I hate my unborn baby

[Sab2021]

I hate my unborn baby. I never wanted her but my partner made me feel guilty if I had an abortion. I tried twice to have an abortion. I took the pills before 10 weeks and they failed. I went for a surgical abortion and walked out of theatre because of the pressure and messages he was sending me not do it. Now I’m 7 months pregnant and I still don’t want this baby.

2 months ago I found out my partner was following, talking and meeting women off instagram. All of them hoes posting lingerie pictures of themselves. He met one of these women and took pictures for her in lingerie in his house on the sofa, in the shower wet and on the bed. This destroyed our relationship I trusted him so much. I’ve become so insecure with my body and looks that I don’t even leave the house. I cry all the time and wish this baby dead so I can loose weight me get my life back. I never wanted her in the first place and now I feel trapped. I was in a domestic abusive marriage for 10 years but nothing hurts as much as this- I feel so betrayed I never expected this from him. He says he never slept with her and I’m above these women but I don’t believe him.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant I couldn’t love the baby or get excited. Instagram has made it so much worse.

Instagram is a huge problem in our relationship as I see his activities online as being unloyal but he doesn’t. He won’t unfollow the hundreds of women he follows and refuses to delete it altogether. All this makes me hate being pregnant and I dread the day the baby is born

You poor poor thing, OP, I feel so sorry for you. It must feel so hard for you right now.

I concur that you should contact your midwife urgently and ask for immediate referral to perinatal mental health services. Ask for it to be fast tracked because you need to see someone before you give birth.

And yes, it sounds like it would be helpful for you to discuss giving your baby up for adoption. NOT because you sound like a bad mother, but because this is obviously a very complicated pregnancy for you, and it may be that you decide that as you never wanted to keep the baby while pregnant you would prefer not to keep it after birth. If you choose to keep the baby, you can access support to help you with both the practical and emotional side - ask your midwife about this too. But I think it would be helpful to explore adoption with an open mind. It's not a cop out - sometimes it is just the best thing for mum and baby. But you can also change your mind after birth. I know someone who was going to give her baby up and then decided to keep him in the end. Either way, it would be good for you to talk through your options with a kind professional.

If you don't have a helpful midwife, ask to speak to another one. You shouldn't have to be going through this all alone.

Speak to your midwife and for the sake of the baby and yourself say you want adoption process started, may initially be Foster care. There are plenty of people who will love your baby and you know that's what she deserves

Please seek counselling and help for yourself and do what is best for your innocent baby. Many people are desperate for a baby and will give her the loving home she deserves. She is an innocent victim here. Please don’t put your feelings of hate onto her, aim them at you partner if necessary and move on from him. Please bring this innocent baby into the world safely and do what is best for her.

My baby was born on 6th July and I fell in love!!

Turns out my partner (well ex) is a diagnosed narcissist! This explains everything- just knowing he has narcissist personality disorder (NPD) has given me peace of mind. All the toxic situation now make perfect sense.

Before realising he was a narcissist and 3 days before I gave birth I discovered he was having an affair for the past 2 years. This broke me down to the point I got sectioned under the mental health act after giving birth. It was a mixture of him cheating, the narcissist abuse I was receiving without realising and my ex husband raping me out of anger and jealousy when he found out I pregnant. I actually became suicidal and went into the hospital with my bags and requested a c sectioned as I wanted the baby out and did not want to harm her.

My whole pregnancy was abusive and I blamed the baby- I blamed her even more after what my ex husband did. But now I see that these things have happened to me and yes they are bad but they have set me free from the evil people in my life.

Thank you to the ladies who suggested I go to my midwife and get referred to perinatal that exactly what I did ❤️

And those who took my message for face value and told me to give up my baby thank you also. Everyone was just think about the baby.

I now have an Instagram page @glowupfromanarcissist please DM if your from here and you follow me 🙂❤️

I’ve used Instagram to projects my thoughts and experience with the aim of helping other women xx

Am actually really emotional from your post…I don’t follow Instagram but am so happy that you are now in love with your daughter….you will both have an amazing journey …good times and bad 💕💕

What a beautiful ending ( or beginning rather) to a very emotional post. I wish you and your daughter all the best.
Some times plp go through hard time to realise their own strength. 😻

Narc abuse is so hard to deal with when you’re pregnant. Been there, done that. I also couldn’t wait for my pregnancy to be over and I was terrified I’d hate my baby.

I didn’t. I adored her the moment I caught her (ridiculously fast labour!). I did struggle with depression and anxiety after; but not related to her. Just the aftermath of abuse.

She’s 5 now and an absolute joy. Nothing like him. He has no contact with her.

It took me around 2 years in total to untangle everything he had done to me.

Good luck OP.

