait to meet my baby.

However, I’ve found my pregnancy so far quite tough physically. Was very sick between weeks 6-12 and was signed off work, basically lived in my bed. Improved since then (now 18+2) but still being sick every now and then and so drained and exhausted all the time. My skin has broken out badly, none of my clothes fit, I’m certainly not glowing. Meanwhile all the pregnancy apps are telling me in the second trimester I should be feeling fantastic, and social media posts from other pregnant women saying that pregnancy is the most magical experience of their lives and they cherish every second of carrying their baby.

Anyone else so grateful to be pregnant but also counting down the days till due date, and not particularly enjoying pregnancy so far? Did it get any better for you?

I’m so with you! I’m 19 weeks and waiting for the glow to kick in.

I’m nauseous, tired and grumpy! I feel like I should be cherishing every moment but I hate having to constantly think about what I can eat to stop feeling ill and I just want to enjoy my last few months of baby free life!

I’m reassured that others are feeling the same!

I had, no exaggeration, the easiest pregnancies ever, and even I never subscribed to the "pregnancy is magical" bullshit.

I. Hate. Being. Pregnant.

But I love the outcome so I just see it as something I have to go through.

To be fair I first fell pregnant September 2019, had DS1 is June 20, pregnant again December 20 so by September I wouldn’t have been pregnant for 3/4 of the last 2 years 😂🤭

It will end though and I was surprised at how quickly I bounced back physically. Especially when I was cuddling my new cute little human.

Congratulations, almost half way, ignore more others’ experiences because every one is different.

I think it’s more normal not to like it. I don’t think anyone really thinks it’s magical. I’ve been relatively lucky. I just had a few weeks of mild tiredness and a sick feeling.

Please don't feel guilty! There is nothing to feel guilty about! My friend had a horrendous pregnancy experience- felt sick and awful literally every single day. It's over now and she's enjoying motherhood and she's such a great mum imo. Hang in there

My first pregnancy was like that, I was sick all day and night. So so ill, exhausted and just drained. It’s like having a 24 hour sickness bug for weeks and weeks (and months) on end. People would tell me they loved being pregnant and didn’t understand. I felt like I was awful for hating it.

Now carrying my second baby and my pregnancy is the polar opposite, I’m fine.

I realise now the people that told me they loved being pregnant loved their pregnancies and they weren’t comparable to my experience.

I lost so much weight in the beginning of my first that my people believed the decaf coffee (when working in an office was a thing) and no alcohol on marketing do’s was genuinely a weight loss thing.

@Tryingandhoping2020 we are due date buddies!

Im sorry you aren’t feeling great. Of it makes you feel any better, I’m on baby no 2 and I feel like shit too. I’m exhausted all the time. I feel fat. My skin is grotty. I have reflux. I still feel sick intermittently.

I felt wonderful in my last pregnancy so no idea what’s gone wrong this time!! 😂

There was a 2 week period at around 20 weeks where I felt OK but the rest of both of my pregnancies werent great. Terrible morning sickness, incredibly irritated nose and hellish allergies, utter exhaustion and fatness. Like lots of aspects of life some folk are just lucky. Please don't feel guilty.

My piles were so gigantic that I named the bastards, and so painful that they made me cry. A combination of unmedicated hay fever and normal pregnancy sinus swelling meant I had awful sinus headaches for weeks at a time. My pelvis waved the white flag and stopped serving any useful function, and hurt for months. And my previously sprained ankle decided that having working ligaments was a real drag and so just gave way randomly in the street from time to time.

Being pregnant is shit

Pregnancy is really hard work and you can't have a break from it, it's nine months of slog!

Two pregnancies was sick from 5 weeks till the minute I gave birth. I was over joyed to be pregnant (fertility pregnancies waited a long time) but was so glad to give birth. I actually felt better after giving birth naturally to twins than I did the whole pregnancy. Just keep going and think about the outcome, just get through each day till you cross the finish line.

I have good, pretty easy pregnancies. Was never sick, and dare I say it, after about 20 weeks I do get a bit glowy - my hair and skin is always lovely once I hit the home run. But, I still hate being pregnant. Love the babies I get, but the pregnancies are a means to an end. Weirdly, don't mind giving birth. I'd do that again but I really couldn't cope with being pregnant a third time.

I'm 38+2 weeks into a really easy first pregnancy. I've been so lucky. But even so, it's never felt "magical." It's a pain in the arse. I haven't felt any mother-earthy spiritual connection with my unborn daughter, and TBH I'm sick of getting kicked around from the inside! I want her out! And I want wine.

