16 week miscarriage advice and help please

[Naya321]

I am suffering emotionally from a late miscarriage. I’ll cut my story short and just say I was 15 weeks and 6 days almost 16 weeks. I went in for what might’ve been a yeast infection and found out there was no heartbeat. I had no miscarriage symptoms. I was shattered. I got induced the night after and delivered my baby girl Anaya. She was 3 oz and 6.5 inches long. I then had a D&C done. We got the results back from the pathologist and everything was normal. I guess I’m confused how this happened?

I’m feel lost, angry, sad, confused. I guess I’m just trying to figure out will I have a successful pregnancy after and why this happened? I know there’s no certain answer, even my doctor said these things just happen and it’s common but it’s frustrating. She does believe I will go on to a have a healthy pregnancy but it’s scary to have hope.

I’m also suffering emotionally and mentally because my husband already has two beautiful healthy kids from a previous marriage. So my two step kids whom I love and adore but lately I am finding myself to be jealous of all of them (including my husband) and their relationship. I can’t stand it when they say “dadda or daddy.” I know it sounds horrible. I don’t want to be around his kids because it just reminds me of what I don’t have. If anything they’re so sweet but I’m just all over the place and kind of rude which questions my identity.

Has anyone experienced a successful pregnancy after a late miscarriage with no issues or dealt with stepkids after miscarriage? Any advice on either would be great. Thank you for your help.

Hi I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my identical twin daughters at 16 wks last July. Like you I had no idea but had a scan to find they both had no heartbeat. I like you I had all the checks done and they couldn't find a reason, they are guessing the placenta didn't implant properly.
I am now 20 weeks with a single pregnancy and so far so good. I have been under consultant care since 11 weeks and have had scans nearly every 2 weeks to check all is well. I am now starting to feel the baby which is helping to reassure me.
Around the point the twins passed was hard as obviously i just constantly worried it would happen again, I'm starting to feel less anxious now but it doesn't go away.
I hope you get your rainbow baby soon

I'm so sorry for your lose

I lost DD1 when I was 6 months pregnant and I remember the heartbreak very clearly. I went into labour and delivered her early, without explanation. I had a post mortem done afterwards but it was inconclusive. Some of my infection markers where slightly raised, but not high enough to be sure it was related. I also had a lot of bleeding throughout the pregnancy but investigations couldn't link that to my early delivery either.

I got pregnant very quickly afterwards with DD2, I was desperate to have another baby, it was like an insatiable hunger. In hindsight I probably should have waited a bit and eased through the hormones and grief but it felt impossible at the time.

My pregnancy with DD2 was straightforward. I had bleeding around 7-8 weeks on one occasion but other wise completely textbook. I was obviously pretty anxious throughout, I couldn't really accept it would be alright until she was in my arms breathing and crying. I was under consultant care which really helped, lots of regular scans despite it being a straightforward pregnancy that time.

I found bereavement counselling very helpful, I also did some work with a therapist for the trauma (I delivered her at home alone and she was alive at first but obviously tiny, it was all very horrendous). The counselling helped me process my loss and gave me space to talk about the complicated feelings that family and friends didn't know how to deal with, for example my huge feelings of guilt that I had some how failed her. I would really recommend some counselling, you can normally access free counselling through the GP and it's worth googling what other services are available in your area, a lot of charities provide free bereavement counselling too.

I remember that fear that it would happen again, that there was some reason they hadn't found but that would occur in another pregnancy. But, and I hope it gives you hope, there wasn't and it didn't. Losing DD was a tragic lose and I still cry when I think of it now 6 years on, but DD2 is a beautiful, funny 5 year old now and I'm very grateful to have her.

So sorry for your loss. How heart breaking that late on. X

I had my baby boy at 20 weeks last year after his heart had stopped beating. I am now 21 weeks pregnant and while this pregnancy has not been an easy experience, all is well with the baby so far. You will never forget what your baby and what you went through but there is hope for the future, even if you don’t feel there is right now x

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience - at 16 weeks pregnant I had a very small amount of blood and went to get it checked out. There was no heartbeat and apparently the foetus had been dead for 1-2 weeks. I had no cramping or other symptoms whatsoever and my 12 week scan had been completely fine. This happened when I already had a toddler (that pregnancy was entirely problem-free). Following the miscarriage I got pregnant six months afterwards and had another problem-free pregnancy and a healthy baby.

