4 weeks with 4th baby and don’t think I can do this

[EXA1912]

Recently found out I’m pregnant again and after 3 pregnancies (With complications) ending in 3 csections (with complications) I’m feeling like I can’t do this again. I suffer with extreme health anxiety and always assume the worst but I honestly feel like this won’t end well for me. I’ve already got pelvic issues due to previous babies. I can’t terminate but I don’t think I can be pregnant again either. I realise I therefore shouldn’t have got pregnant but I do want the baby at the end of it I’m just freaking out about everything that I’m my head will go wrong and I feel really trapped 😢

I think speaking to your GP would help, explain how you feel. Have you had treatment for health anxiety before?

@StylishMummy thanks for replying, I’m in regular contact with my GP yes she’s very aware of my issues, referred me to numerous services but nothing seems to help me with my health anxieties, I think because I’m already having issues from my previous sections I just think I’m going to die or this is going to end really badly for me this time and I can’t seem to shift from that. I feel a waveS of excitement for another baby but nothing but absolute dread and fear for the pregnancy and birth. Xx

Ok, break it down a bit instead of spiralling if you can. If you've ever had CBT try and use those techniques?

Between now & 12 weeks, you have to choose whether to continue with this pregnancy and if you are, break it down week by week. As your body changes and you get further along - can you slow down in your responsibilities, can your partner do more so you can rest?

You'll likely be under an obstetrician due to the previous complications and you can ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team.

You can also ask to be sterilised if you have a C section with this baby to stop any future pregnancy. This being your 'last' baby, could you try and see it that this is the last time and find small ways to enjoy this? It's still early days, so if you don't want to be pregnant, you don't have to be

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Definitely speak to your GP about your concerns. They want the best outcome for you and your baby.

I know someone who got pregnant close to her previous c-section and was at risk of uterine rupture. She had to be on bed rest for her last trimester and was very closely monitored, they took great care of her.

If you are sure you are going to continue with the pregnancy you should be referred to a mental health midwife.
Get referrals for your hip problems early so that you get supports, exercise plans etc in place to ease symptoms.

@EXA1912 I completely understand wanting the baby but fearing and hating pregnancy - I feel a lot like that due to severe nausea, not the same as your situation but I can understand the feeling of being ‘trapped’.

It’s good you have already been in touch with your GP, other than that I’d advise you to take a day at a time. Don’t jump the gun and heighten your anxiety about further down the line, take each day as it comes and deal with that particular day only. Sometimes thinking about the weeks ahead can just make us worry and be more anxious than we really need to be x

Thank you all for your helpful comments, taking it a day at a time is probably going to be best i agree. I’ve not even told my partner yet. I realise I have options but realistically I don’t feel like I do because I don’t feel like I want to either do pregnancy or have a termination (I just want the baby) I’m having cbt at the moment but sometimes I feel it’s all a bit too much for me to even contemplate trying I’m that anxious about everything, I’ve told my GP this. I feel like she’s the only person I trust at the moment as she knows me the best when it comes to my health anxiety. Having more bloods on Friday at the hospital and possibly a scan next week so I’ll try and not worry about it till then, I suppose it might not even be viable. I will definitely get referred to the perinatal mental health team, my gp will make sure of it no doubt so I’m not constantly on the phone to her 🤦🏼‍♀️ Thanks all x

@StylishMummy

Ok, break it down a bit instead of spiralling if you can. If you've ever had CBT try and use those techniques?

Between now & 12 weeks, you have to choose whether to continue with this pregnancy and if you are, break it down week by week. As your body changes and you get further along - can you slow down in your responsibilities, can your partner do more so you can rest?

You'll likely be under an obstetrician due to the previous complications and you can ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team.

You can also ask to be sterilised if you have a C section with this baby to stop any future pregnancy. This being your 'last' baby, could you try and see it that this is the last time and find small ways to enjoy this? It's still early days, so if you don't want to be pregnant, you don't have to be

12 weeks? Have the laws changed?

Why can you not terminate, are you far along?

If you are 12 weeks or earlier you definitely can terminate and in your place, I would ask for sterilisation so as not to be in the same position again. You have three children from difficult births, pelvic problem, why risk having more?

I just don’t think I’d forgive myself and I know terminating could make my current issues even worse too. I’ve had to take the pills before due to an early miscarriage and they aggravated some of my pelvic issues, i was due to have surgery in a couple of months to try and help too...I swore I’d never take them again. Do u have to take the pills to terminate does anyone know? I know I want the baby I just worry about the pregnancy. But I have the fears of terminating too only I wouldn’t get a baby out of it then. I plan on speaking to the consultant and seeing what they say obviously I wouldn’t risk leaving my kids so if they said it would be best to terminate I obviously would x

The doctors are not going to tell you what to do, op. It has to be your decision. You can discuss the options with them. If it is dangerous in any way to continue the pregnancy, it would be sensible to terminate - and make sure as far as you can that you do not become pregnant again.

Depending on how far along you are, you would either be offered pills or a simple operation.

Most people recover well from either.

Your priorities are your health and your existing three children.

Thanks I don’t think I should have posted this because it’s made my health anxiety worse that people think I should consider terminating, I realise no one knows my health circumstances but it’s making me question everything more 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm sorry, EXA.
The decision is yours.

Your health anxiety is a problem of course. You say you are having CBT - that is usually a short term fix for a specific issue.

I don't see how having another baby when you already have three, is going to ease any mental health problems you have, nor physical ones.

I'm not a doctor, talk to the professionals.

I wish you well whatever you do.

It’s ok, it’s obviously something I’ve considered, I feel very trapped because I only started with the pelvis issues after the miscarriage last time and having to take the pills. For that pregnancy I had been to see a consultant at around 4 weeks and they’d said I would be ok to continue despite my history of 3 csections, the last pregnancy being slightly more complicated than the other 2 (on crutches last couple of months of pregnancy, organs stuck to each other during csection) but I recovered fine afterwards, but as it happened it wasn’t to be.

Obviously since speaking to that consultant and taking those pills I’ve had more issues which is probably impart due to my csection history and multiple pregnancies but the thought of worsening it by either carrying on With the pregnancy or terminating (in my opinion both have the potential to upset my body more) I feel a little trapped and like I can’t do right for doing wrong

@Plumtree391

Why can you not terminate, are you far along?

If you are 12 weeks or earlier you definitely can terminate and in your place, I would ask for sterilisation so as not to be in the same position again. You have three children from difficult births, pelvic problem, why risk having more?

Again, 12 weeks? Has the law changed? Or are you not in England/Wales?

I really don’t want to terminate unless it’s really high risk to carry on 😔

@EXA1912

I really don’t want to terminate unless it’s really high risk to carry on 😔

Of course, that's absolutely your choice! I hope you can get through this

I was just wondering where the '12 weeks to decide' was coming from in pp comments, as it's actually 23 weeks and 6 days.