People predicting that my baby will be difficult

[Itsinthestars]

Just got off the phone to a friend and once again I got all the "not to panic you" comments but "all second children are much more needy and harder work than the first" or "you've had it so easy the first time, you have no idea what's coming to you" and lots of scaremongering.

DS1 was very easy (I never bragged about it as I was badly anxious for his whole first year and still found it tough, so it was just people's observations) He slept through very early on, rarely cried, was happy to just sit and play etc.

What people don't know is it took me years to feel ready to conceive again as my anxiety only lets me see the worst case scenario and I am convinced that the next one will indeed be very difficult and I am so worried I won't cope.

I have to put a lot of energy daily into yoga, exercise, good sleep hygiene, meditation etc to keep the bad thoughts at bay.

But everytime my pregnancy is mentioned, these are the comments I get from friends and family and I just want to cry. I know it sounds stupid and most people would laugh it off.

Anyone else gets the same? How do you not let it get to you?

I've been told this too, DC1 was (and still is!) easy going and laid back so apparently #2 is bound to be a monster. Also DC1 is 5 and the delight some take in telling me just how hard going back to the baby stage will be is hilarious

My understanding is that second babies are generally much easier/chilled/more patient because they have to be! And I guess it makes sense that parents might be less anxious second time round?

Regardless though I've no idea why all these people would be saying this shit to you? Jealous of your 'easy' baby maybe!? X

All babies are different, my first baby wasn't too bad, my 2nd was easy, my 3rd baby just fitted in with what was going on. Growing up they have all had different issues at different times.

Try not to worry and to ignore unhelpful advice. Sometimes I think people just comment for the sake of it without thinking what they are saying or what effect it will have.

I got this so much too with my second. In reality, she is much more placid and laid back and happy to entertain herself, more so than my oldest ever does! She's still only a toddler so it may change but for now, she has definitely been the easier one!

What is wrong with these people!! My experience was not thay at all. My first baby was challenging and I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I only have 16 month's between my two and my youngest is 6 months. In comparison she has been a breeze! I am so much more confident second time around and she is far more chilled because of it. I was so so anxious about having a second child and never thought I'd manage but it's been so much better. You may get a more difficult baby but you'll know what you're doing and be less anxious or you may get an easy going one. Either way, you'll be far more equipped than first time around. Congratulations on your pregnancy xx

My DC2 was a dream baby and is now a dream child. Ignore these people!

Honestly, the things people will say! I got told our second would be hard work because our first is so sweet and gentle. The second is definitely more energetic and more determined, and I'm glad we had her second, but the subjective experience of having her has been far easier than having our "easy" first. I've always felt like I've known where we were with her, or at least what we were aiming at, whereas with the first I was completely at sea. And fwiw, they both slept pretty much the same during their first year. No terrible second child syndrome, but also no experienced parent magic in this house, alas! Found it much easier to have our "feisty" second born than our "calm" firstborn.

It's an old wives tale which is nothing more than pointless scaremongering. I agree with PPs that you should tell people it's stressing you out and ask them to stop.

Don’t let them get to you. Just tell yourself they don’t know what they are talking about!
Generally speaking first babies are harder because the parents are more uptight and this passes to the baby who becomes uptight too. Second time around the parents are more chilled and it results in a more laid back baby. So keep doing your relaxation and tell them they are wrong and to stop scaremongering!
Good luck OP and congratulations

Tell them to shut up.....our DD2 has been a much easier baby than DD1 and I thought she was fairly good!

If you think about it rationally how is the order a baby is born in compared to their siblings supposed to determine how 'difficult' they are? It is literally a 50:50 chance whether the second child will be more or less 'difficult' than the first. What matters more is that you know the score now having already had the baby so you'll be much better equipped to cope.

Also I thought the old wives tale was that second children are easier? If it helps, according to my mum I an was absolute brat of a baby and my younger sister was a dream.

It's so sad that people, mainly women, seem to get a kick out of catastrophising things for new mums. 'Just you wait until...' etc etc. Just ignore them OP and have faith that you'll cope well with everything. If it were me and I was feeling a bit catty I'd probably sneak in a little jibe back at them but that's just me being petty lol.

It's rubbish. Utter rubbish. Not that anecdotes mean anything, but DS2 was a ray of pure sunshine from the day he was born. DS1 is stressy, highly-strung and difficult (lovely though!)

Some people just LOVE wrong-footing others and making them nervous. Take with a giant pinch of salt and don't let it spoil your pregnancy

Such amazing words of wisdom thank you all!

I can't get over how rude and annoying it is but I agree that people just say things for the sake of it and don't mean to be hurtful. I would let close friends know it's making me anxious but I'm also getting the same thing from work people, less close friends etc. and definitely wouldn't want to get into that with them so I just grin and bear it...

@Cindy87 "either way, they are both awesome" this is a great way to put it, in the end I won't matter I will have two amazing DCs in their own way. Really interesting to hear everyone's experience, it seems it's just not that black and white and babies can be harder and easier in different ways.

I only get these comments from parents whose first child is/was difficult so there is definitely some resentment and wishing me to experience the hardship too. It makes me sad.

I will remember what you all said that regardless I will be better equipped. Just because DS1 was easy doesn't mean I 'had it easy' as the anxiety of not knowing what I was doing made it harder, and the insomnia kept me up even when he was peacefully asleep!

It will probably be my last pregnancy and this thread has made me very determined to ignore the comments and just enjoy it. I am very grateful!