What will be will be 🤨

[DramaBanana1]

Honestly my husband is a complete tit sometimes. I am 35 weeks pregnant so close ish to the time when baby could come any time. I have a 4 year old daughter, who my mum will be having, so was just talking to him about the logistics of getting her there as my mum lives in the next town about 10 miles away.

The plan is for my mum to come and get her when I go into labour or a couple of days before I’m induced. I was talking about a couple of other things to do with this and he went straight to ‘why am I stressing’ , ‘what will be will be’. Sorry what love?

I had a horrific birth last time that ended in emergency c-section and DD in NICU/SCBU. I didn’t get to hold her (or even see her face as she had equipment to help her breath on) until she was 6 hours old as she was whisked away. I’m not surprisingly a bit anxious about this one and he’s just shrugging things off like I’m overreacting. I said to him he’s not the one who has to push a baby out and it’s possible for babies to come quickly sometimes. His response was ‘yea but that won’t happen to you’. If I talk about any sort of plans he responds like I’m getting stressed over going for a jolly to the shop!

I know this is largely pregnancy hormones and feeling eternally uncomfortable, but I just needed a rant.

That would annoy me massively and I'm sorry your first was so traumatic. He is correct that what will be will be however... that is unhelpful and insensitive. Have you talked to him about how you're feeling as a result of no 1?

Not a rant, total acceptable!!

They can be useless sometimes! My husband wondered why I didn't want him drinking in my last couple of weeks... erm because you might need to drive me at any point, and I don't want a drunk birthing partner thanks!

I'm like you, I feel like I need a plan in place to curb my anxieties - especially after trauma, it heightens everything.

I'd love to see what men would be like pregnant, in labour or following trauma... humans would die out! :-D x

Thank you ladies, yes we have discussed it and had a debrief at the hospital afterwards which was so helpful in processing everything. I still tear up talking about her birth and even he admits how scary it was so I’m not sure why his shoulders are in permanent shrug mode at the moment.

That was one of the things we spoke about, making sure my mum realised not to be on the vino leading up to my due date (and him) so if we need to go we can just go. He seemed surprised it was even a thing and that I was conjuring up random ‘what ifs’.

I’m just trying to plan the things I can control so the ‘what will be’s’ are a little less daunting.

I totally understand (my daughter was premature and I'm expecting no 2 and I have similar concerns).

I think possibly this is partly his way of coping and trying to think it can't happen again or there's nothing he can do about it.

Definitely needs discussion around drinking etc. and I think it just feels so unlikely for it to happen but as you know anything can happen at anytime and considering how much you sacrifice during pregnancy I think it's reasonable to ask him to go without booze several weeks in the run up. I haven't actually discussed this with my DH yet but will probably suggest somewhere around 34 week mark.

Also one thing we are doing is going to another private run antenatal class specific to birth. I just want to feel more prepared than I did last time and more in control. I know anything can happen but it will at least reduce anxieties in the run up to it. Something to consider?

??? What a weirdo!! Him - not you!! Why would you NOT discuss logistics and what ifs??? This way you already have plans in place, instead of making it all up during labour when you're probably pre-occupied. Especially with childcare to arrange, and this is without feelings about a previously difficult birth.

Ask him to sort out what happens to your daughter and how you'll get to hospital etc... or how you want a plan in place before labour starts.