Request earlier c section

[tigerbread20]

I have an appointment on Thursday to book section date. It is DC3, DC1 arrived at 37+0 and DC2 at 36+6.

My mum died very suddenly and unexpectedly a few weeks ago and I've found it hard to adjust. I had severe PND after both previous pregnancies and had made plans to end my life after DC2.

My DH works for the Ministry of Defence and has just been told he will be deployed for 7 weeks when I am 38+6, this is not negotiable. Now mum is no longer here I will have no support locally other than my elderly nan who doesn't drive and still have my older 2 dcs to look after.

Would I be unreasonable to request my section is 37 weeks exactly? It would give DH almost 2 weeks with us before he had to leave. It seems logical as that's when my others arrived anyway but worried I will have a fight on my hands and DH won't be here for baby's birth or anytime for me to recover

More than reasonable. I hope they agree.

Yes I think it's ok to ask anything at all. I'm not sure what the response will be. Both mine were at exactly 39 weeks.

I'm more concerned about what happens after. Is there any local groups or organisation who can help? If you felt so unwell last time it's a real concern being so isolated this time.

I had PND after first baby and found second extremely difficult as I was so alone with lockdown and DH work hours. No family support either.

Have you spoken to midwife to see what support can be put into place for you? I think I would be doing that.

Hope all goes well for you

Hmm. There’s a reason they don’t like to section early, it can lead to problems for the baby.

Ask, but be prepared to listen to the arguments.

2 weeks is not long. Your dh will be leaving just as the reality is kicking in and you’ll be in your own with 3dc for 5 weeks, possibly with shaky MH.

I’d do the opposite. Section as late as possible. If you can afford it throw every penny at paid help. Can you employ a live in nanny for the 7 weeks? Cleaner, au pair, anything.

Why doesn't he get paternity leave? My brother's in the Army and he got his departure delayed (I know it's different when they're already out of the country, but doesn't sound like that's going to be likely in your case?)

@bluebluezoo

Hmm. There’s a reason they don’t like to section early, it can lead to problems for the baby.

Ask, but be prepared to listen to the arguments.

2 weeks is not long. Your dh will be leaving just as the reality is kicking in and you’ll be in your own with 3dc for 5 weeks, possibly with shaky MH.

I’d do the opposite. Section as late as possible. If you can afford it throw every penny at paid help. Can you employ a live in nanny for the 7 weeks? Cleaner, au pair, anything.

I would ask for it as late as possible but with both my previous baby's I have gone into labour before the planned date.

We are looking at a nanny for whilst he is away, have spoken to an agency today to get the ball rolling.

@Countrylane

Why doesn't he get paternity leave? My brother's in the Army and he got his departure delayed (I know it's different when they're already out of the country, but doesn't sound like that's going to be likely in your case?)

His role is very specific and this "assignment" has been on the cards for the last 2 years, we knew we'd have no flexibility regardless of circumstances when the time arose. Just really really bad luck with the timing. He will get paternity leave once he returns.

My dh works for the MoD too. There are people you can contact to fight to get him home if you are having an elcs, he just needs to find out which one to contact for his service. Seriously it's just a bloody job so sod those feckers thinking they can dictate everything.

They do not like doing CS early unless medically necessary but you can ask. Good luck.

This all sounds incredibly stressful. I had DS3 in September, it was my third section & my worst recovery by far.

I think it's a great idea to look at hiring a nanny. There's also Home-Start who might be able to help...

www.home-start.org.uk

I think your doctor is unlikely to give the okay for an early section; they like to leave them cooking for as long as possible, but you might as well ask.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

That sounds really really tough. I'm sorry. My DH works away for long periods with very short notice (though fortunately not just after one of our DC born) and its hard at the best of times. I also lost my dad 10 days before DC2 was born (though it wasn't unexpected).

I don't have advice about the c section but do wonder if you have a mental health midwife or are getting any counselling or support? Given the difficulties you've faced previously I wonder if there are coping strategies etc that they could help you with in advance. Moreover, help with the shock and grief you are currently facing would potentially be a good idea.

At the very least there needs to be someone who can help identify if you are struggling even if you can't yet. I know that must be really hard to answer since I'm sure your usual answer would have been your mum or DH, so I am absolutely not trying to rub salt in the wound.

