Pregnancy sex

[HOL27]

So I'm 20wks pregnant with my partner of 5 years, we've always had a very good and very intimate relationship. Our sex life has always been very exciting, adventurous and regular.
We are both super excited about the baby and he can't seem to do enough for me. He always kisses me and calls me gorgeous (as he always has) but I'm 20wks now and I'm starting to look very pregnant and a few weeks ago we just stopped having sex.

Im feeling low as it is, big, bloated and unattractive and now I'm just feeling very unwanted too...

Don't really know what it is I'm looking for here, I guess I just feel I need to vent and let it out as I've not really had anyone to talk to about this.

From what you describe it seems like you have a very good relationship, so if it was me I'd honestly just speak to him openly about how you're feeling!
Maybe he's thinking exactly the same thing towards you but doesn't want to upset you since you're 20 weeks with his baby if that makes sense?
I'm only 6 weeks but I've been really bloated and tired so not really 'in the mood' so to say (sorry cringe haha) and my partner had a similar conversation with me about our sex life but I just had to explain how I'm feeling to him and it was all okay!
Good luck lovely xx

@HOL27 just ask him, it could be that he’s just trying to avoid you feeling uncomfortable, maybe he’s wanting intimacy as much as you but lack of communication can make you think all sorts so best just to be direct x

@cutejeans

From what you describe it seems like you have a very good relationship, so if it was me I'd honestly just speak to him openly about how you're feeling! Maybe he's thinking exactly the same thing towards you but doesn't want to upset you since you're 20 weeks with his baby if that makes sense? I'm only 6 weeks but I've been really bloated and tired so not really 'in the mood' so to say (sorry cringe haha) and my partner had a similar conversation with me about our sex life but I just had to explain how I'm feeling to him and it was all okay! Good luck lovely xx

Thanks!

[quote Worriesome]@HOL27 just ask him, it could be that he’s just trying to avoid you feeling uncomfortable, maybe he’s wanting intimacy as much as you but lack of communication can make you think all sorts so best just to be direct x[/quote]
I don't think he's wanting the intimacy as much as me, Ive tried to make a move on him, like cuddle up to him and rub his chest etc like I usually would when I'm in the mood and he's always picked up on the signs and has ever rejected me but now he just gives me a kiss and gets up.

Maybe he's worried about hurting the baby?

Been here - in my experience men are doing their best to be supportive when this happens and are effectively treading on eggshells to do the right thing. Let him know that you would still like to be doing it!

I'm sure he still finds you attractive!

@HOL27 aw that sucks, if you feel rejected and it’s making you feel down then just ask him what’s up x

We had sex the other day and i had a little spotting and we both freaked out a little. Although that's perfectly normal, i guess we'll be taking a break now.

Lots of men don't like sex with their pregnant partners. I'm 30 weeks and nothing since we found out and it was the same in the last pregnancy. It resumed after again so was fine

DH was reluctant when my bump got bigger. I can pinpoint the exact moment he went off the idea of sex. It was when dd did a massive somersault inside me and he saw my belly moving all over the place. I think he felt like the baby could somehow tell what we were doing!

Came on here to post this post myself 😂 I’m 24 weeks and we’ve been having sex the odd token night but it’s every few weeks. It’s the one time I actually don’t mind though and I’m really not taking offence that he isn’t trying. I think he doesn’t want to put pressure on me for that so it’s really up to me if I want to. I don’t know at what point we will just completely stop but I’d seen a study saying by about month 7 a lot of people stop completely. I don’t want it to become a thing and for us to then have a newborn and just be one of those couples who don’t ever have sex. So I think I am going to keep trying the odd time until about 8 weeks before he’s due then we might just need to accept that it isn’t going to happen til a while after 🙈

No advice but I'm going through the same thing. I'm 26 weeks and our sex life has taken a nosedive. I asked DP and he admitted he just finds it too weird while I'm pregnant. Judging by the friends I've spoken to about it and the answers on here it seems like it's quite common. I told him I'm feeling really unattractive at the moment and missing the intimacy and he said he'd make more of an effort to be intimate in other ways, more kissing and cuddling etc.

