My boyfriend loves he’s ex but I’m pregnant

12 replies

Boredandpregnant · 29/04/2021 13:03

i everyone I know this is probably the most ridiculous post you’ve read but I feel like I’m going mad. I got with my boyfriend 9 month ago,he’d been out of a 10 year relationship 3 month before I got with him ( rebound I know that now ) anyway things were great at the start seeing each other every single day from day one,me practically living with him,after around 4 month he started acting a little distant and I just brushed it off then new year came around and I found out I was pregnant but he didn’t say anything to suggest he wanted me to get a abortion so I’ve decided to keep it. Now he’s severely depressed he barely wants to spend time with me anymore but I think he’s only with me because I’m pregnant. Then I’m hearing from people that my boyfriend is depressed over he’s ex and he wanted to get back with her before I found out I was pregnant!! I asked him about it and he said no! But I can just tell by the way he answered that what I’ve heard about he’s ex is true! This pregnancy was accidental but I just thought he was happy but now I think he’s been to scared to say anything because how excited I was. My life is a complete mess I’m past the stage for abortion now as I’m 20 weeks and now I think my boyfriend is only with me because I’m pregnant and he doesn’t love me after all!! I know a baby won’t make him love me even though he tells me he loves me when I say it but it just doesn’t feel genuine when he says it 😢I can just feel like he would rather be with her than me and he feels stuck! We argue quite a lot now over petty things,he’s so down and he doesn’t sleep so I know he’s got a lot on he’s mind but so have I!! I’ve asked him what’s wrong and he just shrugs it off saying he’s fine

OP posts:

Worriesome · 29/04/2021 13:54

So sorry to hear about how you’re feeling. 10 years is a long time to be with someone, why did their relationship, do you know?

In regards to the pregnancy, I know this is easier said than done but mentally you’ll need to prepare yourself for going it alone down the road. Nothing worse than staying with someone for the sake of a child because the relationship will always have an expiry date.

Try once more to sit down and have a heart to heart with him, put all your cards on the table and tell him you’ll be okay with whatever it is he is holding inside. Better to be good friends than in a broken one sided relationship. Main thing is that baby is loved x

Worriesome · 29/04/2021 13:54

Sorry I meant why did their relationship end

Ladymouse · 29/04/2021 14:05

I'm sure I read the other side to this story (Mirror dear Coleen). The guy was saying he had come out of a 10 year relationship into another one and now the new girls pregnant but he wants his ex back. He said he didn't want to upset the new girl by telling her 🤔

majesticallyawkward · 29/04/2021 15:18

@Ladymouse

I think I saw that thread on mn.

OP, it sounds like you should prepare yourself for being a single parent. Focus on yourself and your baby.

SillyBry · 29/04/2021 15:31

It's so early in your relationship, chances are you just don't quite know how each other works just yet.

I think the best thing to do is sit down and have a very frank conversation about your relationship... totally disregarding the pregnancy. The pregnancy shouldn't necessarily come into how you feel for one another. Then, you can decide if it's best to be together or to split and co-parent. Although the idea of parenting alone can sound scary, it's probably easier to plan it now - and be amicable about the whole thing, rather than keep going, hoping the relationship will work and then end up resenting each other.
Babies are hard work - and they take away the fun of a relationship for a while, so I think it's important to be totally honest with each other and then decide how to move forwards. (It might even be that he just needs some time alone and he comes back. 10 years is such a long time to be with someone - I've been with my husband 10 years this year and I would be lost without him. The idea of starting again sounds super scary.. he may just be worried/feeling confused :-) )

ElderMillennial · 29/04/2021 15:34

OP this sounds really tough. With regards to keeping the baby, well I don't think that is purely down to him anyway and you must have wanted the baby.

You need to have an honest conversation with him.

It may be that he just needed more time to get over the previous relationship if he met you soon after. That doesn't mean he wants to be with her. But if you were sort of a casual rebound, which can always turn into something more, it would have been a shock for both of you to find out you're pregnant.

DinosaurDiana · 29/04/2021 15:36

You need to end it. Are you really going to hang round and let him choose ?

JensonsAcolyte · 29/04/2021 15:38

I’ve literally read the other side of this in the last couple of days. Also written as a wall of text but with even less punctuation.

tava63 · 29/04/2021 15:43

Hi OP, just because you 'feel' he doesn't mean it doesn't mean you are right. I think you need to be more honest with each other. In the best of situations having a child together is a vulnerable time, whatever happens you will have a deep bond together through your child for the rest of your lives. Given that neither of you seem to be able to communicate your concerns effectively counselling might be the way forward.

RangerOnCall · 29/04/2021 16:22

Think the other side of this story was a few weeks ago MN.

Anyways, OP. You need to come to terms that you will be doing this alone and end things now. It's shit and it's scary but you will manage.

Lamentations · 29/04/2021 16:39

This is awful for you OP but I agree that it's time to start preparing for single parenthood. It's fairly obvious from what you've said that he's not looking for a big relationship with you - trust your gut on this one.

annonymous1468283736 · 30/09/2023 03:10

i know this is an old thread but want to share my story, i met my partner 3 months after his wife left him. he persued me. it was a whirlwind but we were madly in love. however during this time even though his ex was already in a new relationship when she found out about me she caused all sorts of problems and tried to win him back. he never went back but continuously stayed in contact with her behind my back and also always out her before me. seems silly now but that aside and blinded by love or what i thought was love we planned to have a child together. 8 months later i fell pregnant. he still behind my back kept in contact with her. after our baby was born i caught him a few times messaging her still even though i asked him not to. the messages weren’t sexual and were mainly her trying to get him back and he never entertained it or said anything inappropriate but was still replying. just before our sons 2nd bday we separated. 2 months later we reconciled and are getting on better than we ever have. however i’ve recently discovered that 3 days after we split up he messaged his ex wife and was basically asking to meet up and have sex with her. it never happened however to me that’s beside the point as the intention was clearly still there and especially as it was 3 days after our break up, while i was heartbroken, couldn’t eat couldn’t sleep all that was on his mind was sex with his ex. things are great with us now but i can’t seem to get over this even though i want to i can’t stop bringing it up and feeling resentful towards him. someone help as i’m driving myself insane

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