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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Travelling when pregnant

11 replies

Ann30567 · 16/04/2021 16:12

First post here. I'm four months pregnant and 40 years old. It's my first pregnancy and I've had to take the bus in London over the past two days. And I'm shocked at how rude people are on public transport. I thought that I had to stand because I just look a bit fat at the moment, my bump isn't too big so nobody was offering me a seat. Then a heavily pregnant woman got on my last bus and nobody stood for her! So of course I did. I always offered pregnant women a seat (and the elderly, and women with buggies) but until I became pregnant I had no idea people were so rude and inconsiderate! Has it always been like this or are people getting ruder? From what I could see on my four journeys men were more likely to stand than women. I don't understand that at all! Surely a woman can put herself in another woman's shoes? Sorry that my first post is a rant. I'm over the moon with being pregnant.

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Penny2020 · 16/04/2021 16:25

Do you have a baby on board badge? I used to commute daily on the tube and my rule was I would never offer someone a seat, even if they looked 9 months pregnant, if they didn’t have a badge - too many times I generously offered my seat to very confused women who I was sure were pregnant but in fact were just very very offended. After that happens a couple of times, never again! No badge, no seat.

But otherwise, yes people are just rude and selfish so sadly not surprised by your experience. Personally I would always offer my seat to badge holders, but I was usually the only one making the move to do so.

Penny2020 · 16/04/2021 16:26

PS hearing you makes me so grateful not be commuting during the pandemic. I’m 34 weeks and not sure I could cope with the rudeness or the stress right now. My thoughts and prayers to all the pregnant commuters out there!!!

Chelyanne · 16/04/2021 16:32

Over 10 years ago when I was 6mth pregnant with our 2nd and had our 4 year old with me nobody offered me their seat on the bus. We were only going a few stops to pop in to the city while our car was being repaired so I wasn't bothered. Another woman who looked further along than me go on it at the next stop and again no seats were offered. I am like you and will offer others my seat but I do think that this is becoming a rarity and sometimes people think it could be offensive to offer, especially when you are not sure if pregnant or just overweight.

Creepygnochi · 16/04/2021 16:44

Two things at play:

  1. People who commute everyday more or less zone out the other passengers. There's a good some of them are entirely oblivious.
  1. Socities values have changed. I had my first baby in 1985 and my last in January this year and the experiences are other worldly. A large minority of people do not condone children any more. Another large minority subscribe to feminism in it's most literal form. The days of women and children first are well and truly over. I think we need to stop living in the 1940s and accept this is now the world we live. People don't care if you're pregnant anymore, because people don't care for baby. In fact, some view them as a burden, so why would they stand for you? You chose to get pregnant after all, not them. It's not even a respect or manners thing, it's just the changing of the guard.
Ann30567 · 16/04/2021 16:45

@Penny2020 No I haven't but I have now ordered one. Luckily I am normally working from home, but yes, I feel so sorry for pregnant women who have a regular commute!

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romdowa · 16/04/2021 16:49

People can be nervous to offer pregnant women a seat. My friend did it on a bus one evening and she went mental at him, shouting that she was pregnant, not disabled and how dare he think she wasn't capable of standing. He nearly died of embarrassment and its put him off offering anyone a seat. I know a lot of young men in particular who've had the same kind of response from elderly people as well. So they now keep their mouths shut and say nothing.

Ann30567 · 16/04/2021 17:50

@Creepygnochi Wow. I joined mumsnet because I thought it was a supportive forum. You make it sound like I’m the unreasonable one for thinking that people should help out people who need it. Yes I chose to get pregnant. Silly me for expecting people to be decent to those who need help. I suppose you also think elderly people deserve to stand as they chose to get old and people on crutches should also stand as they injured themselves. I think if your comment is typical of this site it is time for me leave!

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Sleepisoverrated150 · 16/04/2021 18:28

I have been one of those people I’m slightly ashamed to say. I had been on my feet for 12hours plus, absolutely shattered, ill and I ached all over. A friend of the pregnant lady started shouting that no one would give up their seat for her. I think when her friend start shouting it made people less likely to give up their seat tbh.

Definitely get a baby on board badge, I think people are worried about offending if you aren’t pregnant. I had a tiny bump and you couldn’t really tell. I could have just been a bit chunky even at full term!

EssentialHummus · 16/04/2021 18:31
  1. Get a BoB badge.
  2. Ask. Go up to whoever is in the “special assistance” seat (sorry, it’s been that long since I’ve been on public transport that I’ve forgotten the name...) and say “Excuse me, do you need that seat, because if not I do.” Obviously not if they look 100, but in general. Some people are arseholes but some may just be zoned out.
Luckyelephant1 · 16/04/2021 18:44

I think it's a combo of rudeness, being oblivious (eg glued to phone and zoned out so not noticing surroundings) but also being scared to offend. There were a couple of times I almost stood to offer someone a seat but chickened out as I wasn't sure if they were indeed pregnant. So a BoB badge will definitely help with that at least!

lamptastic · 16/04/2021 19:52

Sounds like normal London to me.

Moved from London to Wales a few years ago and people are generally better about giving up seats here.

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