I have never understood these weird men who apparently don’t fancy their pregnant wives! DH and I adored each other, and had an active sex life up to and including me going into labour - which handily broke my waters, when expecting DD1.
Unless you have been warned to avoid sex for medical reasons, such as recurrent miscarriage, it is perfectly safe, and many women find they have an increased libido due to all the pregnancy hormones.
The fetus may get annoyed at the disturbance- DD1 used to rap imperiously on my uterine wall, as if telling the neighbours to shut up, during sex - but it should not be off putting. DH and I used to laugh about it.

@Babdoc I really don't think it's fair to call people weird just because they feel differently to you.

Weeks 5-8 I was bleeding slightly. Didn't have sex as was terrified (ivf pregnancy). Week 7-16 I was SO sick all the time, needed to go to bed by 7.30 every night - no sex.

Then when I started to show and feel movement I just felt very very uncomfortable (mentally) having sex. Just could not get I the mood with feeling baby movements at the same time and having DP's hands around my bump. That's not judging anyone who wants to have sex during pregnancy- completely normal and not at all weird, it just doesn't work for me. And I think it's ok if men feel the same way. It's not about just not fancying their partner, but about just not wanting to do it while their child is growing right there in their body. Some people don't give it a second thought and continue with an active sex life, or others it completely changed their attitude towards their pregnant partner's body and they don't feel comfortable having sex. Neither if wrong or weird, as long as you have an open, loving relationship throughout.

Other than that, there's then the piles, swollen labia/ vulva, SPD then stitches, worse piles, leaking boobs, sore nipples and constant exhaustion to get over before we'll resume anywhere near an active sex life again

I'd speak to him. I'm 27 weeks and for me and DH, after the first trimester (probably even during it) my sex drive fell off a cliff. I actually even had a sex dream last night but then couldn't work myself up afterwards to bother to do anything about it... DH has been leaving me alone, he maybe tries to initiate it every 2 weeks (whereas pre-pregnancy I'd say we would do it 2 x per week). When I asked him why he wasn't initiating it, he said he didn't want to pester me as he knew I wasn't as up for it as normal. Which was sweet. So I'd just ask him, like I did 'Hey DH, I noticed we've gradually stopped having sex anywhere near as much as normal. I actually still would like to. What's your feelings on it?' and see what he says. It may be he's scared of doing it now the baby is more obvious, or he assumes you don't want to if you're tired/bloated etc. It may be that he doesn't find pregnancy sexy, in which case, it's not personal, but talking about it will definitely help, and as others have said, I think this is pretty rare - most men when it comes to it I think would still be interested even if you're not their dream mental image right now...

BrilloSolar, but I DO think it’s weird!
If you love and desire someone so much that you marry them and want them to have your children, it is bizarre to suddenly go completely off them when they are doing that very thing of gestating your child.
For many women, pregnancy is a time when they feel incredibly horny, the increased blood supply and enlarged uterus produce even better orgasms, and they also want reassurance that their DH still desires them despite their changing shape and impending motherhood. For their DH to express distaste or revulsion and refuse to have sex at all is terribly rejecting and hurtful. I would have been shocked if my DH had behaved like that.

@Babdoc

BrilloSolar, but I DO think it’s weird! If you love and desire someone so much that you marry them and want them to have your children, it is bizarre to suddenly go completely off them when they are doing that very thing of gestating your child. For many women, pregnancy is a time when they feel incredibly horny, the increased blood supply and enlarged uterus produce even better orgasms, and they also want reassurance that their DH still desires them despite their changing shape and impending motherhood. For their DH to express distaste or revulsion and refuse to have sex at all is terribly rejecting and hurtful. I would have been shocked if my DH had behaved like that.

It isn't a great feeling but it's not like it's the odd man here and there, a high percentage of men begin to feel that way. But it's great that your partner is better than the rest of ours.. I'm sure we all feel better for knowing it, thanks for sharing!