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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

My partner is leaving me at 8 weeks pregnant

24 replies

Ashleighjayne · 13/04/2021 14:10

Hi guys.

I’m new to all of this and my first pregnancy. I am 8 weeks and haven’t really told anyone because the relationship with the dad is a little Rocky. I haven’t got anyone to talk to or vent to so I have come to you guys. The experts haha. I just need some advice and guidance to how to deal with being a single parent. My partner is always leaving me and arguing with me over something that happened in the past. The baby was planned and now he is leaving again.

If anyone else has been through this or going through the same. How did / do you cope with the heartbreak as well as being pregnant?

Any suggestions, advice will be really really appreciated.

OP posts:
thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear · 13/04/2021 14:23

It was a long time ago, but I had something similar. It was heartbreaking at the time, but as soon as I had the baby I didn’t care less about the ex, and ignored his requests to get back together.

Don’t let someone repeatedly leave you. I can understand taking him back once, but I guess if he keeps leaving, then you must be taking him back each time.

Salvationz · 13/04/2021 14:30

Does he leave and come back? Might be another one of those episodes and he might be back but even still it’s not a stable relationship like that. If the baby was planned and he is now deciding to stress you out during your pregnancy then I’d be inclined to mentally prepare to go it alone if that’s what you wish to do x

Original poster
Ashleighjayne · 13/04/2021 15:03

Thanks guys.

Yes he keeps leaving and coming back. He can't get over something that happened with another man before we got together. He just keeps bringing it up and making it come between us. He left if wife and we got together. They aren't divorced yet and this plays on my mind as he keeps reminding me that he can go back to her at any time. He keeps leaving and maybe I am daft for keep taking him back but he's the babies father and I just wanted to make it work. Is this just me being blind? Should I just let him do what he wants? How did you guys cope with being a single mum? Sorry for all of the questions

OP posts:
Toilenstripes · 13/04/2021 15:09

Is this even real?

thenewduchessofhastings · 13/04/2021 15:09

@Ashleighjayne

I don't mean anything by this but you sound fairly young and he sounds older than you.

For him to be so offended by you being involved with another man prior to you getting together is so hypocritical considering he was married (and technically still is).

I feel for both you and his future ex wife.He sounds like a immature twat who's treated you both badly.

He says he can get back together with his ex;have you considered if she actually wants him back.

You don't have to tie yourself to this man;you're only 8 weeks pregnant;you still have options open to you.

2bazookas · 13/04/2021 15:17

There's a lot more more to "planning to have a baby" than "lets have sex without a condom".

Eviethyme · 13/04/2021 15:22

Being a single mum can actually be easier than not being single. You only have to please yourself and can do whatever you want.

I would move on, he's not the type of man I would want to be with and your kid will learn how to treat partners based on how your treated

Salvationz · 13/04/2021 15:23

Easy everyone... we don’t know what the relationship is like and OP is looking for advice not judgement x

Eviethyme · 13/04/2021 15:23

And if your having a girl, would you want her dating a man that does that to her? Because she most likely will if she sees you being a pushover to a man who is treating you like crap.

The leaving is one thing but it sounds like he is using his ex wife as an emotional blackmail type thing

Original poster
Ashleighjayne · 13/04/2021 15:34

Thank you for the advice and support from those that gave it, and for those that decided to be judgmental, I hope when you're in a position that you need support and advice that no one is as judgmental as you. For the person that decided to have an opinion on 'planning for a baby' doesn't know the facts around my miscarriage previously.

Thank you again.

OP posts:
Eyevorbig0ne · 13/04/2021 15:34

Well remember that if he dies his wife and any other kid will get everything.
You won't get a say which is harsh for you and baby.
Don't let him come back. If you need benefits apply now. Look online, using the calculators.
He's not really fully formed yet. Leave him he needs to grow up more.

GingerBeverage · 13/04/2021 15:36

I haven't been in your position but you seem to be becoming aware of how badly he is treating you, so that's a start.
How is your family situation? Do you have relatives who can support you? Do you work?
You probably know by now that nothing you do or say will make him into a good partner or father, that's something he has to choose to do for himself. Playing around with your emotions and getting you pregnant are not the actions of a good man.
I think you can do better raising your baby without him messing around and trying to control you (what does he want, you to time travel and not have a relationship before you met?! Of course not he's just using it to control you). Baby can still have him in their life, but without him controlling you.
Now is the time to read up on single parenting, and escaping bad relationships - get prepared and educated. You can do this.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 13/04/2021 15:38

[quote thenewduchessofhastings]@Ashleighjayne

I don't mean anything by this but you sound fairly young and he sounds older than you.

