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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Partner not interested in pregnancy

17 replies

BerylSilverstone · 17/04/2021 17:53

Hi,
I know the whole experience must be a bit different for men but just wondering if anyone can relate to this?
I have 2 children from a previous relationship and my husband and I are now expecting a baby, i’m 24 weeks. I’ve just started to buy a few bits and pieces for the baby but when I tell/show husband what I’m thinking of buying, he will just have a quick glance and offer no input or opinion, and will change the subject to something he is thinking of buying for his hobby. I’m sure he doesn’t really mean it but it’s starting to hurt my feelings a bit because it feels like he isn’t interested. It’s not just been on one occasion, it’s almost every time I mention anything about the baby.
Can anyone relate to this?
Thanks x

OP posts:
felulageller · 17/04/2021 17:55

Did he want a baby before you got pregnant?

Original poster
BerylSilverstone · 17/04/2021 18:19

To be honest, it was initially my idea to try for a child together. I had the implant in and I suggested getting it taken out and he said he was absolutely fine with it and said it would be nice to have one together. But had I not suggested it I don’t think he would have been desperate to have one together, no. x

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 17/04/2021 18:25

Does he have other kids or is this his first ?

May2021Mummy · 17/04/2021 18:29

I think men find it hard to get properly involved especially with not being able to attend appointments having said that he could at least try. Have you tried talking to him about it? Maybe he's nervous or anxious. Did you decide to find out what you are having? I know my OH found it easier to start bonding once we could call bump he or she and started properly talking about names.

Congratulations

Sceptre86 · 17/04/2021 18:41

You need to talk to him and explain exactly how you feel, no point in brushing it under the carpet. See what his response is. This is the first pregnancy where my dh hasn't been able to come along to midwife or consultant appointments, he has to scans luckily and has felt a bit left out . He asks me loads of questions and I fill him in. Mine isn't keen to buy anything yet (20 weeks) but never is at this time, he always thinks it is too early.

Ellasmummyx1 · 17/04/2021 19:13

I think lots of men are like this

georgarina · 17/04/2021 20:37

I would talk with him about it. There could be many reasons why he's acting like that and he might be happy you've brought it up.

lockdownbabyx · 17/04/2021 20:55

I do think it's different for men. My partner shows interest when talking about baby names or most days he will kiss my belly and say hi baby, even thought I don't have a bump yet. But if I try show him baby clothes or prams etc he has absolutely no interest xx

Original poster
BerylSilverstone · 17/04/2021 20:58

Thanks for replies x
@nimbuscloud he already has a child from his previous relationship.
@May2021Mummy I thought he might be anxious too. I have tried to talk it through but he just says he isn’t anxious about anything. We did find out we’re having a boy. To be honest when we first found out he did say it would be nice to have a girl so that might be a factor as well. (I have 2 boys from a previous relationship already and he has a boy!) x

OP posts:
RachelRavenRoth · 17/04/2021 21:02

What is he like as a father to his son?

Muststopeating · 17/04/2021 21:06

I am 26 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. My DH is the BEST dad ever. I am not exaggerating, he is amazing. Family means everything to him.

But, he is not particularly interested in anything pregnancy. He pays attention to anything health related/scans etc. But he's never been to every scan (to be fair there have been a lot for all 3 and he works away or has had to look after the kids) but is not terribly bothered to miss them. He is also not even really bothered about feeling the baby kick.

I asked him about it recently and he just said that he just wants the baby to be here so he can hold her properly. He is worried/excited etc throughout but isn't really involved until the baby is here.

Though he goes to great efforts to make sure I can rest etc.

Lack of interest in buggies is absolutely no indication of the kind of father he will be. Is he a good step dad?

lamptastic · 17/04/2021 21:22

Shopping is boring, especially for men as they find it harder to come to terms with a baby on the way. We get to carry them for 9+ months, go to scans, feel movement, for men its easy to not think about babies all the time.
My DP is fantastic, and will no doubt be a great Dad but he's just not as interested in what colour pram I suggest or what the nursery theme should be.

More importantly is he looking after YOUR needs? Especially if you have an aching back or can't find the energy to cook, does he do a little extra to make sure you are OK and cared for? If he doesn't acknowledge you, baby or pregnancy at all then that is a different matter which needs to be addressed.

Original poster
BerylSilverstone · 17/04/2021 21:29

@RachelRavenRoth he is a good dad to his son. He sees him regularly and they have a good relationship.
@Muststopeating I think there is definitely a lot of truth in that. Lack of interest now doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t be interested once baby is here. It perhaps just isn’t all that tangible to him at the moment!

Logically I know this but emotionally the lack of interest bothers me a bit. He manages to muster up enthusiasm for so many other things (hobbies etc) but when it comes to this he doesn’t seem bothered! He isn’t particularly a worrier so I don’t think he’s worried about things going wrong. Out of the two of us I’m more one to worry. x

OP posts:
Original poster
BerylSilverstone · 17/04/2021 21:38

@lamptastic he is pretty good at helping out with practical things so I can’t really fault him there. It’s more on the emotional side of things I would say. For example I was a bit stressed the other day about something unrelated and wanted to talk it through but he will sort of just say ‘don’t worry’ but won’t have a conversation about it.

Thanks for replies. It’s great to see other people’s perspectives x

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 17/04/2021 22:01

How does he get on with your own children?

RachelRavenRoth · 18/04/2021 10:16

he is a good dad to his son. He sees him regularly and they have a good relationship

That’s a good uncle. I meant what is he like in the father role already? Does he regularly take him places the boy wants to go? Does he take him on holidays? Does he facilitate activities / club attendance? Does be provide for him financially? Does he help the boy with his school work? Does he organise his medical appointments? Keep track of them? Does he take him for his hair cuts when he realises it needs to be done? Does he discipline him appropriately? Etc

GreenSlide · 18/04/2021 10:22

I remember my DH was like this with DS and I was so upset! I was so surprised when DS was born and he was actually so into it and way better at feeding and winding than me, I couldn't get rid of him. Think he was too tbh! I'm pregnant again now and it's the same story again, but I'm not worried this time around. Pregnancy just isn't his thing.

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