AIBU with covid bubble restrictions

[pearls11]

Please help.
Currently I am 38 weeks pregnant FTM, it took me 13 years to conceive this little IVF miracle.

My problem is I'm in a bubble with my mother (73) who's beginning to get lax on the restrictions. Although she has had her first vaccine (2nd due this week) she admitted that over the last few weeks my brother has been visiting her house and helping out with jobs and DIY. My bother sadly is a conspiracy theorist and does not believe in having the vaccine nor does he flow test before going to mums. Also at the moment my mum, has a decorator in the house and when I ask if she's making sure they follow the adequate protocols she just assumes that they are ie vaccinated, flow test etc without asking.
My question is am I being unreasonable with this? I feel with just a short time to go before the birth it's becoming increasingly hard to remind mum of her end of the bargain being in a bubble. But surely she should be more aware of this anyway and not stress me out?
I have tired talking to her, but sadly she never listens, I feel like ditching the bubble all together. X

If you're not happy you will have to stop going, she clearly wants to get back to normality and will do as she pleases.

I do understand your concern but at the same time, rates are very low and people are enjoying the chance to have a bit of normality back now.

There's also plenty of pregnant ladies who are exposed everyday through their jobs or by having children at school. Seeing your brother and having trades people in the house doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

At 38 weeks we plan to be shielding. I want the chance of having covid for the birth to be the absolute smallest it could possibly be. No way am I risking giving birth without DH being allowed to be there. I know some people will say it’s OTT but I’m clinically vulnerable anyway and having been in hospital a lot before I know how important having an advocate is.

I’d ditch the bubble and restart it once the baby is here. You could also switch to only seeing your DM outside? Until baby is born. Atleast that could be a way of helping you manage the risk.

IMO like others have said you have so little time to go now I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ditch the bubble and then start it again once baby is here :) you could still meet up in the garden etc x

So i think at this point the vast majority of people should be able to make their own risk based decisions.

It is entirely reasonable that for you any risk is too much.

It is also entirely reasonable that your mum would like to start resuming some level of normality.

For your mum, she needs to accept that the cost of that may be that the bubble is suspended. I think you have a fairly easy out there as you can explain that you want to be extra careful to make sure you can have your chosen birth partner, but also you don't want to pose any additional risk to the NHS staff who will take care of you and baby.

The toughest bit will be to decide what your tolerance level will be for visiting when baby is born. I think you'd be within your rights to insist on a lateral flow and outside time.

The only person being unreasonable is your brother and his conspiracy theories, but I shan't get onto that high horse tonight.

Sorry but I do think YABU. I'm 36 weeks pregnant with our first after previous losses etc and so I do completely understand the worry about it all but we're starting to come out of lockdown now and people need to start trying to get back to some kind of normal.

It's fair for your mum to want to see your brother and have trades people in the house. It's also not 'protocol' for workmen to have had the vaccine or a flow test. They should be keeping distanced and if able to, wearing a mask, as should your mum.

It is your choice whether you're comfortable with taking the risk in seeing her both now and after the birth and it's understandable if you chose not to, but equally, it's her choice to start trying to get back to a normal life and I don't blame anyone at all for wanting to do that

Dont bubbles work for people that live alone and are seeing one other household indoors?

Or have the rules changed?

Get her to bubble with your brother, shes seeing him anyway

@YellowPurple

Dont bubbles work for people that live alone and are seeing one other household indoors?

Or have the rules changed?

Get her to bubble with your brother, shes seeing him anyway

I think your confusing support bubbles with dating websites.

You can form a support bubble with another household if that person lives alone. In which my mother has been in one with us from the very beginning.

Is the support bubble for you or her?

Who is supporting whom?

I agree with your position (also pregnant and nervous about covid plus there is now evidence of covid causing harm to unborn babies) but I don't think you can tell your mum what to do. I think maybe just tell her you're not comfortable with taking risks so you will have to abandon the support bubble if she carries on.

I think people can start to change once they have they have had the vaccine but many pregnant women haven't.

I think your confusing support bubbles with dating websites.

No need to get nippy, it’s you that’s confused- as that poster rightly points out, it’s not a support bubble if she’s seeing your brother indoors too. And there are no ‘adequate protocols’ such as proof of vaccination or negative LFT for tradesmen. Personally I wouldn’t be remotely bothered, the risk is tiny.

If it’s a risk you don’t feel comfortable with then your only choice is to not see your mum. It’s a choice you are in control of.

You are not in control of what your mum does/doesn’t do, and neither should you be. I think it’s unreasonable to ask her to change especially as it’s so close to your due date. And you will need to think about how you want to handle things once baby is home. Again, that’s something you are in control of.

‘Protocols’ such as LFT and masks are not going to fully protect you, even if your mum insisted on it from your brother and decorator. We have had staff and students who test positive on a PCR the same day as an negative LFT. They are there purely to try and weed out some asymptomatic people.

It’s crappy, the whole covid situation is crappy. Especially around pregnancy and childbirth. My little boy came home the day of lockdown 1 and we are expecting a second. Difference is this time round I know what to expect with regards to covid and my personal views around what I’m comfortable with as it’s ‘normal’ now, whereas we were well and truly hit sideways last year. But we have to do what we feel comfortable with (within restrictions), mindful of the fact that other people will make their own choices which may/may not increase their risk and that we cannot control.

Your brother is being unreasonable and putting your mother and you at risk. I wouldn't say it's your mum's fault though. If he is doing jobs in her house then you could say he's in the house because he's helping a vulnerable person. But they should be wearing masks, washing hands and having the windows open. From what you say I doubt he's washing his hands or wearing a mask.

I would assume the decorators are following the rules but I would hope your mum would open some windows and wear a mask if she needs to go into the same room as them.

The risk is probably reasonably low, although if your brother is ignoring all the rules he's probably comparatively high risk.
It doesn't really matter what the risk is though in a way. The crux of the matter is:
You made an agreement with your mother. She is now breaking it. You cannot choose to control her behaviour, but you can choose your own behaviour.
In your shoes, for the sake of two weeks, I'd leave her bubble. It's not worth even the tiniest risk. Just say nicely that you understand she can do what she wants, but you can also do what you want, and you choose to shield. Simples.

@pearls11

Its a support bubble for your mum, to see you, Not to see your brother as well.

It doesnt work like that!

And no need to be arsey, when i am correct and you are indeed wrong

Risks to you and baby are miniscule. Things are starting to get back to normal. It's good for your mum at her age that both you and your brother see her. Try to not fret over this and relax a bit