Worried about losing friends now that I'm pregnant

[heybabes]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and I guess I'm having a bit of a wobble at the moment. I'm 28 (will be 29 on estimated due date) which doesn't seem that young, but I'm the only one out of my friends to be pregnant.

I moved to a new city about 4 years ago with a horrible ex boyfriend and when we broke up I basically had to start from scratch. Luckily I found myself in a really fun and social job and got an instant social life with a big group of people in late 20s/early 30s. I also met my now-boyfriend there and so life was good.

Fast forward and we've been in lockdown for over a year and people are going out again and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. I'm so worried that in this circle of friends I'm going to be left out. Drinking is a huge part of our social life and I won't be able to do that. After work drinks also a no-go when I have to look after a baby on maternity leave!

On top of that I also have a friend outside of work who isn't a huge drinker, but we bonded over having awful break ups, but she became quite bitter once I got together with my current boyfriend as she hasn't moved on yet. I'm not one of those people who stops spending time with their friends because of a guy, but as soon as I got a boyfriend she actually said to me "I need to find a new single friend then." We've got a bit closer again recently, but she confided in me saying she was sad she hadn't had kids yet as she probably won't at this rate (single and 36 years old) so I'm dreading telling her I'm now pregnant. She'll never speak to me again!

Lockdown has already made me feel lonely - I'm away from my family anyway and lots of my friends from home. Now I feel like this will make me even more lonely.

Does anyone have any tips or experiences making new friends while pregnant, or maintaining their current friendships if no one else is in the same position?

Thank you!

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! Please don't dread telling your friends, it's lovely news and if they are truly your friends they will be happy for you! I'm not sure that the friend you've mentioned in the second paragraph really sounds like much of one to be honest!

It sounds like you do have a good group of friends there and being pregnant/having a baby does of course change the things that you will do, ie less nights out etc but that doesn't mean that there isn't other things you can do with them. Now that things are starting to open again especially! The effort will need to come from both sides though, you'll need to keep in contact and make sure to suggest things that will be equally enjoyable for you all. Could be things like going out for lunch, shopping trips, beauty things (getting nails done etc if you all like that), walks. Also though, they will probably still go on nights out without you and while it may seem like they are leaving you out, try to remember that this isn't the case, and it's just that it's not something they'll think you'll want to do now you're pregnant and that is okay, as long as you're all still getting time together doing other things too.

Also, now that baby classes and things are opening up again you may even meet new friends aswell that do have children and baby's the same age as your little one.

Also keep in mind that pregnancy/the baby stage don't last forever and you will be able to start doing stuff with your friends that you all enjoy again.

Please don't worry too much about it all, enjoy this time and enjoy your new baby, your friends will be happy for you! Just make sure to still take an interest etc and it will work out

I'm the complete opposite - last of my friends to have children by a country mile, and now that we can start to plan meet ups again, they've all been talking about how exciting it is that everyone's children are old enough to be easily looked after by other people now...

But logically, I know that none of my friends became outcasts when they announced they were pregnant, not even the very first one. Everyone rallied round and was excited, and we have always made sure that plans are child-appropriate when they needed to be. It's just natural.

I hope it's the same for you, too - and thankfully, if we can stick to the roadmap, there should be opportunities to meet other expectant/new mums again before we're due.

If your friends can't make things work around your child then they are not worth having.

I lost touch with most of my "friends" when we became parents. My husband is military so I couldn't go out without our daughter often and when he was home I wanted to spend time with him too. My attitude towards going out changed and I didn't fit in with things so the invites got less and less until they stopped completely. I just got used to it, had more kids and got a dog. Expecting baby 6 now and tbh my biggest enjoyment is alone time lol.

I really wouldn’t worry about losing your friends. Things might be bit different, but I’m sure they will all be so excited for you. Also when the baby arrives, maybe you could try and do what me and dh did and give each other an evening a week where you can go out and socialise without the baby? When you feel ready, this will hopefully help you and your bf feel like you still have a life beyond parenting.

Saying that, it is great to have friends who are parents of similar aged children. We did NCT for this reason and made some invaluable friendships. It’s also worth looking to see if there is a Facebook group for mums and dads in your area, lots of areas have them. Also download the Mush and Peanut apps. They are like online dating for mums lol. I didn’t really use them, but have friends who met lots of people through them.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. It’s a really exciting time :)

Congrats! I'm in a similar situation, similar age and very much the first of my friends to get pregnant. Everyone has actually been so excited and supportive, although they're big drinkers and our social events do revolve around drinking I am very much ready to move on from that so have absolutely no doubt this is the right time for us.

Your good friends who are the ones you'll likely be in touch with for life are the ones who will stick around, you won't miss the ones that don't, I think you'll be surprised how happy and understanding they'll be to come to you and do more daytime wholesome activities.

You'll also make a lot of new friends with a small baby as others have said.

I was a bit of a party animal when I was younger. I had my first baby at 20, obviously didn't go out for a while but when he was a few months old I was able to get out again and still maintain a social life and friendships. By the time I had 2 kids, I stopped going out as much and friends drifted away. I've got 4 kids now and have less friends than before and don't really go out socially but my life revolves around my husband and kids and I'm content with that. You adapt to the changes and what seems important to begin with might not stay that way. Your priorities change massively.