I HATE being pregnant! I vomit from the beginning, food tastes like sawdust, everyone comments on your body, my hips and back hurt, I dislike feeling the baby kick inside me (it’s just weird and uncomfortable and unnerving as I never establish the pattern so always feel like I’m failing!), I’m emotional and tired, piles hurt and I’ve never found having a “bump” attractive on me (I think it’s lovely on others!). Honestly I’ve NO idea why anyone likes it at all! I count down the days till birth (warning, I also dislike the early days of being a mum).

However, my 16 month old is such fun and I can’t wait for this little one (I’m 38weeks) to be able to play alongside her.

OP I’ve been pregnant including loses for most of the last 4 years and if I ethically could, I’d absolutely outsource it! Pregnancy (even though I’m massively grateful to be so) is the opposite of magical!

Thank you so much everyone! It’s so good to hear some experiences similar to mine, I feel like people who have great pregnancies tend to shout it from the rooftops and those of us who aren’t so lucky don’t at all. Think there’s definitely a bit of shame ground into us from the whole “you’re not ill, you’re pregnant” brigade! Here’s hoping for healthy, straightforward deliveries for us all when our time comes, squishy cuddly babies and a return to normal hormone levels

I’ve got two beautiful children. The pregnancies that made them certainly weren’t beautiful though. I had HG both times and my youngest is almost five. I still, at least once a week, think “thank God I am not pregnant!”

Don’t feel bad. For some people pregnancy is just horrible.

Everyone’s pregnancy is individual to them, personally I don’t like pregnancy and I get very sick. It’s hard to feel magical when your miserable all the time, I guess we’re all in this for the end goal x

@Spudlet

My piles were so gigantic that I named the bastards, and so painful that they made me cry. A combination of unmedicated hay fever and normal pregnancy sinus swelling meant I had awful sinus headaches for weeks at a time. My pelvis waved the white flag and stopped serving any useful function, and hurt for months. And my previously sprained ankle decided that having working ligaments was a real drag and so just gave way randomly in the street from time to time.

Being pregnant is shit

FFS I actually think a random person on the internet may have just done what about 11 HCPs failed to do and actually come up with a plausible cause for the terrible migraines I've been suffering! I've ended up in hospital on three occasions now, the pain has been so bad! If it's potentially as simple as 'normal pregnancy sinus swelling' or sinusitis then why the fuck did none of the GPs, midwives or specialist doctors I saw in the bloody hospital even suggest this?? Aaaargh. I was sent for brain scans, eye tests, all sorts... no one ever suggested it could be sinus pain

On top of that I've had hyperemesis since about week 4 and none of the antiemetics have done much to help, and the dihydrocodeine I was prescribed for the migraines also makes me vomit violently and continually... so yeah, pregnancy on the whole has been pretty shit this time round. Only another 24 weeks or so to go...

I'm glad lots of others feel like this too!
This is my first pregnancy and has been a struggle getting here.
I've not even got to 12 weeks yet and I honestly have been feeling awful.
Constant nausea, no appetite, really struggling with eating anything that isnt beige in colour. I am constantly exhausted, as in, I am going to bed at 8pm whereas normally, I'm very much an evening person.
My back hurts. I've had cramps continiously. I have sciatic pain already.
My skin resembles that of a 13 year old boy.
I'm emotional and normally I dont get upset over the small stuff.

All I get from work colleagues (they had to be told early due to my job role) is that it will pass. I know it will (or maybe it wont and I'll be like this for 9 months), but I just dont want to keep feeling so crap.
I feel very blessed to get a positive test, I'm terrified that the 12 week scan wont show anything. But each day is hard. I dont want to wish the time away, I just want to be able to eat properly and not vomit.

Don't feel guilty op- it's shit.

I was sick and nauseous untip about 23 weeks, lost 2 stone and I even considered a termination it was that bad.

I'm now 33 weeks and even though the sickness has gone I now have heartburn, ammenia and I am fucking huge.

I've had enough and can't wait to no longer be pregnant!

Pregnancy isn't an illness. But my pregnancy has caused a number of temporary illnesses. I don't think people should give up running, for example, just because they're pregnant if they feel fine. But with chronic nausea and chronic pain as two of my current pregnancy illnesses, anyone who thinks I'm not ill while being pregnant can go throttle themselves with a condom.

Do NOT feel guilty. I had 2 HG pregnancies and whilst both children were absolutely planned for and wanted more than anything, I hated every second of physically being pregnant. My youngest is now 2 and there are still some foods I can’t even look at because of how ill I was on a day I randomly tried to eat one of them.

HOWEVER I would say the huge plus point of not being a glowing earth mother type pregnant woman is that once you’ve actually had the baby, you are so unbelievably grateful to not be pregnant any more, that nothing else feels quite so bad. Sleepless nights, unending feeding, colicky baby… Yeah? So what?! I’m not pregnant anymore so I can take anything!

Hang on in there. You’ve got this!