Fetal Anomaly, 14 Weeks

[LilyJessie]

Hello,

First time here and first time pregnant, and have had some devastating news.

I am very lucky that I have a very loving and supportive boyfriend who I am so grateful for, but we both are in total turmoil about this.

We have spoken to our nearest and dearest, but sometimes, that detachment from people who don't know you is the advice that might help.

We had some horrible news at our scan last week about a fetal anomaly, but there is no way of knowing the impact on their life until birth.
We have been in touch with ARC and BPAS who have provided us advice on both sides of the fence.

We have been offered a surgical abortion.
We have also been offered counselling on fetal anomaly.

We have read about the amazing success stories of birth, but we never seem to get any straight answers for the long term impact.
I am absolutely petrified of short bowel syndrome, and not sure if anyone has any advice on that?

Has anyone dealt with either ending a pregnancy, and how did you cope with the guilt (if you had any, because of course it's okay if you didn't, and felt any other way because wanted babies but unwanted diagnosises you may have felt relief or a mix of emotions).

Or, how did anyone cope with any guilt for their life impacting fetal anomaly/ watching their baby fight/ how do you cope with the fetal anomaly?

I am in a mess, I love my baby a lot.
Am I terrible mother if I don't take the risk which may leave them with life long difficulty? Because we know they'll be in NICU for at least a month, and we have no way of knowing the impact it'll have on their life.
Or am I a terrible mother if I don't take any risk with their life, and choose to end the pregnancy to stop them having a life of pain.

Please be gentle with your responses (if I get any)... I am really upset.


Thank you.

[TTC94]

@LilyJessie your strength is so admirable.

Sending my love to you and your family.

I hope when the time is right, you will have a healthy pregnancy.

Sending light and strength xxx

[otterbaby]

Oh @LilyJessie I'm so so sorry 😔 it is the hardest thing in the world. I know exactly how you're feeling - it's an emotional rollercoaster. I know it's a cliche, but it truly will get a little bit easier with time. I lost my daughter in October 2019 and I still feel desperately sad, but it's much easier to cope with now.

That's so lovely that you are able to have her cremated and buried. And she'll be with family, which is such a nice thought. Whilst I don't necessarily believe in Heaven/Hell, I like to think that my grandmother is taking care of our little girl 😌

I'm sure you already know, but wearing a very tight sports bra will help your milk dry up more quickly.

I found the below metaphor really helpful for my grieving process, I hope it might help you too.

psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-grief-the-ball-the-box