I am sorry you feel that way OP. Motherhood isn’t for everyone, I accept that, but please consider options such as adoption. My DH wasn’t wanted by his mum, she considered abortion, he has always felt unwanted by her, because he was. Don’t let your child feel like that. I hope you get the help and support you need.

X post, good luck for the future OP

It doesn’t get easier. My baby is 7 months old and with each day she gets older she looks more and more like him to the point I can’t bare to make direct eye contact with her. I don’t even know if I love her anymore 😞 I contemplate daily putting her up for adoption and if I didn’t have other child who loved her my decision to give her up would be so much more easier.

Life has become so unbearable. I wish I had given her up at birth but I didn’t know then what I know know: that she was convinced through rape.

I though I was in a loving relationship but I was being coerced the whole time. He targeted me, love bombed me and trapped me with a baby. Our method of contraception was for him to “pull out” which he purposely didn’t. Silly me made excuses for him thinking he had no self control but he knew very well what he was doing. Legally, him breaking out agreement by not pulling out is considered rape. Some thing I never knew until my baby was 5 months old give or take. I made a post “I hate my unborn child” and it all makes sense know of why I felt that way.

What am I supposed to do? How to I see pass him in her? She cry’s and I cry. Parenting her is just so difficult.

Please consider adoption, this clearly isn't working for you and there are thousands of people who would give your child a great life.

Also get rid of him, he sounds like a dick.

Sorry, I can see the thread has moved on.

Didn't you post about your Instagram and how happy you are ? Are you mentally ok OP?

You should speak to a health professional and put the child up for adoption. That little girl deserves to be loved.

I applied for a Claire Law Disclosure a few month ago and discovered that my ex had raped multiple women. I never considered myself to be one of his victims until my solicitor told me my daughter was conceived through rape. I was happy until my solicitor told me that! Now everything has changed for the worse

Op you need help. Please stop faking and accept help. If you don’t want your daughter then give her up for adoption. It isn’t fair to keep her hanging on a string she needs love and support. You also need love, therapy and the chance to grieve .

@Sab2021

I applied for a Claire Law Disclosure a few month ago and discovered that my ex had raped multiple women. I never considered myself to be one of his victims until my solicitor told me my daughter was conceived through rape. I was happy until my solicitor told me that! Now everything has changed for the worse

But you loved her before the moment your solicitor told you that. It makes no difference to who she is. You knew she was conceived because your partner didn't pull out, why has your solicitor calling it rape stopped you loving your ba y to the point you can't look her I'm the eye? You need ti tell someone this irl life and get support. Your child needs help. You need help and I would imagine your other child needs help too.

Please call social services and release your baby to them. Have her put up for adoption. She will pick up on how you feel.
You went from hating her, wishing her dead, to loving her and creating an Instagram account all about the change, to hating her again.
This Isn't about your baby - it's about your exes. Your daughter is an innocent baby. How can you go from loving her to hating her because your solicitor told you how she was conceived?
You need serious help op. Please do something. Get your children help, and yourself. They really don't deserve to suffer.

Gosh this is so deeply worrying

My ex an awful abuser pushed me into pregnancy when I told him I was leaving

I get how upset you must be

Thankfully when she was born I was able to push the feelings of hatred for the abuse aside and we have a great relationship

Op you need to get in touch with ss or health visitor
Be totally open with them

They won't judge

You can't carry on like this

Hello @Sab2021 - we're so sorry to read your update. As anyone on Mumsnet can tell you, looking after a baby is bloody hard and it's even harder when you're doing it alone and under such difficult circumstances.

We think that it might be a good idea to get some support in real life to help you through all of this. You might want to contact Victim Support - they have a confidential helpline 7 days a week. There's also the National Domestic Abuse helpline - they can put you in touch with an outreach worker in your area. Finally, Crysis provides support for parents with crying and sleepless babies.

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

You've reached out on here for help. That was brave. You've said the unthinkable words here, in a safe space. This shows that you can take the next step. You can ask for help in real life. You say that parenting is hard. You are absolutely right. But of course it is harder when you are trying to process trauma. You need help. And you deserve help. With the right help you may well indeed be able to recapture what you loved about your daughter, and separate her from the bastard who abused you. As she grows and changes, she will start to become more clearly a person in her own right. And with the right help, the odds are very high you will be loving her as the person she is.

People on here are talking about giving your daughter up for adoption. Yes, that is an option. And there are lovely adoptive parents who would love her. And if you cannot come to love her again, that could end up being the least bad option. But it is not an easy option. Not for her. And not for you. As a teenager, I went with a close friend when she signed her baby over for adoption. Neither of us really understood that she had been raped, but like you it was a coercive relationship. But my friend was left forever wondering if she had done the right thing.

Get help. Your GP can signpost you, or you can follow the links mumsnet has posted above. Dig deep, and find the courage to reach out, for both your sake and your child's.