Negative sister draining my energy

[Surfermummytobe]

Hi everyone!

I'm just trying to vent and I suppose looking for reassurance as I feel so much guilt. Im 36 weeks pregnant with my first baby and overall I've enjoyed my pregnancy so much. I've loved being in the sea, surfing up until my third trimester and trying to keep as calm as I can.

Wee bit of a back story but my sister and I aren't on the best terms at the moment. I'm 23 and she's 29, and over the past couple of years she has dealt with a pretty hard breakup and was in a really toxic relationship.

My sis and I almost lost our brother ( he was my twin) in a horrific climbing accident a few years ago. It was awful and lockdown has both allowed us to stop and process everything over the past few years. It's been tough but I'm glad that the sea has been my saviour and it's helped me heal!

My sister however, she has her own ways with dealing with things and every few days during my whole pregnancy she has been bombarding me with her life complications. She's constantly up and down about the way she looks, dating, going on and off dating apps, criticising people who choose to live a simple life instead of constantly travelling, moaning about her job, moaning about absolutely everything.

Back to the point ( ramble !) she asked if she could come and stay with my partner and I next weekend. She's travelling up from work and I was happy for her to stay the night but also dreading the negativity from her, especially as I'll be 37 weeks pregnant. I told her about this and she's flipped at me, saying I have no idea what it's like to be in her shoes, saying everything is on her shoulders etc.

I feel guilty because I've told her I can't take this negativity anymore and I've explained I'm hurt that she hasn't asked me how the baby is. Only once during this pregnancy she has asked me how baby is. I've constantly been helping her, phoning her, trying my best to give her advice and to go out and exercise, join up at the pool at it's now open and get out in nature. Shes definitely tried but it's a constant negative cycle and I'm starting to get really fed up of it.

I feel guilty because she's my only sibling left, and I would like her to be apart of my wee boy's life. However I don't think I can handle her negativity anymore , especially as I have my baby to focus on and concentrate on him having a good, fun upbringing. I can't deal with her shit right at the end of my pregnancy!! I want to enjoy the last few weeks and not stress. How the hell do I over come this guilt? 😩

Just because she is blood doesn't mean you have to keep a toxic relationship. She's an adult, if she wants to be in your and your baby's life make it clear to her that you have enough of her negativity. It's terrible draining on you having to deal with it especially at this point in your life, she sounds envious of you. I have cut family members out of my life for that same reason, I just don't need the drama. Good luck with your new arrival.

I think your approaching it in the right way already OP. You arnt cutting her off but you are being straight, open and honest about how you are feeling towards her. Everyones allowed a rough patch and a moan to their family of course but your sister has clearly taken her negativity too far without much if any consideration for you or your pregnancy. I would discuss with her one final time before her visit how your feeling and if she reacts in a similar way as she has then just apologise and say you wont be able to have her over to stay. No matter what, you need to be selfish at this stage and think about yourself and baby. Id then approach the situation after.

It sounds like she might not be in a great place at the moment, whereas you are. It's up to you whether you want to offer her support or not, but I think it's a bit much to ask her to hide what she's going through so that it doesn't spoil things for you.

You almost lost your twin, confused, did you?

Oh I'd love to hear the other side of this actually. I'm imagining a post about how she can't talk about things with you without you berating her about being negative and inexplicably telling her to go swimming all the time.

Almost lost or did lose your twin?