Baby Shower or not during covid?

[sarah13xx]

I am about to start working from home when I’m 28 weeks. I’m a teacher and feel like I’ve been so lucky not to have caught covid up til now (that I’m aware of). Was thinking I will need to arrange something in July for friends/family but have never really liked the idea of a baby shower. Hate the attention being on me and would feel like I was inviting people to bring me a present basically, when they will probably buy the baby one after he is born. Considered having a casual BBQ at my mum’s house instead (where it’s not all women). Either just a family one then meet up with friends in a smaller group, all outside to reduce the risk or just invite everyone to the same one?

What are most people doing about ‘baby showers’ just now? 🙈 Really don’t want to catch it just as I’m at the most vulnerable! x

I really don't like baby showers, the idea of being centre of attention and then the thought that people feel pressure to get you a gift - then possibly another once the baby is here... The whole thing makes me really uncomfortable.... that said I'm pregnant with my second and both times my best friends have arranged me surprise baby showers!
They went to so much effort it was difficult to be annoyed and my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, aside from my husband these ladies were my rocks and I'll always be greatful for the love and support they gave me - so when I fell again and carried successfully they were so excited I think they wanted to celebrate it. It was all a bit much but we did end up having fun (the porn of labour guessing game was a good giggle) and I appreciate all the time and effort they spent.
This time round very recently they did it again! When we pulled up and I realised, my husband got called a few choice words as he was once again in on it. But I actually had a really nice time. DH had told them I wouldn't want one but agreed to help in the end on the condition that it was small (which it had to be for covid restrictions) and there was a no gift policy.
We had a lovely time outside in my friends garden - they paid to have made individual buffet boxes and everyone was told to bring your own drinks because of covid and We all kept to social distancing but still played a few guessing games etc and it was actually so chilled out and lovely. The way it was done I didn't feel like focus was on me the entire time and it was brilliant to see these people who for some I haven't seen in person so long. I really really enjoyed it.
So basically if you want One have one. Be sensible and safe and stick to regulations. I'm still not keen on them but they are becoming more popular in this country so people won't be surprised if you chose to have one xx

@Fro93 yeah even people who were quite strict like me in following the rules are now in everyone’s houses etc, which still isn’t allowed here in Scotland. I feel like I’m the only one still saying no to things and having to say ‘because I’m pregnant’. There’s then the worry of what to do when he’s born 🙈 I don’t mind people seeing him in the garden but if everyone was to be allowed to hold him he’d be getting passed about between so many people in his first month of life when he’s probably at the most vulnerable.

@cem90 that’s nice, sounds like you had a good one and the no gift thing really takes the pressure off 🙈 I’ve got my friends baby shower in a couple of weeks and I was almost thinking if we have to take a gift we’d be as well all putting in a small amount each and getting her vouchers for lunch or a massage or something to use after the baby’s born. I’d probably buy her an outfit for the baby when she/he is here but it feels weird having to think of something else to get a few weeks before that 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think I’m going to do afternoon tea with my closest group of friends outside then just have a family BBQ for literally parents and not start inviting loads of people

@sarah13xx I'm having one of sorts, but just six of us and for a meal, having seen no one through pregnancy it will be nice to see people x

@AnxiousAnnie86 that’s what mine would be if we went for afternoon tea, just 6. I somehow feel obliged to have something with both sets of parents as well. My husband’s mum and dad aren’t together and they both have other partner’s so there’s 3 sets of grandparents. Unless I just got my mum to have a BBQ for that after he’s born

@sarah13xx I just didn't invite either mother! Literally kept it as our two sisters and my three best friends after I said that's what I would like to do, they've planned it between them, otherwise it would of ended up someone doing a suprise and I really didn't want one!!!

@AnxiousAnnie86 think that’s the best way! I think given he’s due in the summer I’ll just get my mum to have a small family BBQ when he’s a month old instead. Hate fuss at the best of times but especially during covid

Baby showers are tacky and a weird gift gaining exercise that I just don't understand or appreciate.

