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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Apprehensive about raising a boy

18 replies

Grettle · 14/04/2021 04:25

I’m currently pregnant with a baby boy and already have a 5 year old girl. This is nothing to do with gender preferences, I had no preference either way, either pregnancy, on finding out.

But now I know I’m having a boy I’m starting to feel more anxious about my own abilities I guess. My entire family are pretty much girls, I have three sisters, my mum was a single parent and I have all female cousins. I just don’t have a lot of experience with male relatives, obviously they are dotted around the family but sparingly, none I have regular contact with. Quite a few of my female cousins have no contact with their fathers like me.

I feel like I’m missing something in a way I didn’t feel knowing I was having my daughter. Will I be a good mum to a boy?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

altlife · 14/04/2021 04:33

You'll be fine x

VashtaNerada · 14/04/2021 04:34

If you think about all those girls/women that you know, every single one of them will be different. That’s because gender doesn’t really have much to do with personality. Your son could be anything really, you just don’t know yet. I’m very close to my son, we have so much in common. I really wouldn’t worry about it, whatever personality he grows up to have, you’ll love him and be close to him.

StayingHere · 14/04/2021 05:13

Of course you will. Just do the same- love him, meet his needs and raise him to be polite and respectful just like you would a girl.

nancywhitehead · 14/04/2021 05:38

If you think about all those girls/women that you know, every single one of them will be different. That’s because gender doesn’t really have much to do with personality

This.

I wonder why you think him being a boy will particularly have an impact? He will be whoever he will be... yes being male will be part of that but you can't really have any specific expectations only knowing that. It doesn't mean anything. What do you think he is going to need from you that your female children/ relatives don't?

bananabread2000 · 14/04/2021 06:18

Funnily enough I have the same feelings the other way around! I have a 4 year old boy and am currently pregnant. We haven't found out what we're having yet but part of me is a bit worried that I won't know what to do with a girl!
In reality I know that, as pp have said, everyone is different, I guess I just feel like I might be starting from a tiny head start if it's a boy. Total nonsense though because I have no doubt that whatever it is (boy or girl) they will drive me crazy just like my 4 year old does! :D

randomsabreuse · 14/04/2021 06:22

Main thing to remember is that the direction you point the willy in the nappy is very important... Also fountains on exposure to cold air!

Otherwise they're basically the same and should be treated as individuals with the same opportunities and choices.

Original poster

Grettle · 14/04/2021 06:25

I keep telling myself this, I encourage my DD to like what she likes and not think about whether things are ‘meant’ to be for girls or boys. I encourage her to tell me how she feels, put words to emotions etc, and I will do the same for my son.

I guess it’s maybe a bit more complex, there are a lot of absent fathers in (well not ‘in’ but you get my meaning) the family and you constantly hear about toxic masculinity. I’ve never questioned whether I missed something growing up, maybe I am now a bit, am I enough? Is there something he is going to need from me that I am oblivious too? Probably just normal pre-baby anxieties.

OP posts:

Panicmode1 · 14/04/2021 06:29

You are his mother. You will love him and teach him and nurture him, and marvel at his quirks and foibles, in exactly the same way you do with your daughter.

You will be fine (I have 3 boys and a girl - navigating the friendships, hormones and teenage girl issues has been FAR harder than with my boys BTW!!).

HetMeal · 14/04/2021 06:29

Totally valid to feel anxious about the unknown! I was in the same situation with very few male relatives and no father, but happily discovered, like every other loving mother, that boys are wonderful and I had no trouble at all figuring out how to be a good parent to them.

Ignore people who try to generalise about all boys being X, Y or Z and just focus on the person that your child is. They may be rambunctious and untidy, or they may be fastidiously neat and be obsessed with Harry Potter, or any other combination of traits that people of either sex show. You'll be fine!

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 14/04/2021 06:47

I think that on a practical level you might need to learn how to properly clean and wash his privates, but apart from that there is nothing different op. Raise him to be a decent human, teach him what consent is, the same things I'm sure you will do for yourdl daughter. I think you are over thinking it! Congratulations on your boy 💐

ivfbeenbusy · 14/04/2021 06:50

I've got 2 girls and now a boy (one half of boy/girl twins). Maybe I'm missing something here but I'm raising them all just the same??????? To be confidant and Independent, well mannered, considerate etc - don't see how one being a boy would be any different personally?

I think you are over thinking this

MyOtherProfile · 14/04/2021 06:53

Is there a dad involved? If so hopefully he can help, having been a boy.

Just go with the flow of who he is. I was given that old adage when I had my boy - look after them like you would a pet dog with lots of love, lots of food and lots of exercise. To be honest I've done this with my boy and my girl.

georgarina · 14/04/2021 06:54

I was exactly the same. No boy experience whatsoever, all sisters, just assumed I would have a girl.

It comes naturally. x

Lotsofpots · 14/04/2021 07:08

I'm from a family of girls, no boys around when I was growing up, now have two boys - so understand where you're coming from.
Two tips from me:

when you're potty training, remember that they/you have to make sure their willy is pointing down and in the toilet. Sounds obvious but you'll find out the hard way it isn't a given
it's never too early to teach about consent. As toddlers I was teaching mine that if someone doesn't want a cuddle/kiss/hold hands etc, then that is their right and you move away.

NinaMimi · 14/04/2021 07:15

It’s not just about dynamics and treatment within a family. Society treats boys and girls differently and has different expectations which obviously affects the children.

There are issues which affect one more than others. One of my worries about having a girl is the impact social media has on teenager girls as it’s much more negative than with boys. There are issues like that which parents have to deal with.

Though of course individuals are just that and you shouldn’t assume your child will be a certain way.

Original poster

Grettle · 14/04/2021 07:26

Thank you for all your reassuring words, I think that’s just what I needed to hear. I think a couple of you posted while I was writing my last post. Yes DH is around and the most involved, excellent father to our daughter. It was mainly questioned myself.

And thank you for the practical tips 😂.

I also don’t want family to put him any sort of stereotypical box, they can be a bit negative about men due to their own experiences so I must make sure to nip that in the bud if anything arises.

OP posts:

OllietheOwl · 14/04/2021 07:29

You’ll figure it out just like you did the first time you became a mum!
My 1 year old son is different to his 3 year old sister. He is a “typical boy” - not conforming to gender stereotypes! But he is big, bouncing and boisterous whereas his sister was much quieter and milder mannered at this age. Could be due to being a second child though too I guess!
You’ll love them just the same, even though they may be different personalities.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 14/04/2021 07:33

You will be just fine.
All he will need is a exactly the same nurturing that your daughter does. Teach him right from wrong and to be respectful and polite etc just as you already are.

I have 3 teen boys and a tween daughter. I am more worried about her than the boys tbh

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