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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Scared to have sex

15 replies

Bubblesxox · 19/04/2021 21:03

This is a hard one. It’s not like a I don’t want to have sex but I’ve put it in my head that if I do I’ll bleed and miscarry. It’s not completely unjustified because I remember with my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage that the bleed started not long after and continued to get worse.
I’ve had occasional spotting the whole way through this pregnancy and when I was pregnant with my son.

My partner wants it and we’ve tried other things which has still ended up with me spotting as well. We used to have it so regularly to now nothing so I understand his frustration. But I can’t get out of my head that if I actually go ahead with it something awful will happen.
It’s now getting to the point where we hardly spend any time together and now I’m just stuck feeling emotional wanting some sort of affection but can’t have it.

I don’t know what im expecting out of this but I just want to know if anyone else has gone through this?

I haven’t been told not to do it but advised not to by my midwife if I randomly spot anyway.

OP posts:

Missreginafalange · 19/04/2021 21:20

How far along in the pregnancy are you? If it's early, could you discuss with your partner how you would like to get to 12 week scan first and check all is well given what happened to you before.

Also, it's your body and if you don't feel like having sex then you don't have to, equally sex won't harm the baby but I do understand the worry re the bleeding

Summersun001 · 19/04/2021 21:27

@Bubblesxox I completely understand where you’re coming from. I had an early mc in December which started as bleeding immediately after sex. And I’ve always wondered/feared that it was the reason why despite being assured by most doctors and midwives that it wasn’t!

We’re now 10 weeks, and I have only just stopped spotting after a bleed at nearly 7 weeks. We’ve had reassurance scans and things seem to be okay. But we have completely refrained from sex because I’m petrified something may happen. At times it suits me perfectly fine as I’m not feeling the best!! But I do miss OH, just being close and a normal couple! I completely agree with PP - if you don’t want to do not feel like you have to!!

I’m going to speak with my midwife at 12 weeks. At the end of the day, if I can keep my anxiety at bay by not having sex then I will just deal with it as it will be worth it if everything goes ok. But I think it’s just comforting to have a discussion with the midwife about it at least. Even with her absolute assurance nothing is guaranteed. I’m sorry I couldn’t offer you advice! But I just wanted you to know you’re not alone xxxx

bubblebath62636 · 19/04/2021 21:30

Don't have sex unless you're comfortable with it.

Your so called partner can get a fucking grip!

ElderMillennial · 19/04/2021 21:31

OP I'm 28 weeks and we haven't had sex since I found out I'm pregnant. At first DH was talking about it but neither of us is that bothered. I am anxious due to a previous loss and I'd rather just not add to my anxiety tbh.

If you don't feel like it or feel anxious about it then it's perfectly ok not to do it:

xoxochellexoxo · 19/04/2021 21:39

Same as PP im nearly 29 weeks and havent had sex since we found out i was pregnant, in the earlier days it was a case of my partner was too scared and i respected his choice now its a case of it take it out of me to roll over in bed without the thought of even having intercoarse 🤣🤣🤣

Worriesome · 19/04/2021 21:45

@Bubblesxox I understand, I had a few very early miscarriages prior to current pregnancy and so I decided I wasn’t going to have sex with OH until things moved further along. At 8 weeks we had a reassurance scan and it put things at ease for me. OH was sexually frustrated during the wait though as we hadn’t done anything from the time I had ovulated to 8 weeks pregnant which is a while. These things can be easier if your partner supports the decision also but I can’t blame him if he gets frustrated as guys find it a little harder to control than us x

mummysharkk · 19/04/2021 22:00

We didn't have sex at all after finding out we were pregnant until baby was nearly one.

Keyboard91 · 19/04/2021 22:05

21 weeks and no sex in pregnancy due to previous losses and bleeding.

Partner needs to get on board tbh and respect you and your wishes. Sit him down. Make it really clear why you don’t feel comfortable with it. Do not make yourself do anything to please him until YOU are comfortable.

