How would you tell your DM about pregnancy knowing she won't be happy?

[PinkPurpleParade]

In short - 10 weeks pregnant with 2nd DC now. Getting more and more anxious as we're getting towards the 'telling people' mark and not sure how to handle it.

DM lives alone, quite bitter and unhappy and hasn't been the nicest to me in the past, however the last few years our relationship is better and I love her a lot.

I have 1 DC already from a previous relationship, family were disapproving when this relationship broke down when DD was only 1 but I couldn't bear it anymore. It's all worked out for the best.

I've now been with DP only a year, he moved in almost right away due to the pandemic. We knew him already and DD adores him, so it's all worked out well. Now 10 weeks pregnant and absolutely terrified to tell DM. She was more than disapproving with my last pregnancy, didn't speak to me for 6 months and was disgusted as I wasn't married. Once DD arrived they are best friends and DM has her 2 days a week for me now.

Would you tell her in person, and risk being told you're a disappointment, a disgrace, horrible person, slut etc (all things I've been told in the past) - or send a picture of the scan via WhatsApp with a nice message about how excited we are, and give her time to process before seeing her in person a few days later?

Absolutely terrified, I can't sleep for worrying

What’s App her and don’t take any of her sit back, tell her if she can’t be happy for you she can either keep it to herself until she is, or she can not see you and your DD until she wises up. You’re a grown woman and don’t need her judgement and nor do you deserve it. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Don’t take any of her shit that should say!

Thank you @BeetyAxe that's really kind

I’d tell her face to face, if she gives you any shit leave.

Show her a scan picture in person. Doesn't really matter what her opinion is, if she is nasty about it leave and don't go back until she can be reasonable. Your life, not hers.

’DM has her 2 days a week for me now’

How are you for childcare? Would she refuse to have your DD is she is angry with you?

WhatsApp definitely. Then she can process the information. But as PP have said please don't take any shit about it. Congratulations to you!

Arrange other childcare first.
Then tell her however you feel most comfortable. But not with DD around.

I'd send a text, not even a scan photo.

Don’t tell her yet

I don't think I'd bother to tell her at all with an attitude like that.

Sorry @PinkPurpleParade that she isn't more supportive. If you don't like confrontation then a text message might be best. Perhaps as she loves your first child she might come round easier this time?

Are you sure she will be as bad this time round? It sounds as if she has got much better recently , but I suppose it might depend on what she thinks of your new dp. As hard as it is, I would do her the courtesy of telling her in person and reassure her how happy you are. If she already has you dc two days a week, she might actually look forward to more grandchildren.

I'd put off telling her, tbh, unless you feel you want to get it over with. And I'd definitely do it by WhatsApp and then immediately mute the conversation so I didn't have to deal with shitty notifications bouncing up.