I know it’s hard to be positive and it can be easy to dwell on the ‘what if I never have a baby?’ thoughts, but the sad truth is that miscarriages are really really common. Which means that so many women have gone through them and have also gone on to have healthy pregnancies.

Another thing I found really difficult is that second trimester miscarriages aren’t often a focus. Miscarriages before 12 weeks are talked about as they’re relatively common, and stillbirths at 24+ weeks are talked about because they’re so awful, but second trimester ones are a weird grey area.

I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost my little boy at 21 weeks last May. Going through it has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I never got an explanation as to why it happened, just one of those things doctors said. Right now I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my rainbow.

It has been challenging at times, and the anxiety that something wrong will happen is always there. But to be fair this pregnancy has been boring in the best meaning of this word.

Be kind to yourself. Its completely normal to have all sorts of feelings and emotions especially around other children.

I just wanted to reach out and say I’m so proud of all you ladies coming on here and sharing your stories. It’s so sad what you all have experienced. My heartfelt condolences go out to you all for your losses x

@Crazylemon86 I’m sorry for your losses, that must’ve been hard with twins. I pray this pregnancy goes well for you. Did you ask for consultant care or your OB just required it since you miscarried?

@lobster8 your story is an inspiration and gives me a slither of hope, thank you for that

@Skymum82 thank you for your condolences

@notinthestarsigns thank you for the positivity. It’s nice to hear there can be hope, if you don’t mind me asking did you pass it naturally or have to get a procedure done?

@HerculesMulligann exactly, I’m so glad I found a forum I can connect to people like me with. The early 2nd trimester is hardly ever talked about so it’s difficult to know what you will experience. Your story gives me a slither of hope

@SoonToBeMrs91 Thank you and I pray you have a healthy pregnancy and best wishes

@Salvationz thank you so much, it’s hard but it’s nice to connect to others who understand or show compassion

OP I lost a baby at nearly 40 weeks and had similar feelings about stepchildren. I felt even more isolated and alone in my grief because I had just lost my only child while DH had other children.

I have met a lot of couples who have lost babies unfortunately through Sands and TTC / pregnancy after loss threads on here and almost all of them go on to have healthy babies.

Losing a baby is devastating and it can also make you doubt whether anything good can happen, whether you will get pregnant, whether the baby will be okay.

I would encourage you to speak to other people who have lost babies or seek out the TTC after loss boards on Mumsnet.

@ElderMillennial I will definitely look into the TTC after loss boards, thank you for your suggestion. Did things did better with your stepchildren or was there anything you did specifically to make things as normal as possible for them?

@Naya321 I was automatically put to consultant care by the midwife at booking due to second trimester loss. It has been good as we have had lots of scans and check so feel reassured. The consultant even let my DH cure go all my appointments as she appreciates we are both anxious.

@Naya321 TBH my relationship with them suffered a bit but that was also because their mother was difficult about it. I honestly didn't really want anyone around for the weeks after I lost my baby. I wanted my husband and sometimes my mum but sometimes I didn't even want to deal with her and DH didn't bring them here because it probably wasn't a very happy environment especially in those early weeks. Knowing we had lost our baby, their mother was nasty, making it difficult for DH to see them, sent unpleasant messages to us and that coupled with the fact that the DSC were reaching late teens and we have been doing work on the house has meant they were coming over less anyway. I think they understood as they were a bit older but DH made sure to see them as much as usual even if it wasn't at home with both of us.

But tbh OP, I have had a long and complicated relationship with the DSC. I've known them since they were very young and I'm very fond of them but their mother has often caused problems and when I lost my baby I had to put myself first.

@Naya321 I'm sorry for your recently loss, I hope it is getting easier or at least less painful.

I too, only yesterday lost my baby at 16+1. All my feelings are raw, we met baby but I couldn't bring myself to hold him or her. Looks like baby passed away maybe over a week ago.