For him to be so offended by you being involved with another man prior to you getting together is so hypocritical considering he was married (and technically still is).

I feel for both you and his future ex wife.He sounds like a immature twat who's treated you both badly.

He says he can get back together with his ex;have you considered if she actually wants him back.

You don't have to tie yourself to this man;you're only 8 weeks pregnant;you still have options open to you.[/quote]
I agree with this.

Why do you let this man mess you around? You have options available to you right now - you don't have to give up your freedom and youth for a twat who picks you up and puts you down when he feels like it.

The warning signs are all there clear as day. There will be other, better men for you to have children with at some point in your future.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 13/04/2021 15:40

we don’t know what the relationship is like

The OP has told us what the relationship is like. It's so covered in red flags, you could mistake it for a communist convention.

Regularsizedrudy · 13/04/2021 15:58

There’s not much detail but from what you’ve said it sounds like a really toxic relationship. If I were you I would focus on my self and preparing for the baby without him. Stop taking him back, especially now a baby is involved. Your baby needs stability and a strong role model.

CallMeCleo · 13/04/2021 15:59

How old are you?

If you are 40 and time is running out, you have a good career to support you and some money in the bank, finish with him and have the baby alone. Do NOT register him (or anyone) as the father.

If you are very young and have no money and no career, have a termination, finish with him and go and find someone who deserves you and will not mess you about and make you insecure.

Gazelda · 13/04/2021 16:26

Have you got your own home? Are you working? Have you got a supportive network of family and friends?

Please don't let him carry on treating you like this. Tell him he's had his last chance to be your boyfriend.

PollyThePony · 13/04/2021 16:32

What a dick he is! Do NOT take him back again op. He is playing you and his wife for fools and I'm Angry on both of your behalves Flowers.

Are you ok in terms of accommodation and finances? Do you have a support network around you, like maybe your parents or other family, friends etc? I would put everything I had into making as great a life as possible for me and my baby. That man isn't worth the proverbial on your shoe my love. Forget him and move on. Co-parent with him if he is willing and able and make sure you get support from him financially too. But I would have absolutely nothing more to do with him romantically, the pig Angry

Wishing you so much luck. I hope you are ok Flowers

Insomnia5 · 13/04/2021 16:40

@Ashleighjayne

Thank you for the advice and support from those that gave it, and for those that decided to be judgmental, I hope when you're in a position that you need support and advice that no one is as judgmental as you. For the person that decided to have an opinion on 'planning for a baby' doesn't know the facts around my miscarriage previously.

Thank you again.

If you have had a miscarriage previously then how is this your ‘first pregnancy’?
EXA1912 · 13/04/2021 16:51

I feel like people are being very mean to OP. She asked for advice on being a single parent so obviously she understands the relationship isn’t working and that she is likely going to be doing this by herself.

I was a single mum at 23, I loved it. My daughter and I had the best times together (we still do but in a better relationship with more kids now). It was hard financially but I had a good support network. If you want to go it alone you 100% can. I’d recommend finding out what help is available for you and going from there. When the baby arrives you’ll realise they’re all you need and nobody else matters. In the future you’ll find someone more worthy of you and no doubt continue your family with them. Hope you’re ok! Xx

Sweetpea12 · 13/04/2021 19:50

Hi hope it’s ok I comment here. My relationship ended with the babies father at 10 weeks and as much as I’ve found it a heartbreaking experience I am so determined to be the best mother my son can have. The advice I will offer is to start really focusing on yourself if you do split up with him. Your baby needs the best version of you he or she can have. I don’t feel like I can say what you should do as no one on here will understand a relationship they aren’t a part of but please take care of yourself first and foremost

PollyThePony · 13/04/2021 19:54

I don’t feel like I can say what you should do as no one on here will understand a relationship they aren’t a part of

He "keeps leaving her". He has left her again, when she is pregnant with his child. He left his wife for her, but is now playing with her by saying he 'could' go back to her at any time.

Yes, people should be strongly urging her to get out of this abusive relationship.

But ultimately, it's up to op.

Outbutnotoutout · 13/04/2021 20:00

Depending on your age, do you really want to be tied to this man forever.

Personally at 8 was I would terminate and then get rid of him completely

Outbutnotoutout · 13/04/2021 20:00

8 wks

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