When to tell children 6 and under about new baby?

[Garman]

Hi everyone,

Just looking for your experiences with this. We have 6 and 3.5 year old dcs and I'm 14 weeks with our third. We haven't told anybody yet and don't really intend to for another while, so no chance of anyone else telling them first.

I'm just wondering what stage do you think is best to tell kids these ages about a new baby? We don't want it to do it too early if the long wait is difficult for them to understand, but equally I feel like crap and feel I owe them an explanation for why I'm so useless at the moment!

With our second dc we told dc1 somewhere around 6 months, he was only 2 so didn't notice anything obviously. I don't tend to show until quite late so they'll be waiting a while to see any tangible bump!

I think I would wait until after the anomaly scan around 20 weeks.

Hubby told ours after the dating scan because he was just too damn excited lol. Ours are 15, 10, 8 & 6 (twins). For young ones they need to know why you don't want them throwing themselves on to you but they don't really think much of it until you get a bump. Once back at school our kids told anyone who would listen lol, the youngest 3 are excited but the older two not that bothered.

I'd tell them as soon as I found out.
Its their sibling!
Plus they need to know how to look after you in your pregnancy.

We told our DS (2.5) soon after the 20 week scan. He now talks about his brother in my tummy.

@Springingintospring if I told them straight away they'd have at best an 8 month wait which is so long for small kids, and at worst I'd have had to tell them it died, no way would I tell them that early. They'd also then have told other people, we haven't even done that yet so we hardly wanted them to!

I’m in a similar position OP. I have a 6 year old and ideally I would like to wait until after the anomaly scan. The only issue is I’m 14 weeks and starting to show. I’m paranoid that someone will ask me in front of him!

Yes I think after 20 week scan might be good, I wasn't even thinking in terms of that which is unusual for me especially after a difficult few weeks in this pregnancy and a mmc last year.

Thanks all.

It's up to you but personally I think it does children a disservice to hide them from real life.
Children pick up on a lot of emotion and changes in behaviour. Talking to them about these things in a sensitive, age appropriate way is better than being secretive imo.

I told ours around the time of the 13 week scan once we knew things were established and progressing well.

When I was pregnant with my third my first two were aged 7 and 3. The wait was no problem at all. The 7 year old was fine with it and the 3 year old still only had the attention span of a gnat. She was no more interested in pregnancy and baby for longer than 20 seconds than she was in anything else.

Well I didn't tell them then and am past that stage of the pregnancy now so it's kind of redundant anyway, I'm clearly asking about telling them in the second trimester.

I had 4 babies in just under 6 years but never thought of not telling the older ones from the start. This was before scans.

We told my son (then 4 - I think) quite early on.

Partly because my husband was very excited and wanted to tell the whole world.

Partly because I felt really awful and he was worried about me and wanted to know why I kept being sick.

The wait wasn’t too bad for him really, and he was excited seeing the scan photos and getting things ready for the baby.

Tbh I’m not 100% certain how much he understood anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

I told my DD and DSD after my 12 week scan; we were telling other people at that stage too and it didn’t really occur to me to wait particularly as me and DH would talk about the baby and I thought she’d start picking up on it. I don’t think it’s a problem to wait until whenever you want as if like you say you aren’t telling people for a while then they won’t accidentally find out

We told our older children (3 and 7) not long after the 20 week scan, before we told anyone else. At that point we were happy to share the news (which was just as well as the three year old told one of his little friends and was overheard by the mum).

We told ours from about 8 weeks. Tell whenever you feel ready, you could tell them after you have your 20 week scan. Ours are 3 and 5 and have been very good at keeping it a secret from family members, lockdown has helped in that we haven't seen anyone. This is my third baby and I was showing from 12 weeks though.

@Garman

Well I didn't tell them then and am past that stage of the pregnancy now so it's kind of redundant anyway, I'm clearly asking about telling them in the second trimester.

You're being quite unnecessarily rude OP. People are answering the question you asked

My DD1 will be 4 early June, I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant and we haven't told her yet. Our plan is to make sure everything is okay with the anomaly scan, plus double check the sex if possible (16 week scan says another girl!) and definitely decide on a name so we can tell DD1 that as well.

DD2 is only 15 months at the moment however so wouldn't have a clue either way. 🙈

I am having my third with older kids exactly the same ages. I wasn’t too ill in the first trimester so we chose not to tell them until after the 20 week scan. We were able to tell them they were having a brother which was lovely as well.

Yes I’d agree after 20 week scan, especially if you find out the gender!

I'm 38 weeks and my 4yo has known for a long time but I can't actually remember telling her, I do remember before we told her that she kept saying mummy has a baby in her tummy. So that took some of the guess work away