Definitely ask about the CS, explain exactly why and hopefully you have a sympathetic consultant who can sensibly weigh up all risks. But please also push for as much extra help as you can get to look after you.

Nanny is a great idea. Cleaner too if you can manage it. Anything at all that will make the time easier for you. Please look after yourself.

P.S. MoD suck for putting you all through this. He'd better be completely and utterly indispensible for them to be this inflexible. Utterly insensitive cockwombles.

Oh that’s so shit for you OP but they really try to avoid doing an elective c section any earlier than 39 weeks at my trust due to the increased risk of respiratory distress in the baby. 37 weeks is really early for an elective section so although your circumstances are crap I think you’ll struggle to convince them unfortunately, good luck though🙂

I was also going to suggest home start and maybe the perinatal mental health team in place in pregnancy with your history? Deffo worth speaking to your midwife and getting the support in place for when he does go.

I think it’s reasonable to ask and I had my last c section at 37 weeks for a combination of MH and because my first three babies all arrived earlier than the usual 39 weeks (also by c sections). I had steroids to compensate for the slightly earlier delivery.

Good luck and I hope all goes well.

It’s seems like you would be asking for the c section early for yourself and not the baby they will see this and it will be unlikely they will agree , baby’s lungs are still forming at this point in pregnancy really right up until 39 week mark and with a c section baby doesn’t clear it’s lungs like it does in a vbac there for highly increasing likelihood that baby will spend nic unit , unless there a quite a few signs this baby’s on its way they will say stay at c section date 39 weeks and that they would give an emergency c section if needs be just because your last 2 births were early gives them no real reason to believe this one will be too , every baby is different and I would hate to think they would bring on your baby Early risking their life just so you had an easier life for a week or two I know how hard it is my first was brought on by c section at 39 weeks as my mother died in my arms in icu while I was 32 weeks I was traumatised and admitted to wanting to take my own life they offered me a c section so they could control how the baby came into the world as best as possible and I mean even I didn’t get brought on earlier even after they new I was a risk to my safety so if your in uk and it’s a nhs hospital it’s unlikely but hopefully mid wife can point you to Befriender groups that can come in and help care for they baby that’s the type of help I got

@Babyjune21

It’s seems like you would be asking for the c section early for yourself and not the baby they will see this and it will be unlikely they will agree , baby’s lungs are still forming at this point in pregnancy really right up until 39 week mark and with a c section baby doesn’t clear it’s lungs like it does in a vbac there for highly increasing likelihood that baby will spend nic unit , unless there a quite a few signs this baby’s on its way they will say stay at c section date 39 weeks and that they would give an emergency c section if needs be just because your last 2 births were early gives them no real reason to believe this one will be too , every baby is different and I would hate to think they would bring on your baby Early risking their life just so you had an easier life for a week or two I know how hard it is my first was brought on by c section at 39 weeks as my mother died in my arms in icu while I was 32 weeks I was traumatised and admitted to wanting to take my own life they offered me a c section so they could control how the baby came into the world as best as possible and I mean even I didn’t get brought on earlier even after they new I was a risk to my safety so if your in uk and it’s a nhs hospital it’s unlikely but hopefully mid wife can point you to Befriender groups that can come in and help care for they baby that’s the type of help I got

So much of this is just not true.

@YellowGlasses all true , just because your nhs doctors broke guild lines doesn't make what I’m saying untrue it makes what happened to you hopefully a one off because it’s medical misconduct

My dd was born at 37 weeks via section, no nicu stay even though I had IUGr. You may get a sympathetic consultant and I really hope you do. I would definitely get a nanny and ask if there is any help partially funded by the MoD for families in this position. I would also get a cleaner and start batch cooking meals now. Best of luck to you x

The consultants tend to look at everyone’s case individually and hopefully they will consider it for you if it’s what’s best for you and the baby in your situation. It’s such a tough thing for you op and I agree with everyone suggesting get help in as much as possible to make things easier on you!

Just stumbled across your thread @tigerbread20 I am very sorry to hear you have lost your mum, I lost mine last year 6 weeks before having my first child it has been living a nightmare. I don't have advice but I hope you are able to manage and can channel the strength your mum would want for you x