Unexpectedly Pregnant at 39, 17 years after last!

[Bobdidyboo]

I'm in shock. I'm pregnant!
I'm married to a wonderful man for the last 8 years but he has some medical issues. This is my second marriage but his first. He has no children of his own but I had 2 children (20 & 16) from my previous marriage. We discussed children but it's never been the right time and so we've become accustomed to the status-quo. I'm very early on and petrified (bad previous marriage and really traumatic labour 16.5 years ago). Not sure if I want to go through with either option. He's said he's happy with our family as it is but I feel guilty as we've been given this chance.
I'm 39 now and would be 40 when it's born, he'll be 47. Our boys will be 21 & 17 but both still live at home.
Anyone else in a similar position or have any Pearls of wisdom/advice, please, I'm all ears?!

It all comes down to what you want, and what you feel able for. It's your pregnancy and your body. You're still well young enough to have another baby - if you want. Many women in your circumstance terminate because they don't want to go back to baby days at your stage. Many also have the baby.

What are your specific worries?

It's your decision and it's ok to not want this for whatever reason. Your body, your rules.

It might help if you could both talk it through with a professional

@bunglebee
I have worries about my age, about my husbands health (its quiet stable at the moment but hasn't been in the past), about if I can manage. I'm the main earner so money may be an issue as I'm self employed. I had SBD with my last pregnancy and was unable to move without severe pain for the last half of my pregnancy. My last pregnancy was miserable, complete contrast to my first.
I think more than anything I think I'm just worried about everything. Termination is also difficult for me to come to terms with. I've made an appointment with my docs to discuss but I'd love to know I'm not alone

I don’t have any other children but I’m 39 and 7 months pregnant. In terms of my pregnancy and health I’ve sailed through so far :)

I hear you! I’m 40 and my partner is 47. We’re currently 16 weeks with a huge surprise (my kids are 17,15,12 and 10, his are 12 and 9)
We were both really shocked and he wasn’t at all keen. We’ve both accepted this is our path and are happy to walk it. So far I wouldn’t say the pregnancy has been any harder than when I was younger. It certainly hasn’t been any more high risk in terms of screening or birth plans, though I appreciate it is early days. I’m a midwife so it’s a bit embarrassing telling people it was an unplanned pregnancy! Feel free to message me if you want to ask any specific questions.

Hope you can find a decision that brings you peace.

@Peacefulspirit
Wow! Thank you x
How did your kids take the news?
My husbands greatest fear is him letting me down and that we're at the point that we can start concentrating on us (our 16.5 year old is difficult) a bit more and not the kids so much.
Hes not particularly keen but after a coerced abortion when I was younger and 2 miscarriages between pregnancies I'm not sure I can bring myself to terminate. Only found out yesterday so still reeling

If its so fresh I'd give yourself a few days at least to let things settle down. Just sit with it and go about your life, see how you feel when the shock has died down.

Whatever choice you make, you'll be OK as long as it's your choice.

Again. Totally identify! I had a not great previous marriage and coerced termination. I think that did more damage than I had ever realised. This time I went as far as booking at appointment with BPAS but I just couldn’t do it. I feel really selfish sometimes continuing, my 17 year old daughter has ASD and is going through a really rough ride with her mental health at the minute and the 15 year old has just been referred for a diagnosis of ADHD following a dyslexia assessment. Neither of them are severe and both are amazing kids but it’s hard work.
If you only found out today give yourself some time. Be gentle with yourself. You can only do what’s right for you. We can share our experiences and thoughts but ultimately no two journeys are exactly the same and this is about you and your family. Sending love 💞

My eldest 2 were 21 and 18 when youngest was born, so very similar to you. I loved starting again, the older ones were brilliant big brothers but I won't lie the whole coping with teenagers when you are in your 50s can be hard, working in your 60s to support them at uni can also be hard.

On balance I have no regrets but I'm poorer and more tired because of it.

I have 18 years between my two. Second one was planned, first one wasn't!! It's been great. I have a whole new circle of friends. I'm more confident in myself as a Mum and financially better off too. I love having dd - she is 11 now. My older dd still lives with us and they are very close albeit at very different life stages! Have the baby....

39 really isn't old nowadays at ALL! Same for your DP's age either. I'm now 40 and 33 weeks... only started to get tougher physically in last few weeks but that's standard third trimester. Was running until recently. Cant comment on the age gap between kids but I think this could be a really lovely for your family. Don't let anxiety/fears of the unknown and likely- wont even happen- put you off.

@Peacefulspirit

Can I just say It's so nice hearing someone in a similar position (I really hope your daughter is ok).
I have 3 older children. 10, 9 and 5, all 3 have autism, learning difficulties older 2 have adhd too, both in a Sen school. My youngest I found out also had autism a week before I found out I was pregnant. I felt very guilty, to how it will effect them.
I spent the first trimester upset and felt like I had ruined their lives.
I'm now 19 weeks and really excited and so happy we had a accident or this wouldn't be happening. Hormones are awful at the beginning.
It's really exciting knowing I will have another little baby.
40 isn't too old, poster really think about it, as the hormones are awful at the beginning. Sometimes this things are unexpected blessings. Good luck with what ever you decide.

@Skymum82 it really does help knowing other people feel this way too. So great to read your post, I feel the same way, definitely getting more excited. I love my kids exactly as they are but bloody hell it can be exhausting (emotionally more than anything) xx

@Peacefulspirit yes totally! All mine struggle with sleep too! But we are a strong family and do every thing together. So nice to see someone similar and it's so exciting :)

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to pop on and say 'thank you'. Hubby and I spent many hours talking and I'm pleased to say that we decided to continue with the pregnancy. So I suppose we can now announce... .'we are having a baby!' 😊 There are still a few things to discuss and have our first appointment (no doubt there will be lots more) with the specialist on 17th.
We are both starting to get a little excited now that the initial shock has worn off - We've even discussed names 😊! Thank you again Ladies xx

So lovely to hear your update
I have a gap of almost 21 years. Had first at 23 second age 44
Maturity definitely gave me courage to believe in myself as a mom
It’s certainly more tiring being an older mom. However 6 years in am still on a high. She has kept me on my toes and keeps me young
Her relationship with her much older sibling is beautiful to behold. Their bond from day one was there just in a different way to other sibling relationships with a smaller gap.
So loved by all.

Best of luck to you and your family enjoy 💐

Hello.Age is just a number.I am 29 ,my partner is 51 (22 years age gap),I am pregnant with his baby and this will be his first baby (number 3 for me)

🤰🏼😊💕