Realistically, how easy is it to make friends with a baby?

[MummyLE]

Since being pregnant, I already feel like I've lost a friend. She doesn't want children and drinks every weekend so I've been no interest to her in the slightest since telling her I'm pregnant. I'm a little gutted that I was only good enough for a Saturday night out but I guess she wasn't a proper friend to start with.

I have two best friends back in my hometown but as I live over an hour away it's difficult to see them all the time.

I'm a FTM so I'm a little worried about being lonely when my boyfriend goes back to work after paternity leave. I've been looking at baby classes and so I'm kind of pinning my hopes up on meeting other mums with children when baby arrives. But realistically how easy is it to gain a proper friendship from doing these types of things?

Of course it's nice to speak to mums during the classes but has anyone gained a meaningful friendship from baby classes?

Thanks!

Sorry, off topic, but from the title, I thought you wanted to know how easy it is to befriend a baby... to which the answer is a) easy if you're a parent and b) virtually impossible otherwise.

I've been wondering the same. Lots of my friends have babies but they all live a couple of hours away in different areas so I can't see them regularly. I'm 21 weeks so hoping NCT classes and baby groups will help.

I've joined the app Peanut as well which helps connect you to mums in your local area, but met anyone off it yet but have been chatting to a few local mums to be which is nice.

I'm in Bucks by the way... just in case you're local!

@HappyInL0nd0n

Sorry, off topic, but from the title, I thought you wanted to know how easy it is to befriend a baby... to which the answer is a) easy if you're a parent and b) virtually impossible otherwise.

😂 oh no! Shame Mumsnet doesn't allow us to edit published posts!

I have what I now consider life long friends from my first baby's Nct group. They've been fabulous. It's much harder in a pandemic but I have made a couple of new friends - we just walk in the park currently though!

To be a little more helpful, yes, some friendships will fade. You will make new friends and it's easy enough to do, particularly with first time mothers.

But for me overall, one of the greatest joys and blessings of having kids has been to realise that the most important people to me are inside my front door and friendships, while enormously important, aren't where I satisfy most of my need for social interaction these days.

Sometimes after a day with a newborn (or a chatty five year old - my life right now), the idea of talking to another person, even a friend who you dearly love, will make your skin crawl. Other times, you absolutely need your friends to distract you, make you laugh, bring perspective. Try not to worry. You will find your tribe x

@HappyInL0nd0n me too hahaha

@MummyLE you can 100% make mum friends from baby classes, its harder at the moment but by no means impossible. Many of them will stay as just mum friends but a few will end up as lifelong friends and your kids will grow up together. One of my best friends I met in my eldests baby swimming lessons - the kids have grown apart and only keep in touch on tiktok but me and her have been close for nearly 12 years now. Babies are great for breaking the ice and all the groups I go to are really supportive and give you lots of opportunities to chat and connect.

It's like making friends at school. You all have one thing in common (functional reproductive systems) some people will be your mate for life, some will be fun to chat with, some will make you feel like shite. You'll be fine. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy x

This is a huge worry of mine. I'm moving a few hours away soon and due my baby in November and I worry about being a big loner 🙈🙈

I have made some brilliant friends. I found it so much easier with children. You have this huge thing in common. I have a gang of toddler group friends and now school mum friends. If a group isn't for you, don't worry, ditch and move on. As in all friendship scenarios you have to find your people. I went to one baby group where I felt a little excluded and I longed to be in this group. Now I look back they were pretty mean, competitive and bitchy about each other. Don't waste time on anyone who doesn't welcome you with open arms.

I moved to a new city when I was pregnant, so remember being worried about this. We were lucky to meet 6 couples at our NCT classes who we are still friends with 5 years later. We did baby/toddler classes together during maternity leave, and pre-covid met for drinks without the children. However, NCT classes are expensive and there is no guarantee you are going to click with the other mums.

I have also made two other friends by chatting to them at a baby group or at the park. I wouldn't say they were proper friendships, but it's nice to have people with children the same age that you can do trips to the park with and play dates.

Once my DD was older, I was able to travel back to my hometown and meet with close friends, and always feel more comfortable with these friendships.

NCT classes are great for friendships! (Not sure about virtual) but whenever you go somewhere with lots of kids, it's easy to make conversations!

I too made life long friends though baby groups. Our eldest children are all around 30 now and we are all still very close.

None. I found baby groups already very clicky before I got there so didn't stick with them.
I lost touch with most of my "friends" when I had children much younger than them. I've been a sahm for a decade now, I missed the adult contact for a bit but as dh is military I was always alone in the evenings anyway so got used to it quickly. Now I have the dog for company and 5 kids with another on the way, I'll have a "life" when the kids are older and dh is here more.

NCT group; bonded really well and catch up on walks and coffees (following COVID restrictions); chat everyday on a group chat. Definitely worth the money as you’ll all be within the same baby age range. Found baby groups/rhyme time/etc are very ‘clicky ’ and difficult to integrate into.

This is really good to know cos I live 1.5 hours away from my friends and none have children. I do have friends where I live but we all work together so I'm hoping to go to as many classes as possible and make friends there

Another one who got super lucky with NCT group and considers them lifelong friends nearly 5 years after meeting. It started of as women with one thing in common but as time went on, we got to know each other for who we are rather than abc's Mum and I can honestly say they are the kind of person I would have been friends with even if we hadn't happened to have children at the same time as each other.

I have made other Mum friends through baby groups, toddler classes, nursery Mums etc and get along with them perfectly well, enjoy their company whilst children play and will never say no to a playdate but it isn't the same kind of friendship as our NCT group if I am completely honest.

You will definitely be able to make friends after having children and from my experience, there will be different type of Mum friends.

For me, the better friendships were my NCT group. It was worth every penny and I’ve enjoyed having these women in my life. I didn’t make any other proper friends at baby groups, but there are some I’ll chat to if I see them in the park etc.

I was really worried about this initially but I did end up meeting some lovely women who I’m still friends with, and plenty who I’m not. For me the trick was going to a class where you are all starting at the same time, because when I joined classes which were already running it felt like friendships were already established.

Having a new baby (especially your first) is an excellent time to make new friends. You go to lots of groups and meet lots of people in exactly the same position as you, right down to giving birth the same day.

I have good friends from before DS was born, but they were either too far away or back at work, so on my maternity leave I deliberately went out and made friends. 6 years on, we are still close, and they are the ones who know DS best and also have the most realistic understanding of his current age.

I didn't bother with NCT but I definitely would in the current climate, because many of the usual groups aren't on.

Having a baby is the easiest way to make new friends both in the current area where you already live and also if you were to move.

It gives you an instant reason to attend all sorts of groups and meet ups. It also gives you an easy reason to call someone to meet up as you can go to a baby activity together.
From this you will find some people you really get along well with. others will just be friendship because of the the children - but that is still a friend!

I don’t know if the Daisy Foundation operates in your area but I found them great because they run all the way from ante natal onto Tinies then onto Wrigglers, so you could realistically be with the same group all the way through.