If my partner is struggling I ‘help’ him and he knows it’s all for him and I get cuddles as the bit for me. But he ‘tends’ to himself if he knows I’m not feeling well or just want to sleep. Definitely not the same, but keeps him going.

Better to have the sex convo now, as it’s something that may remain for a while once baby is born, depending on how birth goes and how recovery goes (.... and if the baby will let you put it down long enough!!!)

Chelyanne · 19/04/2021 22:09

Our current baby follows 2 mc's and a few chemicals, at 14wk I had spotting after sex and it terrified me so we haven't since (22+6 now). I do want it but don't want the worry of more bleeding so I hold back. My husband is military and is used to not having any for long stints so I do and don't feel bad about it.

spaceghetto · 19/04/2021 22:12

I didn't for the entire pregnancy. I would have been so anxious and stressed out during and afterwards.

KindleRemote · 19/04/2021 22:20

I didn't really have sex during either of my pregnancies. I just didn't enjoy any kind of foreplay or being physically touched. We tried it once early on when I was pregnant with our first and it felt different. We both agreed we weren't comfortable with it and that was that.

You need to have a conversation with him and explain your worries. You don't want to have sex. He cannot force you to do it to suit himself. If he is an arsehole about it, then you need to be assessing your future together.

Lou98 · 19/04/2021 22:28

I completely understand where you're coming from OP. Before this pregnancy we had a a MC and the bleeding started the day after sex. Even though the midwives etc told me it won't have been that it still plays on your mind.

With this pregnancy we never had sex at all until after 12 weeks as we were both nervous about it happening again. I'm 35 weeks now and I could count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex. It's a mixture of the previous loss, the fact I've had HG throughout and my partner finds it strange putting anything "in me" when there's a baby in there😂

Your partner should be respecting that you're worried and not pressuring you at all for sex. I don't buy what a PP said about it being "harder for men" by any means! Pregnancy doesn't last forever, yous will get your sex life back, don't add any more stress just now about worrying about it

LunaDreams · 20/04/2021 07:24

@Bubblesxox I feel exactly the same as you.

I'm nearly 17 weeks now and had bleeding and spotting throughout my first trimester causing lots of worry and trips to EPU. Even though my scans have been ok thankfully I've had spotting and cramping after trying other stuff and had more random spotting last week that ended up with me getting an Anti D injection as an rhesus negative.

I've become so anxious of causing more spotting or bleeding that I just cant even think about sex. I feel bad as obviously unlikely to do it anytime soon after birth either but as far as I'm concerned my baby's safety and wellbjgb comes before my boyfriends sex drive! Fortunately he is understanding but I know it can make you feel a bit crappy. It will be worth it in the end, just do what feels right for you and your bubba!

Original poster

Bubblesxox · 20/04/2021 07:46

Thank you everyone!
My boyfriend doesn’t pressure me but I know it annoys him a bit. I’ve explained it all before to him and he does know that the miscarriage and the bleeds after do scare the life out of me. But i feel awful because half the time I don’t even want to be touched like that.
My sex drive is definitely non existent but yeah adding the extra worry it just doesn’t seem worth the panic after.
I spot after sex but I also spot after other things so I could just be one of them people that have random bleeds but to get that out of my head during anything or after anything is a complete different thing.
I’m 15 weeks so still got a while to go. Maybe I’ll get better when I get a bit further gone. I know that isn’t the case for a lot of people who have commented on this thread.

OP posts:

Worriesome · 20/04/2021 10:03

@Bubblesxox I was the same, sex drive was non existent and I felt for my OH because he was just kind of left lingering around after conception as if I didn’t need him anymore lol.

I tried to help him in other ways without actual sex and he was happy with that so if you have a small burst of energy and feel upto it then that’s always an option. Especially if he’s deserving of it and has been supportive then there are other ways you can help him out x

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