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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

15 weeks pregnant and changing my mind

16 replies

lulu19502 · 11/04/2021 20:31

TW help...

Is 15 weeks too late to have an abortion especially everyone knows you are now pregnant?

We have a nearly 5 year old and I was very against it. I came off the pill to see what would happen as I felt like it could take some time which I could possibly think about it. However it took a week to fall pregnant.

I’ve had many emotions, excited, happy, sad, confused, scared.

I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t have a lot of friends or family that I see often and my partner is often working and I’m alone and the thought of doing it alone again petrifies me.

I can’t get the thought of abortion out of my head and I feel like I have nobody to turn to or let out my thoughts to.

My partners just gone away for a few weeks for work and I’m sat here with guilt and can’t even say anything as I’m petrified of what he will say and obviously don’t want to distract him like that.

My head feels like it’s going to explode and I don’t know what to do 😭😭😭

No nasty comments please this was hard enough to post 😪😪😪😪😪

OP posts:

Handsoffstrikesagain · 11/04/2021 20:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

lulu19502 · 11/04/2021 20:35

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Oh lulu :(

for you dealing with so many emotions. It’s not something I could personally do but I can understand your very real fears about having this baby. Have you signed up with a midwife yet? Could you chat to her? X

Thank you. My head is confused.

Yes I have a midwife and I'm also under the specialist team for my mental Heath as I've been on antidepressants since having my daughter.

Just scared to say it out loud if that makes sense?

OP posts:

PlanxyDavis · 11/04/2021 20:36

I lost my daughter at 17 weeks. The second daughter at 23 weeks. I say have an abortion if you want to. I mention my girls because people like to trot out how far gone 12+ weeks is. Like the woman isn’t aware And you’re sure, or pretty sure?

It’s your body, your choice. Perhaps it was all just a big mistake. Only you can decide and have the final say. But be prepared for your other half to be devastated

Nobody should continue a pregnancy they absolutely don’t want. But maybe actually speaking to an abortion counsellor would be best first of all? They can listen and let your get everything off your chest. Have a chat to BPAS Op x

Mother2princess · 11/04/2021 21:27

Speak to your midwife about things

If you really don't want your baby consider adoption I think abortion at this stage isn't something that is easily manageable especially with mental health

DottyDotty91 · 11/04/2021 23:57

I don’t think you should have an abortion.

I’m honestly not trying to be rude or harsh. But you came off birth control to “see what would happen” - what did you think would happen? Okay getting pregnant straight away was probably a bit of a surprise but you’re an adult so therefore you know that stopping contraception = increased risk of pregnancy!

It’s your body and your right at the end of the day, but personally I would speak to your midwife or doctor about how you’re feeling. Talk to your partner about looking for another job which would mean you receiving more support. It’s his baby as much as yours so it shouldn’t be just you doing all the hard work. If you knew you’d have more help and support do you think it would change your mind?

NiceGerbil · 12/04/2021 00:03

Talk to your midwife, MH support and partner.

Tell them exactly how you feel. Assuming your OH knows about your MH issues and is a nice bloke then you need to tell him how you're feeling.

You may have perinatal depression I did and it made things very difficult.

You can get an abortion if you're in England up to 23 weeks. Other limits on Google.

But please don't make any decisions, you need to talk.

Ohnomoreno · 12/04/2021 00:08

Sounds like a super tough situation. I would speak to your GP, the midwife will probably refer you back anyway given you are on antidepressants. It's possible that pregnancy hormones are really messing things up on that front. Just talk to them first, see what your options are.

Goatsgetmygoat · 12/04/2021 00:18

Well done for being honest OP. As others have said, get some support from your GP or try the samaratins who might have some numbers for other support services. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

disconnecteddrifter · 12/04/2021 00:26

Dont do it. I had an abortion at 13 weeks the other day. Huge regret.

PlantYourAlans · 14/04/2021 18:31

disconnect But your experience probably won’t be the OP’s, if she does choose that route.

Sorry you regret the decision

Chelyanne · 14/04/2021 19:06

You need to speak to your partner about how you are feeling. You need his support whatever way you go.
Don't be too hasty in your decision.
You are not too late for a termination but one at this stage will not be easy physically or emotionally.

I know how hard it is to do most of the parenting alone. My husband is military and I lead day to day life like a single parent, expecting our 6th child atm.

murbblurb · 14/04/2021 20:02

It is 100% your choice. There is no 'but' to follow that beyond the need to decide as quickly as you can.

Every child a wanted child. It is not the business of 'everyone who knows you are pregnant'.

I wish you the best in a difficult decision.

otterbaby · 14/04/2021 20:09

I really feel for you, this must be so difficult for you.

I will say that I think it's normal to have feelings of panic and 'oh shit, can I really do this?". It may be worth speaking with a counsellor, like many other posters have advised.

And definitely speak to your partner, he might be more helpful than you think!

sundowners · 14/04/2021 20:11

PlantYourAlans how on earth do you know that? I'd say disconnecteddrifter advice having had an abortion at a fairly advanced stage, even 2 weeks less than OP is now - is perfectly valid and I'd definitely listen to it.
If Op booked an abortion its likely to be a week or 2 ahead of now, so you'd be 17 weeks....to me that is so late I don't think I could ever get over it. I say this having had an abortion age 20, single, father definitely not interested and at quite early stage of pregnancy...so no judgment- but even given my situation then- I still look back with sadness and at times, huge guilt.

MissMaple82 · 14/04/2021 20:20

Why have you left things this late! I dont agree with abortions after 8/9 weeks, tops. But I know people do it and I understand that's their right. However I think you need support not an abortion. You need to talk to a professional and your partner. We all have doubts, its natural but your baby will be loved and one day you will look back and cry at the thought that that you once wanted to abort this child you come to love and cherish

Lnix · 14/04/2021 20:21

I think you need to talk to someone who is qualified to help and advise women in this situation. Whatever you decide will have a big impact on your life going forward and you sound quite confused and emotional, understandably.

And I just want to add that my daughter was nearly 5 during my pregnancy with our second. I was quite shocked when I discovered I was pregnant again. Going back to newborn life terrified me. I had had a difficult time with my first born and also had some rather challenging ptsd around labour and delivery. But fast forward several months and the little guy is here now and the best thing ever - yes, hard, so hard some days, but this time I entered the newborn period armed with some experience and that was hugely helpful. I'm so glad we had our little surprise baby - he terrified me but completed our family.

I hope you can find someone to talk to that will help you come to the decision that is right for you and your family. I just wanted to share that the fear was very real for me too but how it has worked out for us. All the best to you x

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