So tired! Toddler transition from co sleeping

[LLLTB]

Hi I'm writing this at almost 3am and I'm at my wits ends with my little girl. She is 2.5 years old and we are trying to get her to sleep on her own. I co slept with her from very little. I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant and very worried about having two rely on me. It wasn't a planned pregnancy as I wouldn't have planned another till she was out of co sleeping. We started changing things when she turned 2, she stopped breastfeeding which helped a lot with her falling to sleep with just a cuddle. Then we moved into her room where I'd been sleeping with her since. I brought myself a new bed about a month ago and started to sleep in a separate room.
She goes down fine most of the time with a story and cuddle but she wakes up in the night screaming for me, she won't let my husband settle her which is even worse because the strain is then all on me. We've tried crying it out and it's stressful and very upsetting! Hence we are up at 3am and she's still not asleep, I want to get the best sleep I can at the moment and I'm just not.
I don't want to continue co sleeping with her either. I'm just so worried about how I'm going to cope with my toddler when we have a new baby. Anyone have any experience or gentler ways of approaching this?

Sorry bit of a emotionally drained and tired post so hope it makes sense.

Let her soothe herself to sleep - everytime she cries and you go to settle her you are making a rod for your own back as she knows if she cries mum will come. It will be hard for a few nights but worth it in the end.

I stopped co-sleeping with DC1 at 2.9 completely. DC had been starting the night in own bed for a long time then coming in when first waking anything from 10pm-3am. I stopped cuddling DC to sleep at the same time which helped.

At bedtime did usual routine then instead of cuddling to sleep said I have to just tidy up and fiddled about refolding all DCs clothes. DC watched and eventually fell asleep. Progressed to having jobs to do in room next door which took a minute then a few minutes etc. If DC shouted me I popped my head round said I was busy but would come back. DC got the hang of it in a couple of weeks.

For night wakings I went in and back rubbed and put sound machine on. Would cuddle sat up but not lay down with DC. Less tears over a couple of weeks.

DC has gone through periods of resisting DH doing bedtime/night wakings. He would come in to listen to the stories, then would read a story, then would be the one who stayed being 'busy' in the next room.

DC now 3.2 went through a good period of sleeping through but now I am pregnant (35 weeks) is waking several nights a week again, usually just once before midnight. DC has become more clingy to me/resistant to DH going in again so he finishes bedtime every night with a song and still goes in for some night wakings. Its improved gradually (a recent bug has not helped!). Wake ups are now a quick hug, reassurance and I leave within minutes. Its helped that DC can tell me why....dreams are usually that I have gone away/been taken away or monsters in the room.

DH started to sing when he settled DC but I dont, its his 'thing'. DC tells me to go away and daddy come and sing which I think also helped him be involved. 90's britpop is apparently good at dispensing with monsters!

For context DC has been on the worst end of sleep since day one. I tried many sleep training methods many times but I wont torture myself with it any more. DC will get there eventually. I understand what PP is saying re few nights crying and it will get better....but the level of that depends on your child. Mine needed reassurance or was awake all night hysterical which was far more tiring. I don't like the phrase 'rod for own back' that's just mum guilt. I expect DCs sleep to deteriorate again when baby arrives as it's an unsettling change. Having DH be able to settle DC really helps me...but I appreciate that might not be possible depending on your circumstances.

I hope things improve for you OP it's hard going.

@Fispi

I’m not trying to guilt anyone and don’t appreciate you saying so. If you want me to be brutally honestly the fact of the matter is, all this mollycoddling at nearly 3 years old is why OP is in the situation she is and also why you had bother yourself.

@MikeWhiskeyIndia I apologise if I have caused you any offence, it genuinely wasnt meant that way, it's just a phrase I dont like. I dont consider myself to have had bother, I love being a mum and take the highs and lows together. We all have different opinions, experiences, personal circumstances and parenting approaches and it's great to be able to share those here. I was sharing my experiences in the hope it might be useful. That is in no way a judgement on any parenting technique, just what happened to work out for us in the end.

@Fispi thanks for replying nice to hear a similar situation. I chose to co sleep and it has been a beautiful journey. I've tried the crying it out and it just doesn't work for us. Last night she was awake from 12.30am screaming till 5am I did go in and reassure her and try very hard but I couldn't do it any longer and gave her a cuddle in bed where she that fell asleep. I think we've just decided to work on daddy getting her to bed in the evening because that in itself will be a huge help. Hoping the night times will just get better. I just want to be getting the best rest possible at almost 34 weeks pregnant!!

My DD was 2 when my DS was born and I co-slept with both of them.I had a cot attached on one side and a next to me on the other. I'm sure some people thought we were nuts but it worked for us.

My DD is nearly 4 now and is in her own room. We decorated it with her favourite things and she transitioned really easily with no tears.

Is having them both in with you something you'd consider? You may find she stirs, sees you're there and goes straight back to sleep.

@LLLTB that's so tough! It will get better but its brutal at the time. Toddlers seem to get really unsettled when you're pregnant just when you could do with a calm restful time but it's a huge change for them. All my friends with toddlers the same age have had them going backwards with sleep or really pushing boundaries when they have been pregnant. Hope things calm down soon.

@Teakind yes I would consider it if I really needed to but I'd prefer not to be sleeping with two! I'm thinking for the first month my husband will probably end up co sleeping with our DD as she does have a double bed in her room to make it easier, my husband has got the first month off when baby arrives so hopefully that helps. Think I was putting to much pressure on myself and my little girl

@Fispi yes she's been a-bit unsettled but also very bored with not being able to go anywhere! Hoping it's not too difficult when baby is born

@LLLTB My DD is 19 months and we co-sleep, I’m 23 weeks pregnant and planning on having DC2 in the next to me cot and then I imagine they’ll both be in the bed with me at some point!

Would she settle if you bought her bed into your room so you had your own space but are close by for comfort? Or you could persevere with getting DH to try and settle her?

And @MikeWhiskeyIndia comforting your child is definitely not mollycoddling! 🙈

this article really helped me, im so sorry you're so tired www.babysleepmadesimple.com/how-to-transition-toddler-from-crib-to-bed/