I do completely agree that a nice gathering of friends would be lovely like the BBQ you suggested but I wouldn't invite people to a "baby shower" as such. Given the covid restrictions easing I would personally find some outdoor gathering arrangement to see people as long as people are still being sensible with regards to personal hygiene and symptoms etc.

Don’t be put off by people saying they’re tacky if you want one. People don’t have to come if they don’t want to! I really don’t understand the tacky thing. I arranged a surprise one for a friend once while living abroad and I thought it was a really nice thing to do as she didn’t have a sister or mum around to organise one for her. Really hope she didn’t think it was tacky I thought I was doing something nice! On the gift ‘grabbing’ front I disagree again. My friend had a baby in January, I got her a hooded robe for her baby shower and I didn’t then buy another gift when baby was born so I personally don’t see it as an opportunity to get extra gifts? I sent flowers when baby arrived. I would have got her the same amount of stuff whether she had a shower or not but if she hadn’t had a shower I would have just given her the baby robe when the baby arrived at the same time as the flowers. Each to their own! I’ve really enjoyed the ones I’ve been to but not been to many x

On the gift front, I told the girls not to get anything for the baby, unless it's a token, the only thing I said would be nice is if they all bought her a story book they loved when they were children and wrote a note inside for her.... x

Nope and told my family and friends I do not want one, not even a surprise one.

I find the whole thing extremely cringe (didn’t like my hen do either though ha!) and especially not atm.

@AnxiousAnnie86 Aw the book idea is really nice, I’ve heard of that before - really good idea! I’m a primary teacher so I approve of books 😂

@ER20 I feel the same about a hen do and even a wedding at this point 🙈 we’re getting married next year. Just hate all the attention being on me but I’m fine going to these things if it’s on other people

@lamptastic yeah I think I will mention to my friends when I see them next week that I don’t want a baby shower and really don’t like the idea but will just do a small BBQ or afternoon tea with no gifts etc

I never wanted a baby shower but it was a bit forced upon me, luckily baby came very early so it didn't go ahead.

Also, isn't the reason you are wfh from 28w to safeguard you?

Maybe have a small bbq or something with family.

Mumsnet is so anti baby showers but in real life I feel like everyone I know has them! I think they're twee but sweet.
Bbq outside sounds nice op.

There is a lot of hate for baby showers on Mumsnet OP which I don't understand personally but the important thing is if you want one have it, if you don't, then of course it's fine as well! After not seeing my friends for so long, it's really nice to have a gathering to catch up before the baby comes, have some food etc. A friend is organising mine, no talk of gifts at all, just meeting up for a meal and have a nice afternoon and chat. Even if they do want to bring gifts, that's fine too as most people (myself included) love giving gifts for the parents and/or the baby especially if they are first time parents.

Go for the bbq but don't arrange it as a shower. People will get you presents once the baby has safely arrived.

@sarah13xx Honestly do what you feel happy with, an afternoon tea rather than a hen party, or nothing at all. Don’t feel pressured. I did because I felt I had to, hated every minute. Do what you’re comfortable with xx

I literally know so many people who have baby showers so I don't think it's just 'an American thing'
If you want one go for it! It's a time to celebrate. If you don't want to plan then ask a friend to help :)
We've had baby showers for all my group of friends who have fell pregnant

I personally think you should do what you want and what you’re comfortable with ☺️ If you want one then there’s no problem in that, American thing or not! Or if you prefer it as a causal get together with friends and family do that instead, just let people know what you want and what you’re doing so no one plans one for you then! I like the idea of baby showers and have been to loads myself and my sister in law said she’d love to do one for me, I’m due September so will be something around august for me I’m guessing, but I think it’s a nice idea and that people want to celebrate you and your baby! - tacky to some or not 🙄 - But everyone is different. 🙈

I think they're totally cringe to be honest, I'd feel like I was just asking people to buy me things if I had one. Covid is a great excuse to avoid it!