Issues with breastfeeding - advice wanted

[Amelia2021]

Hi all,

This is probably going to sound really daft, but I just wanted some advice.
Abit of background - I have a 5 year old and I'm also 35 weeks pregnant with my second. I couldn't BF my first due to issues I had at the time of birth so have not yet experienced it. Altho I would have considered trying asking as no one was watching.
There is alot of pressure on me this time round to BF or it feels like it anyway. It doesn't bother me when other people do it and I think it's great but for me, the idea of ME doing it makes me feel sick and I don't know why. I'm not a very touchy feely person and I think it might stem from a childhood issue. I started to come round to the idea and then people started being pushy again and it put me off more and now I feel really anxious about it.
The midwifes wanted to book an appointment for me with some BF expert who would show me how to harvest colostrum.. I can't think of anything worse then sitting there with my tits out in front of a stranger (this was to be arranged before the birth not after).
If I was to try I'd want to-do it privately with just a nurse or midwife. I don't know why I feel so uneasy about it and feel really silly for feeling like this but I really don't like being touched by people (I am cuddly with my son however).
I'm also unhappy as my other halfs mum and my mum want to come and stay after I have given birth and am at home so they can help out which I know will be helpful but I am beginning to resent. I feel pressured and more like an object. If I decide to and am OK at BF I don't want everyone there. I want some time to feel comfortable about it first but I know it means alot to my other half to have his mum there (I am really close with her). I don't know why I'm feeling so much resentment and wanting to push people out.

Is this normal? I'd love to hear from anyone who was skeptical about breastfeeding too and managed to do it and feel OK about it!

With all things antenatal, postnatal and delivery, you have the absolute right to consent or decline to any treatment.

Antenatal colostrum harvesting does have benefits if you want to give it a go - kind of a handy insurance policy to have something to bring into hospital with you, but it's not essential. At the appointment it's highly unlikely anyone will touch you - usually at these appointments you'll be given a kit to take home with some sterile syringes and a breastfeeding midwife will demonstrate what to do with a knitted breast so you can understand the technique.

As for how you feel about feeding around other people, we are all different about have our own boundaries. Having your boundaries is absolutely fine. I was happy to feed anywhere in front of strangers, but preferred to find somewhere private away from family and friends - no idea why, that's just me. Other friends were confident feeding around familiar faces but not in front of strangers.

Do what you feel comfortable with. Keep an open mind. And when you are challenged about your choices a smile and "this is what works for us" is all you need to respond with.

Enjoy your baby. Find a path that suits you.

Thank you for your reply. I didn't know about the syringes/kit. That I'd be more comfortable with.

That's interesting to hear you felt more confident in front of strangers then people close to you. It was really helpful to hear your experiences so thank you x

I like the "this is what works for us" idea! Xxx

With dd, when I was clearly uncomfortable feeding in front of BIL, he replied, 'don't worry; we've all been to Benidorm.' It made me laugh and realise that actually, boobs are normal!!

You do what works for you!! I found that ivf and then pregnancy, and then childbirth made me lose a lot of my hangups. I really don't give a shit anymore as I feel like, exactly as pp said, I'm doing what works for me!!

This all does sound like a lot of pressure on you to breastfeed so I understand where you're coming from. There's sometimes a fine line between being supportive and overbearing.

If you (understandably) feel uncomfortable with someone telling/showing you how to harvest colostrum, there are plenty of guides online
on youtube/kellymom and you can buy sterile syringes from any pharmacy to have a go yourself at home without any pressure.

Don't feel bad about pushing everyone away. Honestly, the best thing for me when I was establishing breastfeeding was to be left alone for a few weeks for both me and baby to figure it out ourselves. General tips are useful (tummy to mummy, nose to nipple, aim for your nipple to point to the roof of their mouth etc) but the last thing I'd have wanted was an audience, especially with people who may or may not know anything about breastfeeding. You might struggle and that's completely normal in the early days while your body and baby adjust, but sometimes people trying to 'help' you can make things harder early on, like pushing expressing/bottle/combi feeding onto you to 'give you a break' if that's not what you want. Sometimes this 'help' can unwittingly sabotage your breastfeeding (by causing an under/oversupply and engorgement or by giving baby a bottle preference early on which can be tricky to reverse).

It sounds like you're taking a balanced attitude towards it all despite all the outward pressure. In truth, there's not much you can really do until your baby is here and you can see how well they take to it. Good luck :)

Nobody can tell you how you feel, only you know and it’s valid however you feel because we all have different views & opinions. It’s your body and your baby, you can feed your baby how and when and where you like, if others don’t like it that’s their problem.
You do what your comfortable with and whether that be bottle or breast as long as you & baby are happy then it’s a win win xXx